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Post by slyn11 on Mar 28, 2012 4:26:09 GMT -5
A/N: Chapter 7 will be told in three parts - all this week.
At the end of this chapter, the first part of the story will be over. Chapter 8 begins the second section, the second act, of this saga. No more breaking the chapters into parts after chapter 7. I restructured my story to make my chapters shorter. So more chapter numbers, but hopefully easier to follow than the whole part 1 or part 2 stuff. I was confusing myself for sure.
Anywhoo...thanks for reading and the comments! I hope everyone is enjoying.
Thanks to Zippy for always giving me confidence in my writing and my story decisions.
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Chapter 7 part 1
Howling and crying, anguished whimpers tormenting her senses. Brushing by her, raised voices, urgently barking commands. Flipping him to his back, uncoiling his limbs. Close his eyes, he doesn’t need to see the light. Shield him from it, make him stay here with the buzzing and the screams.
“This man has a DNR,” someone said in the distance. “Stop defibrillation.” Her heart constricted as a silence fell over the room. Shaking uncontrollably, sobs replaced the screams, loud and horrible tearful sobs.
“Melanie you’ve got to calm down you’re scaring the baby.” Parker cried in her arms, his face pink and soaked with tears. She just looked at him unable to understand how to comfort him, to stop his tears. She glanced over at Philip on the bed out of the corner of her eyes, surrounded by doctors, now on his back, the thin green line on his monitor, howling his pain. “Melanie look at me.” Someone grabbed her by the chin, and forced her face to move. It was her father and suddenly it all came back.
“You have to save him,” she choked out through her sobs.
“He has a DNR. There’s nothing I can do.”
“Not anymore. I made sure of it.”
“What are you talking about?” Daniel asked.
“There’s no DNR you have to save him. Please.”
“Melanie it is on his record.”
“He was just waking up. Parker and I were giving him kisses and he was responding.”
“I think it may have been his body shutting down.”
“No!” she yelled backing away from him, trying to remove herself from the horror of his words. “Parker touched him and he moved.”
“Melanie you need to relax.” He reached out toward her and she recoiled. She didn’t need his comfort. She needed him to save her husband.
“He’s almost back. You’ve got to help him.” She was becoming hysterical, as Daniel just stood there. Why wasn’t her father moving? She looked over at Philip, his eyes were still open, looking upward, staring into the light. “Daddy!” she screamed. “Please don’t let me lose him.”
“Get my daughter out of here.” She felt herself being pushed out of the door, Parker being lifted from her arms. “Maggie can you make sure she is okay?” Arms were surrounding her, hands on her head.
“What’s going on in there? What’s happening to my son?”
Her mind snapped back to him, curled on the bed. Philip was dead. And she was running, her name breezing by her ears, concerned voices, but she didn’t stop. Away from the howls, from his vacant blue eyes, she increased her pace trying to drown out the screams loudly echoing in her head. Her dinner rising in her throat, burning, tears hot on her face, she was choking, sputtering, but still she didn’t stop. Through the doors, breaking through with her arms, heart pounding, legs aching, overcome with tears, then she fell to her knees. Silent as she stared up at the blues and greens of the glass, a large cross displayed before her, burnished in gold, braced in black.
It had been a long time since Melanie thought of God. She pretty much thought he had written her off, deemed her not worth his time, so she had done the same, shutting out reference or belief in a higher power. The last time she had prayed she had been thirteen. Eyes clenched shut, hands clasped, shivering as she felt the bed dip under his weight. She had begged God that night to show his power, to save her from the evil. Evil with a knife and jagged teeth, smiling with every bruise and cut he inflicted. Trent must have owed him a lot of money, since he collected it all dollar by dollar, taking bits of her flesh long after he was done using her body. Melanie had no bargaining chip, no collateral to offer, but that night she made deal after deal with God, promising to be a better student, to stop lying, if he would just make the man go away.
Ultimately she had been ignored, and from then on Melanie knew that God didn’t waste time on the broken and the dirty. The only power she could rely on was her own. But Philip was different. God couldn’t ignore a man like him. He could be loving and kind, but also so fearless and brave, he had so much to give. His life was worth fifty of hers. So she remained on her knees, staring up at the cross, clasped her hands, praying that God would listen to her, just this once. She had only one chip to bargain.
“Take me,” she said, tentatively at first, her voice hoarse and hollow in the empty room. She closed her eyes and raised her voice. “Take me instead of him.” Her voice echoing against the walls, bouncing off the stained glass.
“Melanie no!” She turned to the voice behind her. Maggie in tears walking down the aisle. She bent down next to her, taking her into her arms. “You mustn’t say such things,” she soothed.
“I waited too long. Should’ve offered myself sooner.” The tears wouldn’t stop, a steady flow blurring her vision.
“Melanie hush.” Maggie helped Melanie off her knees and led her to a wooden pew. “I won’t have you talking like that.”
“Why not Maggie?” she sniffled. “It’s true. If I had switched places with him months ago, Parker would have his daddy and maybe Chloe wouldn’t have gotten sick. Things would’ve been better.” She had gotten in the way. If Philip hadn’t tried to save her that night, shielding her with his body, none of this would be happening. She would’ve been the one in a coma or dead. He could’ve been living the happy life he deserved.
“You don’t know that. Everything happens according to God’s plan. We just have to trust it.”
“God planned for Philip to be stuck in a bed for months not knowing his own child, missing out on life…” She paused, unable to say the words easily. “Dying at twenty-eight years old?”
“Sometimes it is hard for us to understand the reasons why.” Maggie didn’t understand. How could she? God loved people like her.
“I can think of a few. God is hateful and mean,” Melanie said bitterly remembering all her unanswered prayers from her childhood.
“Melanie!”
“God only gives miracles to the chosen few. He doesn’t hear the cries of meaningless little girls when they’re scared and abused.”
Maggie took Melanie’s face in her hands. “God hasn’t forgotten you. He brought you to me. He brought you to Philip.”
Melanie stood up, pointing to the gold cross on the altar. “But he’s taking him away. We haven’t had any time, Maggie. It’s not fair.”
“You’re right, it isn’t fair. I’m angry and hurt and so sad for you both.” Maggie wiped the tears from her own eyes with her fingers. “But I trust in my faith and I believe God has a greater purpose. There was a reason you were spared.”
“Like what?”
Melanie couldn’t think of a single reason why Philip deserved this more than her. She was the one that had done so many unspeakable things. She was the reason he was in the coma in the first place. She deserved to be punished, not him.
“Maybe it was meant for you to be here for Parker. To take care of him while his parents can’t.”
“I want Parker to have his father.”
Parker didn’t need her. What did she know about raising babies or creating a happy home? She was raised by a sick freak that only pretended to love her to get her to help him pay off his debts.
“I know sweetheart, but we don’t always get what we want. Sometimes we only get what we need, and Parker needs you.”
“What about Philip? I can’t lose him Maggie. I won’t let him die.”
She imagined Philip in her mind, smiling down at her, the way he used to. He seemed so real, as if she could reach out and touch him. For a moment it was like it never happened. Philip was holding her in his arms, stroking her hair. She pressed her cheek against his shoulder and let herself melt into him.
“It’s not up to you,” said Maggie hugging her.
Over Maggie’s shoulder she saw him approach. Victor walking faster than usual, his face an overcast pale gray, his hands clenched in tight balls at his sides. He gripped the back of the wooden pew, knuckles whitening as he sat in the seat behind them. He couldn’t meet her eyes.
“Oh no! Philip’s dead. He’s gone isn’t he?” Melanie asked in alarm, fresh tears following the tracks of the ones that just dried.
He shook his head, but didn’t speak. “Daniel brought him back. He’s still with us,” he finally said. Melanie turned and looked at the cross, thinking maybe God was listening after all.
“So he’s okay?” she asked standing up. “I need to go be with him.” She stepped into the aisle, and headed toward the door.
“No, he’s not okay.” Melanie stopped at Victor’s words, a lump forming in her throat. “I watched them work on him for over fifteen minutes.”
“They couldn’t revive him?” asked Maggie.
“They’d bring him back, then he’d crash again, and then they’d bring him back. I wanted to smash that monitor with my bare hands. That damned line kept coming back.” Victor held onto the back of the pew so hard she thought his fingers might bleed from the pressure.
“Victor your language! This is a chapel,” scolded Maggie
“I don’t care Maggie! My son is dying and there’s nothing I can do. Every time they shocked him back, I prayed for it to end. I couldn’t stand the thought of what he must be going through.” He grabbed Melanie by her arm. “Melanie we can’t keep doing this to him. We have to let him go.”
She shook herself free of him, wrapping her arms about herself. “He’s fine now. He’s back.”
“Daniel said this would probably keep happening. His body’s getting weaker.”
She shook her head, not wanting to hear anymore, but she knew what Victor was saying was the truth. The body couldn’t last this long in a coma without breaking down. He would either go into a persistent vegetative state or he would die. As time went on there were less and less options for his recovery. Less reasons to hope.
“We need to give him just a little more time.”
More time. She had been asking for it for months now. When would the time ever come? How much more could she wait for him to get well? She suddenly felt so alone in this battle. It was his body, but he didn’t seem to want to help her. He didn’t want to get up and help her prove to everyone that she wasn’t crazy to believe he would be coming back to them all.
“He doesn’t want to live like this. You know about his will.” Victor persisted.
“There is no will. I destroyed it. I’m willing to fight you for however long it takes in court if it comes to that.”
She wanted to scream at Victor, tell him to go to hell. He would have to kill her before she would let him pull the plug on Philip. But she didn’t. Something deep inside stopped her, a feeling that it would be somehow wrong to stand in way of what Philip wanted. Melanie tried to push those thoughts down, to only focus on keeping Philip alive, but they always slowly rose to the surface, reminding her that her actions were betrayal.
“Just because you got rid of the paper doesn’t change what you know in your heart. You know he wants us to let him go. You know it.” Melanie watched Maggie rub Victor’s hand in comfort and jealous thoughts coursed through her body. They got to lean on each other, spend days and nights in each other’s company and she had no one.
“Philip has so much to live for. He loved his life.”
Philip had left her with a heart full of empty promises and the ghosts of a life unlived. He left her hovering between being in love and being alone. Her heart was broken so completely. She was in love with a man that was halfway gone.
Tears filled his eyes, a pained look on his face. “Philip loved his family, loved Titan, loved you, but how he is right now, that’s not living.”
Melanie couldn’t argue anymore. She knew he was right. Philip loved life. He was active and passionate. He took risks and he thrived on challenges. Being stuck in a bed must be like hell for him.
“I don’t know how to let him go,” she cried as she leaned into Maggie’s outstretched arms.
“He’ll always be with you,” said Maggie as she gently stroked Melanie’s hair. “In your heart, in your memories. You’ve got to cherish it all.”
“I’ve been so selfish Maggie,” she said sitting up and wiping the tears from her face with the hem of her black sweater. “I didn’t want to be alone. I was only thinking about him coming back to me so I’d feel better. I wasn’t thinking about what it must be like for him.”
“You love him. Nothing wrong with wanting him well again.”
“I’m not ready to give up.” Melanie remembered Philip reacting to Parker. It couldn’t have just been his body shutting down like her father said. Philip was struggling to find his way back to them. “I still think he’s coming back.”
“If God has a miracle for Philip, he will get it. But we have to prepare ourselves to help Philip find peace.” Maggie brushed the hair out of Melanie’s face, giving her a small tearful smile. “You want him at peace don’t you?”
“If something like this happens again. If he…if he’s…if he has a crisis.” She stumbled over the words not wanting to voice the unthinkable. “I will respect his wishes. But I’m not going to take him off life support or remove his feeding tube either.”
“Melanie, it’s what he wants.” Victor was stubborn, but he had met his match with her. She loved Philip too much to let his father give up on him just yet.
“Philip made a promise to me the night of the accident and I’m going to give him every chance to keep it. But if he can’t, if his body is too tired, we’ll let him go.”
“Okay,” agreed Victor.
“I need to be with him now,” Melanie said standing up, smoothing her hair. “Where’s Parker?”
“I took him to the nursery,” stated Maggie. “He’s in his special little crib there.”
“That baby has spent more time in a hospital than most people do their whole lives,” said Melanie sadly.
“Maybe he’ll grow up to be a doctor. Something is bound to rub off on him in here,” suggested Maggie.
It hit her unexpectedly. She knew what she needed to do. “Victor I need you to do me a favor.”
“I don’t do favors,” he said gruffly.
“Please I need your help.” Melanie pleaded.
“What is it?”
“I need you to let Chloe see Parker before she goes upstate.”
“No way,” he said shaking his head. “I don’t want that loon anywhere near my grandson.” Maggie shot him a look of disapproval.
“Parker is losing so much. His mom is going away, and he almost lost his dad tonight.” Melanie’s heart ached for Parker. His little world was crumbling around him and he didn’t know it. No child should have to endure this much. He wasn’t even a year old and he was practically an orphan.
“Even if I wanted to, I can’t make that happen. Child Protective Services is very serious about their rules. My reach doesn’t extend that far.” She had no doubts that Victor would come through for Parker. He watched his son almost die tonight and that had broken something in him. Melanie could see the change in his eyes. Victor wasn’t going to deny his grandson a short visit with his mother. Not tonight.
“You get her to the hospital, I’ll do the rest.”
There wasn’t much Melanie could do to change things for Parker. Chloe had to face the law and Philip was in a place beyond her reach. But if only for a fleeting moment Parker could feel the warmth of being in his mother’s arms again, maybe it would be enough to get him through all of this. She didn’t know how much babies understood, and the science of how memories were made eluded her, but if there was any chance that Parker could recapture a piece of the natural bond with his mother, Melanie was going to take it. She may have her problems with Chloe, but Melanie’s love for that sweet baby boy trumped all of that.
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