Whip out your great big, shiny, mirror balls! It’s time for
DANCING WITH THE STARS!!!As the stars parade down the new fancy staircase (it moves!) I can’t help but think “Oy. This is going to be an….interesting season.” But let’s get to the dancing and see what these stars can do!
Ron Artest and Peta Murgatroyd (yes, that’s her real name) – (CHA CHA) He’s a basketball player and he’s ginormous. How will they ever make it work?
He looks more like Dennis Rodman with that hair. Yikes! For the first dance of the night, it was ok. It’s always hard to be the first one out of the gate, so I’m willing to give the guy a little leeway. But he was a little too relaxed (like he wasn’t taking it seriously) and they looked under-rehearsed. Len hammered them! Too much sizzle, not enough sausage = not enough actual Cha Cha. Bruno was encouraging. Carrie Ann thought it was sexy, badly danced, and fun all at the same time. Let’s just say that Ron is her type and she finds guys that are her type impossible to critique.
My Score: 4 Judges Score: Carrie Ann Inaba -5 Len Goodman - 4 Brrruno Tonioli - 5 14/30 <--- does not include my score
The “dancing” starts around 1:35.
Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke – (VIENNESE WALTZ) From the first rehearsal it looks like this guy is a jerk and Cheryl is going to kick his behind. I like seeing jerky guys put in their place. Then the dancing begins. Oh dear. Just, oh dear. Rob said his goal was to last longer than his sister Kim, but based on this performance, that might be too lofty a goal. Sorry kid. That stunk! Too much marching, ZERO dancing. When he wasn’t moving (a Cheryl Burke trademark) he made some nice lines. But then his feet would try to go somewhere and it was just all bad. Poor jerky boy. Len was not impressed, but he wasn’t depressed. Carrie Ann said she saw potential even though he was very rigid. Ugh. Bruno said he looked like he was stomping around too much. Oh, and the fat Kardashian yelled from the gallery that Bruno could take his critique and shove it. Not really those words, but something to that effect. Hopefully that whole family will be banned from the ballroom.
My Score: 4 Judges Score: 6, 5, 5 16/30
Skip to 1:25 for the dance.
Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas – (CHA CHA) Mark thinks she has a lot of potential and I’d bet the farm that Len is going to hate this routine because Mark reminds us that he’s the one that likes to take chances. OK. We are three “dancers” in and all of them stink. I get that they might be nervous, but it really looks like they’ve only had a week of practice. What the….?? As for Kristin and Mark specifically, blah blah blah. I was so bored, I stared more at the computer thinking about what to type that I barely watched their routine ( I watched it again just to be fair and it was just as boring the 2nd time around). Carrie Ann was more impressed with her body and her “hairography” saying that she was “one to watch.”
Len actually ended up liking it, even though he felt she danced more full out during her rehearsal package than on the main floor. Bruno gave her some tips on turning and balance.
My Score: 5 Judges Score: 7, 6, 6 19/30
Routine is at 1:35.
Chynna Philips and Tony Dovolani – (VIENNESE WALTZ) Ok. I loved Wilson Philips back in the day so I really want her to do well. And she was! She was “stop typing” good. I smiled the whole time watching her and I am thoroughly impressed! She was graceful and elegant and did an EXCELLENT job!!! I’m so happy for Tony. He always seems to get the divas, and this time, it looks like he got a lovely lady with talent. Hooray!!! Len said it wasn’t the best first dance he’d ever seen, but it was close. He was all smiles though. Bruno said she looked like she was stepping out of a dream. Carrie Ann said it was gorgeous.
My Score: 8 Judges Score: 8, 7, 7 22/30
Skip to 1:31.
Onward to my second beer!!! I mean, bring on the “dancing.”
Nancy Grace and Tristan McManus(new guy) – (CHA CHA) Oh dear. I really don’t like Nancy Grace, so I kind of hope she falls on her face. Ugh. I know it’s not right to want her to fail so magnificently, but I do. Oooh, looks like I might get my wish. She tripped up a bunch of times and obviously forgot the choreography. My inner devil is falling over laughing. I’m an evil, evil person. But hey. At least I admit it! Bruno commented on her “lavish gifts” (meaning her well-showcased bosom) and told her to believe more in herself. Carrie Ann called her cute. Um, has she ever watched Nancy’s show? She is FAR from cute. Len basically said she was too careful. Then they all bickered among themselves.
My Score: 4 Judges Score: 5, 5, 6 16/30
The “dancing” is at 1:31.
David Arquette and Kym Johnson – (VIENNESE WALTZ) He’s another “stop typing” good dancer! Yay!!! It’s a guy who can move and (at least looks like) he’s leading!!! Happy dance! Happy dance! Kym has always been much better than Cheryl or Karina or Lacey at hiding her back-leading. And David was fantastic. He clearly forgot a foot at one point, but he just kept right on going and did great. Cut to Monica, I mean Courtney, who was cheering as best she could all full of Botox. Carrie Ann liked it too and encouraged him to relax. Len loved it and even called him a dancer. Bruno said he got too wrapped up in the performance, but otherwise it was good.
My Score:8 Judges Score: 6, 6, 6 18/30
Good stuff at 1:39.
Elisabetta Canlis and (Mak’s little – and infinitely less hot- brother) Val Chmerkovskiy – (CHA CHA) Is it me, or does she look a lot like Hope? Val introduced himself to her, saying “My job is to make you a winner, and your job is to make me look better than Maks.” Sorry dude. That will N-E-V-E-R happen. In an effort to distinguish himself from his brother, Val starts the routine without a shirt. Cuz that’s never been done before. Poor Elisabetta lived up to our expectations of models – pretty to look at, but otherwise empty of any and all talent. Len hated the opening (the stuff on the bed) and wasn’t wild about her dancing either, calling it weak. Bruno said she was “good in bed.” Like Bruno knows what it’s like to be in bed with a woman. Carrie Ann said she fell apart without Val holding her up.
My Score: 3 Judges Score: 5, 5, 5 15/30
Hope Solo and Maks Chmerkovskiy – (VIENNESE WALTZ) Man, he’s so hot. She’s a little stiff, but a typical tomboy athlete. It wasn’t super awesome to watch, but it wasn’t as painful as Elisabetta either. Of course, Maks makes everything better. *Sigh* Bruno said she had great attack and had a bright future. Carrie Ann complimented them on their body connection. Len thought they had good hold, good posture, lovely movement and nice rotation, but it lacked fluidity.
My Score: 6 Judges Score:7, 7, 7 21/30
Dance at 1:39.
Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya – (CHA CHA) He is FABULOUS! Upon meeting her, he was disappointed that she wasn’t Maks, Mark, or Derek. LOL! I’d hardly call his dancing “masculine” but it sure was fun. As much as I would love to see what he would do next, I’m pretty confident he will be joining the “Kicked off first” club. But Carson sure loved his sparkles! Carrie Ann called it her favorite dance of the night, but not for the technical elements. Len pulled a Paula and commented on how great he looked. Bruno was also distracted by the sparkle and could only say how fun it was.
My Score: 5 Judges Score: 6, 5, 6 17/30
Fabulousness starts at 1:38.
JR Martinez and Karina Smirnoff – (VIENNESE WALTZ) Ok. I can’t stand Karina, just like everyone else. But I can’t help but like this JR guy. His story (former Iraq vet, burned over 40% of his body by a roadside bomb attack, now he’s an actor on AMC) is so moving, and he’s so positive, that you can’t help but like him. And we have a dancer. Wow. He was really good. He even led Karina!! Wow!!! Len was quite pleased. Bruno gave some tips on keeping his shoulders down. Carrie Ann is in love.
My Score: 8 Judges Score: 8, 7, 7 22/30
Ricki Lake and Derek Hough – (VIENNESE WALTZ) Their routine was very nice. It wasn’t amazing and didn’t make me stop typing (that’s when you know it’s good). But I liked it and I like her. Her movement was fluid and graceful and the choreography wasn’t all that challenging. Derek did a good job with it. Nicely done all around. Bruno basically said the same thing I just did. Carrie Ann called her a princess. Len harped on her feet, but did say it was fluid and graceful.
My Score: 7 Judges Score: 7, 6, 7 20/30 On a side note, Brooke Burke – Charvet seriously can NOT hide her massive crush on Derek.
Skip to 1:01.
Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer – (CHA CHA) The dude can move. I’ll give him that. It wasn’t terrible and it wasn’t awesome, but it was pretty good. There’s a lot of potential there and I’m excited to see how he grows from here. Carrie Ann was very pleased. Len said he came out with the right attitude and it was well done. Bruno said he was cuddly and cute and it was a great debut.
My Score: 7 Judges Score: 6, 5, 6 17/30
Routine at 1:52.
My Leader BoardStar......................
My Score............
Judges ScoreChynna and Tony.............8...................22
David and Kym.................8...................18
JR and Karina................. 8...................22
Ricki and Derek..............7..................20
Chaz and Lacey............... 7...................17
Hope and Maks................6...................21
Kristen and Mark...........5...................19
Carsen and Anna.............5...................17
Ron and Petra..................4...................14
Rob and Cheryl................4....................16
Nancy and Tristen.........4...................16
Elisabetta and Val.........3...................15
Judges Leader BoardChynna and Tony.............8...................22
JR and Karina..................8..................22
Hope and Maks................6...................21
Ricki and Derek..............7...................20
Kristen and Mark...........5...................19
David and Kym.................8....................18
Chaz and Lacey................7...................17
Carsen and Anna..............5..................17
Rob and Cheryl................4...................16
Nancy and Tristen.........4...................16
Elisabetta and Val.........3...................15
Ron and Petra..................4....................14
My prediction....Bottom Three: Ron, Rob, Carsen
Going home: Rob
He looks more like Dennis Rodman with that hair. Yikes! For the first dance of the night, it was ok. It’s always hard to be the first one out of the gate, so I’m willing to give the guy a little leeway. But he was a little too relaxed (like he wasn’t taking it seriously) and they looked under-rehearsed. Len hammered them! Too much sizzle, not enough sausage = not enough actual Cha Cha. Bruno was encouraging. Carrie Ann thought it was sexy, badly danced, and fun all at the same time. Let’s just say that Ron is her type and she finds guys that are her type impossible to critique. My Score: 4 Judges Score: Carrie Ann Inaba -5 Len Goodman - 4 Brrruno Tonioli - 5 14/30 <--- does not include my score