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Post by wendylou on Jul 19, 2013 19:11:31 GMT -5
This is a little violent but it cracks me up and I saw some comments on here that made me think some others might appreciate it. Attachments:
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Post by Kpatch on Jul 19, 2013 20:15:31 GMT -5
OMG Wendy, too funny. That was me and my husband on Monday. I'm not a morning converser.
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Post by sportsgirl on Jul 26, 2013 11:00:29 GMT -5
Love the expression on this dog:  |
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Post by Kpatch on Jul 26, 2013 11:20:31 GMT -5
LOL sportsgirl! Okay, if anyone finds this offensive, I will delete it. Just let me know. A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance."
"They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: "No Jews please."
Sending a written message by his own yeoman, the captain replied: "Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending four of my best and most prized officers."
"One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design."
"The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern University in Chicago , with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Masters Degree and PhD. In Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate."
"The third officer is also a lieutenant, with degrees in both computer systems and information technology from SMU and he is awaiting notification on his Doctoral Dissertation from Cal Tech."
"Finally, the fourth officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina . We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda."
Upon receiving this letter, Melinda's mother was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by four handsome naval officers without peer (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous).
At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, four very handsome, smiling Black officers.
Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered,"There must be some mistake."
"No, Madam," said the first officer. "Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes." |
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Post by mae00 on Jul 26, 2013 12:02:03 GMT -5
 BARTENDER JOKE An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.' His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.' A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...' After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides |
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Post by wendylou on Aug 2, 2013 22:01:27 GMT -5
It's still Friday for a few more hours...  |
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Post by sportsgirl on Aug 6, 2013 15:28:52 GMT -5
I know it's not Friday (wish it was though)but thought we could all use a laugh:
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
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"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.
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Post by fluffysmom on Aug 6, 2013 15:39:16 GMT -5
I like that.
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Post by Kpatch on Aug 6, 2013 16:08:32 GMT -5
OMG. Wicked! LOL.
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Post by Kpatch on Aug 9, 2013 9:17:10 GMT -5
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Post by sportsgirl on Aug 9, 2013 10:52:52 GMT -5
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Post by MrsM on Aug 13, 2013 21:59:38 GMT -5
Not Friday but this is hilarious and the lady is super talented!! Here is the link as well if the video wont' play. Divas |
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Post by wendylou on Aug 16, 2013 12:50:28 GMT -5
This one is kind of old and not so much funny as adorable.
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Post by mae00 on Aug 16, 2013 12:59:00 GMT -5
That was toooo cute!! I love it! Especially when he grabbed Ellen's hand. I couldn't help but laugh. Thanks wendylou!! |
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Post by Kpatch on Aug 16, 2013 15:25:41 GMT -5
So cute. Who is Kai?
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