Boys Night Out (Read 1,956 times)

[Kpatch]

***PREVIEW***

NBC BOARDROOM

Dick Dorkay, Executive Producer [on the phone]: Molly girl! Dick Dorkay here. How the heck are you?
Molly: I’m fine, Mr. Dorkay.
Dorkay: How’s the new gig going?
Molly: It’s going great. Couldn’t be better.
Dorkay: Are they treating you okay over at Y&R?
Molly: Oh yes. I have my own dressing room, hair and makeup man, an assortment of danish and flavored coffees waiting for me every morning when I arrive. Health insurance is 100% paid for. I get oodles of vacation time. We shoot for a couple hours every day, and then the producers ask how we thought it went. And Paul -- he’s my Executive Producer -- has invited everyone to his house this weekend for a pool party....
Dorkay: OK OK OK. Enough already. Sorry I asked.
Molly: I thought you were calling to be friendly.
Dorkay: I have some good news too!
Molly: Really?
Dorkay: The ratings for Daytime Cereal were through the roof.
Molly: No kidding! That’s great.
Dorkay: We were one of the top three stories in the Story Time section at MyHourglass among 18 to 64 year old readers.
Molly: I’m really happy for you, Mr. Dorkay.
Dorkay: Now the readers are clamoring for more. I need something to follow it up with.
Molly: Good for you. I’ve got to run. I’m wanted on set.
Dorkay: Wait wait wait. Molly, you don’t understand. I need you to come back.
Molly: Sorry, Mr. Dorkay, I can’t.
Dorkay: I was hoping you’d say that things weren’t going so great for you at the Young and the Reckless.
Molly: Thanks a lot.
Dorkay: What I meant to say is, I was hoping I could persuade you to return.
Molly: By offering me what? No amount of money?
Dorkay: Then what am I going to do???
Molly: I don’t know. Maybe you can do the male version of Daytime Cereal.
Dorkay: The mail version?
Molly: No, the male version -- tell the guys’ side of the story.
Dorkay: That’s actually a good idea. Who can I get to help me with it?
Molly: I’m sure you’ll find someone. I really have to go.
Dorkay: Wait wait wait. How about that kid who plays Will?
Molly: Dylan?
Dorkay: Yeah.
Molly: I’m pretty sure he goes to school. I don’t know if he’d have the time.
Dorkay: Then who can I get to help me?
Molly: Let me make a few calls and I’ll get back to you.


Any resemblance to persons real or fictional, living or dead, throughout this story is purely coincidental.

______________________________________
Copyright ©2009 kpatch. All rights reserved.

[Kpatch]

Boys' Night Out
Story created, written and directed by: kpatch
Technical advisor and men’s dialogue consultant: Andre DiMera


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: Victor! What can I do for you?
John: The name is John. Victor Kiriakis is the name of my character. After all these years of working together, I would think you’d know my name.
Dorkay: I never get involved in my people’s personal lives. I like to keep things strictly business. So, what can I do for you, Victor?
John: Molly asked me to come.
Dorkay: Molly?
John: She said you need help with your new daytime serial.
Dorkay: Huh? I thought she was going to send Will ... uh, the kid who plays Will.
John: Both Dylan and Taylor are busy with their studies. They go to school on set and don’t have time to do much else. So I came.
Dorkay: Hmmm. Not sure I like that idea. Did Molly brief you on ...
John: Yes. She explained everything to me. Here, sign this.
Dorkay: What is it?
John: A contract.
Dorkay: I know it’s a contract, doofus. You think I was born yesterday? What’s it for?
John: It’s to keep me from being abused the way you abused Molly.
Dorkay: Abused? I treated that kid like a ... like a ...
John: Is “slave” perhaps the word you’re looking for? According to the terms of this contract, I will work with you on your project for 20% over and above my regular per-diem rate of pay. The length of this contract is 10 chapters. Anything over 10 chapters and my per diem rate increases incrementally by 5% per day.
Dorkay [looking at the contract]: It says no nights or weekends. Molly used to come in on Saturdays and stay late every night.
John: You should have held onto her. She was a true gem.
Dorkay: Wish I knew then what I know now.
John: I'm on the clock. Let's get to work. What do we do first?
Dorkay: Well, this is the all-male version of Daytime Cereal. You read that story, right?
John: Yes I did. What's the setting?
Dorkay: The setting is the junior college, just like in Daytime Cereal.
John: Let me get this straight. The men come to a class every morning to discuss their relationships.
Dorkay: Right.
John: Wrong!
Dorkay: Why? What’s wrong with that?
John: Don’t you have any insight at all into human nature? Men would absolutely not go to a regimented class to talk with other men about their relationships. That’s the stuff fantasies are made of.
Dorkay: Well, a soap is a sort of fantasy.
John: Yes, but readers like a little realism tossed into the fantasy mix.
Dorkay: I suppose you have a point.
John: You’re damn right I do.
Dorkay: How about the hospital?
John: Fine. Why are they all at the hospital?
Dorkay: They're visiting someone?
John: Who?
Dorkay: I don't know. What does it matter?
John: It matters to the readers.
Dorkay: Then how about the Brady Pub?
John: Wrong.
Dorkay: You say no to everything! What’s wrong with the Brady Pub?
John: You can't have an all-male series set at a restaurant that's owned by a woman, and has a female wait staff.
Dorkay: How about the park?
John: Too girlie.
Dorkay: Java Cafe?
John: WAY too girlie.

To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: You say no to everything! What’s wrong with the Brady Pub?
John: You can't have an all-male series set at a restaurant that's owned by a woman, and has a female wait staff.
Dorkay: How about the park?
John: Too girlie.
Dorkay: Java Cafe.
John: WAY too girlie.

[Later that night]
Dorkay: It’s after hours. Can’t I go home yet?
John: That’s it!
Dorkay: What’s “it”?
John: After hours ... as in an after-hours bar.
Dorkay: You mean someplace like the Cheatin' Heart?
John: Exactly! What's next?
Dorkay: The cast.
John: OK, here's the lineup. Write this down ... Steve, Bo, Roman, Philip, Brady, EJ, Lucas, Max, Rafe, Daniel. What's next?
Dorkay: Sounds good. Next, we need to schedule a couple of guest lecturers, just like when they had Alice, Kayla, Lexie, and Marlena show up at the breakfast club to give the girls advice.
John: You can't have guest lecturers come to the Heart. It's not like we're talking about Speakers' Corner in London's Hyde Park. It has to be more natural. Who are the guest lecturers?
Dorkay: Shawn?
John: Shawn Senior is deceased.
Dorkay: I meant Shawn Douglas.
John: Ha! Shawn Douglas has no wisdom to offer. But I like the Douglas part. We'll have Doug show up. Who else?
Dorkay: Daniel?
John: Heaven help us. What's his advice? How to grope a woman without her realizing it? Besides, he’s part of the regular cast.
Dorkay: John?
John: Yes?
Dorkay: No, not you. I meant John Black.
John: Hmmm. Maybe. Let me think about it. Anyone else?
Dorkay: No.
John: Yes.
Dorkay: Who?
John: Abe Carver. He's been married a long time, been through a lot. Put Abe on the list.
Dorkay: How about Victor?
John: You'll have to pay me extra.
Dorkay: Then scratch Victor.
John: What's next?
Dorkay: Sponsorships. We need to do product placements.
John: Like those foolish products you had Melanie eating every day throughout Daytime Cereal. That was truly awkward, Dick.
Dorkay: But we need revenue.
John [mockingly]: “But we need revenue.” I hate it when you whine. Here's what you do. Remember the old days when daytime serials were “brought to you by” one or two companies?
Dorkay: Sure I do ... back in my parents' day. It was usually a company like Proctor and Gamble or Lever Brothers -- soap manufacturers. That's how soap operas got their moniker.
John: We need a beer sponsor and a car sponsor. Get your advertising department on it immediately.
Dorkay: Good thinking!
John: Let's get started.
Dorkay: Wait wait wait. Who's doing the writing?
John: kpatch.
Dorkay: Whew. That's a relief.
John: Now then. Can we start the series?
Dorkay: Patience, grasshopper. Tomorrow is soon enough.
John: But the readers are getting restless.
Dorkay: Ha! Like I care about the readers. Let ‘em eat cake.
John: Dick, Dick, Dick, Molly would be so disappointed in you. She told me that she felt so hopeful about your future when she left.
Dorkay: Molly said that?
John: Indeed she did.
Dorkay: Hmmm, maybe we can just show a little of Chapter 1, like a teaser.
John: That sounds like a grand idea.


Chapter 1 Teaser

CHEATIN’ HEART

[John Black enters the Cheatin’ Heart and goes over to where Steve, Bo, Roman, and Rafe are shooting pool.]
Steve, Bo, Roman: John!
John: Hey! I finally caught up with you. Hope told me you were here.
Bo: Hey, man, what are you doing in Salem?
John: Marlena was asked to be a guest lecturer at a women’s group over at the junior college, so I tagged along.
Steve: That’s cool.
Bo: Come on, join us. Have you met Rafe? Rafe, this John Black, Sami’s stepfather.
Steve: I’ll go get us some beers.
John: Nice to meet you, Ralph.
Rafe: It’s Rafe.
John: That’s what I said. If you’ll excuse me, I want to say hello to my son over there.
[John walks over to Brady who’s been playing darts with Lucas and Philip.]
Brady: Dad! [He and John embrace.]

Tune in for the rest of Chapter 1....

[Kpatch]

CHEATIN’ HEART

[Readers: Please click the link to listen to the song that’s playing on the Cheatin’ Heart juke box.
]

[John Black enters the Cheatin’ Heart and goes over to where Steve, Bo, Roman, and Rafe are shooting pool.]
Steve, Bo, Roman: John!
John: Hey! I finally caught up with you. Hope told me you were here.
Bo: Hey, man, what are you doing in Salem?
John: Marlena was asked to be a guest lecturer at a women’s group over at the junior college, so I tagged along.
Steve: That’s cool.
Bo: Come on, join us. Have you met Rafe? Rafe, this John Black, Sami’s stepfather.
Steve: I’ll go get us some beers.
John: Nice to meet you, Ralph.
Rafe: It’s Rafe.
John: That’s what I said. If you’ll excuse me, I want to say hello to my son over there.
[John walks over to Brady who’s been playing darts with Lucas and Philip.]
Brady: Dad! [He and John embrace.]

[Steve walks over to the bar.]
Steve: Maxwell, my man.
Max: It’s closing time, Steve.
Steve: Already? How about just one last round of beer for me and my friends, Little Dude?
Max: Okay, but only if you stop calling me Little Dude.
Steve: I thought you liked that.
Max: I did ... when I was little. But now? Not so much.
Steve: No problem, Little Dude.
Max: So, how many beers? Not sure which of those guys you’re referring to when you say “your friends.”
Steve: Four. Me, Roman, Rafe, John, and Bo.
Max: You, Roman, Rafe, John, and Bo. Uh, I’m no math genius -- or am I? Anyway, that makes five of you, not four.
Steve: Not if you remember that Roman and John used to be the same person. [Laughs] Get it?
Max: That was a little before my time, but I’ve heard the story. Five beers. Here you go.

[Meanwhile, over at the dartboard...]
Daniel [enters the bar]: Who’s got the new ‘Vette in the parking lot?
Philip: It’s mine. Isn’t she sweet?
Daniel: She’s sharp. Mind if I take her for a spin? [Philip tosses Daniel his car keys and Daniel heads out.]
Max: Must be nice.
Philip: What must be nice?
Max: To have a new car and hand the keys to someone without a worry.
Philip: Daniel saved my life. If I trusted him with my health, I think I can trust him with my car.
Max: Why did you get a new car? Was the old one outta gas?
Philip: Ha Ha. No. I just felt like it.
Max: Again, must be nice.
Philip: What’s your point, Max?
Max: I’d love to be able to afford a new car every year or two. Even a TOYOTA or a HONDA.
Philip: I work hard for my money.
Max: Come on, Philip.
Lucas: You’re fixing up a couple cars, aren’t you Max?
Max: Yeah, a couple oldies, but goodies.
Lucas: Oh yeah? Like what? A ’56 T-Bird?
Max: A '49 FORD and a '55 CHEVY Convertible. They eat up most of my salary.
Lucas [whistles]: I’ll bet they’re something else!
Max: Next time you come by the Pub, I’ll show them to you.
Philip: I work from 7 in the morning until 7 at night, and that doesn’t even include all the work I take home.
Max: Lots of people put in long hours, Philip, but they don’t earn anywhere near the money you do. Being born with a silver spoon in your mouth really pays off.
Philip: I don’t like what you’re insinuating.
[Brady rejoins the group playing darts.]
Max: I don’t think there was any insinuation at all. I was pretty direct.
Philip: OK, fine, I AM lucky. I have a wealthy father -- who, by the way, is a self-made man, and he's built a successful company. But that doesn’t make me a spoiled brat.
Max: It doesn’t make you a little princess either.
Brady: Philip’s right, Max. He served his country. He did two tours of duty, even after being badly injured the first time. We owe people like Philip a great debt.
Philip: I’m not looking for gratitude. But I’m also not looking for an attitude (glares at Max).
Daniel [returning]: Wow, that was a great ride. I may just have to trade in my Ferrari. The leather seats on your ‘Vette are so soft ... just like a woman’s....
Philip: Hey, Max. Wanna take her for a spin?
Max: For real?
Philip: Sure. Go ahead.
Max: Sweet! [Takes the car keys from Daniel and heads out.]


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay [on his cell phone, whispering:] Molly, it’s me. I need to talk to you. It’s important.
Molly: Who’s this?

To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay [on his cell phone, whispering:] Molly, it’s me. I need to talk to you. It’s important.
Molly: Who’s this?
Dorkay: Dick.
Molly: I can hardly hear you. Could you speak up?
Dorkay: It’s Dick. Dick Dorkay.
Molly: Oh hi, Mr. Dorkay. How are things going with you and John?
Dorkay: Fine fine fine. But why did you have to send Victor ... I mean John ... of all people?
Molly: Is there a problem?
Dorkay: Yeah, he’s not you.
[John enters the room]
John: He’s not who? Who are you talking to?
Dorkay [to Molly]: Gotta run. Bye. [To John]: No one, Victor, nothing.
John: Then why all the whispering?
Dorkay: Sore throat. Larginitis.
John: You mean laryngitis?
Dorkay: Yeah, that too.
John: Take a cough drop. Now let’s get to work.


CHEATIN’ HEART

[Daniel is sitting at the bar, drinking a JIM BEAM KENTUCKY BOURBON on the rocks. EJ walks in. Philip gets in his face.]
Philip: You’re not welcome here, DiMera.
Lucas: That’s right. Why don’t you turn around and go back where you came from?
EJ: I can’t.
Lucas: Why not?
EJ: Nicole is on her period. I can’t go back home. I have nowhere to go.
[The men all nod in compassion for EJ’s predicament.]
Lucas: So, Raff, how are things going between you and Sami?
Rafe: It’s Rafe.
Lucas: That’s what I said.
Rafe: Things are great with Sami.
Lucas and EJ: Bullsh--!
Lucas: If you want MY advice....
Rafe: I don’t. I mean, thanks for the offer, but I can handle it.
Lucas: Then, you’d be the first.
Rafe: Ok, ok, so things aren’t perfect. Sami can be challenging.
EJ: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about her.
Rafe: Come on, admit it, that’s part of the appeal. She’s unpredictable. She keeps you on your toes. She’s not your average woman.
Philip: Give me an “average” woman any day.
Steve [from over at the pool table]: Are you calling my baby girl “average”?
Lucas: Life with Sami certainly was interesting.
EJ: Sounds like you miss her, old chap.
Lucas: Yeah, I do. Like I miss a toothache when it’s gone.
Rafe: She does have her share of idiosyncrasies.
EJ: And how!
Rafe: Not the least of which is leaving the toilet seat down.
Max: I love Sami to death, but she’s like a poster child for high-maintenance women. Just like Stephanie and Chelsea. I don’t know. Maybe it runs in the Brady family. [Looks over at Bo and Steve who are giving Max the evil eye.] Sorry Steve. Sorry Bo. No offense meant. But here’s what I want to know.
Lucas: What’s that?
Max: Where are all the LOW-maintenance women?
Daniel: There’s no such thing!
EJ: Dr. Jonas is right.
Max: Well, how come, whenever I meet a girl, it’s always all about them, and never about me?
Steve: He’s so young.
Bo: He’ll learn.
[Max goes behind the bar and picks up a guitar. Please click the link to see Max sing.
]

[The men applaud. Max’s cell phone rings and he answers it.]
Philip: That reminds me, I need to check my messages.
Rafe: Yeah, Sami told me to call and tell her what time I’d be over.
Steve [puts his pinky and forefinger in his mouth and whistles loudly]: Hold it. Everyone!


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: Victor, that was great! I just love Glen Campbell.
John: My name is John, and that singer’s name is Toby Keith, not Glen Campbell.
Dorkay: Whatever. Where should we go from here?
John: I’d say we need a scene where the men are talking about women.
Dorkay: Not again! Weren’t they just doing that? The only thing these guys ever talk about is women.


To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

John: I’d say we need a scene where the men are talking about women.
Dorkay: Are you crazy, Victor? Not again! Weren’t they just doing that? The only thing these guys ever talk about is women.
John: The name is John, and I resent your tone, Dick. What in heaven’s name is your problem?
Dorkay: The only thing these guys ever talk about is women.
John: And your point would be...?
Dorkay: It’s unimaginative. They need to talk about something else for a change.
John: Such as?
Dorkay: I don’t know ... whatever guys talk about.
John: I happen to have it on good authority that men talk about women.
Dorkay: All the time?
John: All the time. Unless they’re talking about cars or sports.
Dorkay: Who says?
John: A young friend of mine.
Dorkay: And what makes him such a “good authority”?
John: He’s a guy.
Dorkay: OK, fine. Carry on.


CHEATIN’ HEART

[Readers: Please click the link to listen to what’s playing on the Cheatin’ Heart juke box. ]

[Max’s cell phone rings and he answers it.]
Philip: That reminds me, I need to check my messages.
Rafe: Yeah, Sami told me to call and tell her what time I’d be over.
Steve [puts his pinky and forefinger in his mouth and whistles loudly]: Hold it. Everyone! Come on dudes, if we’re gonna have any kind of conversation, we’re gonna have to ignore our cell phones. Why don’t we turn them off for a little while. Here. I’m turning off mine.
Bo: That looks like my phone. Are you sure that’s yours?
Max: Hey, mine too.
Roman: Same here.
[The men all turn off their phones.]

Lucas: NOW what are we gonna to talk about?
Philip: How about those Cubbies?
Daniel: I don’t want to talk about sports.
Bo: What do you want to talk about?
Daniel: Women! What else?
Brady: I have a question. If you all weren’t hooked up, who would you want to be with?
Daniel: Heidi Klum.
Bo: Julia Roberts.
Max: Miley Cyrus.
Lucas: Jennifer Aniston. She’s hot!


NBC BOARDROOM

John: I’m not sure I like hearing Lucas say that about Jennifer.
Dorkay: Why not? Lucas is right. Jennifer Aniston is a hot babe! Don’t you like her, Victor?
John: I happen to love her very much.
Dorkay: Really? You don’t seem like a groupie.
John: Molly was right. You really ARE clueless. Let me show you something. [He takes his wallet out of his pocket and pulls out a photo.]
Dorkay: Wow! A picture of you and Jennifer Aniston! Did you really meet her in person??? What was she like?
John [shaking his head]: Never mind. What’s in YOUR wallet?
Dorkay [takes out his wallet]: My CAPITAL ONE card.
John: Is that a photo of Molly?
Dorkay: OK, so it’s a little weird for me to carry around a picture of Molly. But it’s no weirder than you carrying around a picture of that chick from Friends.


To be continued

[Kpatch]

CHEATIN’ HEART

Bo: What do you want to talk about?
Daniel: Women! What else?
Brady: I have a question. If you all weren’t hooked up, who would you want to be with?
Daniel: Heidi Klum.
Bo: Julia Roberts.
Max: Miley Cyrus.
Lucas: Jennifer Aniston. She’s hot!
Daniel: Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.
Lucas: What? Don’t you like Jennifer Aniston?
Daniel: Of course I do, but why would you need to fantasize about ANYONE when you have a woman like Chloe at home?
Lucas: Well, we were talking about famous women we’d like to...
Brady: No, not someone famous. It has to be someone from real life. Someone we all know.
Daniel: Yeah, someone that one of the other guys is married to or going out with.
EJ: Is there anyone here whose wife or girlfriend hasn’t slept with someone else here?
Bo: Yeah. Hope.
[John clears his throat and looks the other way.]
Bo: Oh. I forgot.
Daniel: Back to the question at hand. Whose wife or girlfriend do you want to be with?
Bo: That’s dangerous territory, Dan. Are you trying to start a war here?
Daniel: Why? What do you mean?
Max: I have an idea. Why don’t we write down our choice?
Philip: Good idea! Like a secret ballot.
Max: Right! I’ll get an order pad and we can write our vote on the back of it.
Lucas: What are we doing?
Bo: We're writing down our top choice for the woman we'd want most if we weren't already hooked up.
[The men write down their answers. Music swells. Click the link to listen to the music that’s playing as the votes are read.
www.televisiontunes.com/Survi...cil_Music.html ]

EJ: I’ll go tally the responses. Once the votes are read, the decision will be final. The person voted off will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately.

EJ: One vote Chloe.
EJ: Two votes Chloe.
EJ: Three votes Chloe.
EJ: One vote Hope. We have three votes for Chloe and one vote for Hope.
EJ: Another vote for Chloe. That makes four votes Chloe, one vote Hope.
EJ: Another Hope. Now we have two votes for Hope. Four votes for Chloe.
EJ: Five votes Chloe. Two votes Hope.
EJ: Another Hope. That makes three votes Hope, five votes Chloe.
EJ: Another vote for Chloe. That makes six votes Chloe, three votes Hope, two votes remaining.
EJ: Hope. Four votes for Hope. Chloe still leads with six votes.
EJ: Seven votes Chloe, four votes Hope. Oh, there’s one more.
EJ: Seven votes Chloe, five votes for Hope. Wait a minute. There are eleven of us and we have 12 votes. Did I miscalculate?
Daniel: No, it was me. I couldn’t decide, so I voted twice.


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: Victor, that was fantastic. A spoof of the tribal council from Survivor. Wait a minute. I need to check with Legal to make sure that Mark Burnett, the Executive Producer of Survivor, won’t have a problem with this. Hmmm. Mark Burnett. I wonder if he’s any relation to Molly. I’ll be back in five minutes. Meanwhile, don’t just sit there. Do something.
John: Seems like a good time for one of those guest lecturer scenes you’re so fond of.

To be continued....

[Kpatch]

John: Seems like a good time for one of those guest lecturer scenes you’re so fond of.
Dorkay: So soon?
John: I think these men need some sound advice. Who shall we start with?
Dorkay: Let’s start with John Black, since he’s still on set.

[Readers: Please click the link to listen to what’s playing on the Cheatin’ Heart juke box:
]

CHEATIN’ HEART

Roman: So, John, how’s Marlena?
John: She’s wonderful. Just like always.
Rafe: Marlena... that’s Sami’s mother, right?
Roman: That’s right.
John: I take it you know Sami?
Lucas: In the biblical sense.
John [raising one eyebrow]: You’re involved with Sami?
Lucas: He’s Sami’s doormat.
Rafe: Where do you get off calling me a doormat?
Lucas: Because I’ve been there, pal. She turns every man she gets involved with into her personal beck-and-call boy. Look, I know you said you’re not looking for advice, but you seem like a decent guy and I hate to see you fall into the Sami Trap.
Rafe: What Sami Trap?
EJ: The trap that every man who gets involved with Sami falls into.
Lucas: It’s inevitable, man. She cries, she whines, she pouts...
EJ: She gives you those doe eyes.
Lucas: And before you know it, you’re doing her bidding.
EJ: And you don’t even realize you’re doing it.
Rafe: How do you avoid it?
John: I’ve seen Sami’s handiwork and Lucas is right. She is one of the great masters.
Rafe: Great! So I’m sunk.
John: Not necessarily.
Brady: Dad, I can tell that you’re leading up to some sage advice. So tell us.
[All the men gather around John.]

John: Men like to be in charge, right?
Lucas: Right.
John: And we also want to take care of our women. Want to protect them.
Steve: That’s what I’m sayin’, dude.
John: But most of us are involved with pretty strong women.
Bo: Ain’t that the truth!
John: And our women want the upper hand as much as we do. Then it becomes a struggle and someone has to acquiesce.
Max: So you’re saying there has to be a winner and a loser?
John: Not necessarily. There’s a fine line between taking care of your partner and dominating them.
Philip: Interesting.
John: And finding that balance is hard. Both partners want to retain their egos.
Brady: Jeez, Dad, you sound like a shrink.
Roman [sarcastically]: I wonder why.
Philip: Suppose the women want different things than we do?
John: Then someone has to compromise. That’s what relationships are made of. Compromise.
Lucas: Compromise? How?
John: You talk it over.
Lucas: Talk it over? With who?
John: With each other, Lucas.
Max: But you’re married to a psychiatrist -- one of the few women who actually likes to talk about relationships.
Steve: Maxwell, you’re so young. ALL WOMEN like to talk about relationships.
John: You just need to be honest with each other.
Philip: That’s not what my mother taught me.
Lucas: Mine either.
John: Granted, I'm sure it's a little harder if Kate is your mother. On the other hand, she was a strong female role model, so you should understand about strong women.


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: Ah, Victor, I’ve missed that John Black eyebrow lift.
John: My name is John, not Victor.
Dorkay: Whatever.
John: I remember when you brought in that coach to train us all to do the eyebrow movement.
Dorkay: The only people who got the eyebrow lift downpat were Drake and Kristian.
John: Hard to believe you spent good money on that. So, what did you think of the scene?
Dorkay: Good scene. Strong acting.
John: That’s why the younger men and the older men should interact more often.
Dorkay: Wrong wrong wrong. There’s an older group and a younger group. And Daniel’s in the middle, which is why he’s on the barstool and not with either group. And as for Rafe....
John: But that’s unrealistic. People of all ages can interact. I always hate when you do that on Days.
Dorkay: Do what?

To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

John: The younger men and the older men should interact more often.
Dorkay: Wrong wrong wrong. There’s an older group and a younger group. And Daniel’s in the middle, which is why he’s on the barstool and not with either group. And as for Rafe....
John: But that’s unrealistic. People of all ages should interact. I always hate when you do that on Days.
Dorkay: Do what?
John: Compartmentalize characters as though we don’t know what’s going on outside our little storyline. It aggravates the actors.
Dorkay: Actors?! What do they know?
John: You’re absolutely right, Dick. What do actors know? Actors like Molly and me haven’t got a clue about the show. My work here is through.
Dorkay: Okay okay okay. Try it your way. What have you got in mind?
John: I want Philip and Steve to have a scene together, given their connection through Stephanie.
Dorkay: Why the heck is Philip in every scene you write? Is this nepotism?
John: Let’s just say I’m a little biased.


CHEATIN’ HEART

[Readers: Please click the link to listen to the song that’s playing on the Cheatin’ Heart juke box:
[www.youtube.com/watch?v=UauHDIlhvTk ]

Philip: Uh oh, Steve’s coming over.
Steve: Hey dudes, don’t let me interrupt.
Brady: Come on, join us.
Steve: Don’t mind if I do. So, Philip, what’s goin’ on?
Philip: Same old.
Steve: You haven’t been talking about my baby girl, have you?
Philip: As a matter of fact, I was.
Steve: Is that why you got so quiet when I came over?
Philip: I have nothing but good things to say about her. She’s the girl of my dreams.
Daniel [from his barstool]: You mean she’s the girl of your nightmares.
Steve [walking menacingly toward Daniel]: What did you say?
Daniel: I didn’t say it. Philip did.
Steve [turns toward Philip]: Did you say that, Philip?
Philip: I think Daniel’s had a few too many. I would never speak about Stephanie that way.
Steve: Come here, Philip. Let’s shoot a game of pool.
Philip: You and me?
Steve: Sure. [Steve and Philip head over to the pool table.]
Steve: I gotta tell you something, Philip. I know Stephanie loves you, but I don’t know why. Problem is, I don’t like you.
Philip: I understand that you might not like my family, but you don’t really know ME.
Steve: Really? Are you forgetting that I was there when you chased Belle and Shawn halfway around the world to try to get Claire.
Philip [quietly]: No. But it’s something I’d LIKE to forget.
Steve: OK, say we pretend that never happened. I still say that I know you. I know your type.
Philip: My type? What does THAT mean?
Steve: Bad boy. Half outlaw, half hero. Does the wrong things for what he believes are the right reasons. I knew somebody like that once.
Philip: Who? My father?
Steve: No. Were you always this dense? I’m talking about me.
Philip: Then you GET me. You know where I’m coming from.
Steve: There’s a big difference between the two of us, Philip. When I met Stephanie’s mother, I KNEW I wasn’t worthy of her and I tried to get her to stay away from me. With you ... you have this entitlement thing goin’ on. You think you ARE worthy of Stephanie.
Philip: Look, I know I’m lucky to have someone like Stephanie in my life. And you’re wrong when you say I have a sense of entitlement. I’m well aware that she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And, the truth is, I honestly DON’T know what I did to deserve her love. But I’m gonna do everything in my power to earn it, to make her happy. You’ll see.
Steve: I hope so, man. Because if you ever hurt her, you’re a dead man.


NBC BOARDROOM, the next day

John: You’re late.
Dorkay: Sorry, I got stuck in a meeting with the NBC President. We have a huge problem.

To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

[Readers: Please click the link to hear the song playing on the Cheatin'’ Heart juke box. www.imeem.com/people/nQy6bw/m...child-of-mine/ or, if you can't access that one, click here: ]

John: You’re late.
Dorkay: I got stuck in a meeting with the NBC President. We have a huge problem, Victor.
John: The name’s John, not Victor.
Dorkay: Whatever.
John: What’s the huge problem?
Dorkay: According to the NBC President, our ratings are down among men, ages 18-34, and we need to do something.
John: What do you propose?
Dorkay: A woman.
John: Pardon?
Dorkay: We need a woman in the next scene.
John: A woman in an all-male series???
Dorkay: We need to shake things up a bit.
John: I think it would shake things up too much.
Dorkay: It’s all about the ratings, Victor.
John: I see. Who did you have in mind?
Dorkay: Molly, of course.
John: But she’s under contract to Y&R.
Dorkay: I’m sure she’d have time for a cameo.
John: I’m not so sure she would.
Dorkay: Molly and I are like this [crosses his fingers]. Didn’t she tell you that the two of us are close personal friends?
John: That’s not quite the phrase she used. Dick, if Molly can’t come, you can always recast Melanie.
Dorkay: No no no. Recast Melanie??? Are you crazy? Just like there’s only one Marlena and only one Hope, there’s only one Melanie. I’m calling her now.


CHEATIN’ HEART

[Melanie comes into the Cheatin’ Heart and surveys the sea of men.]
Melanie: Ooh, looks like I hit the jackpot. This is going to be my lucky night!
Max: What are you doing here, Melanie?
Melanie: Just stopped by to say hi. And it looks like I picked the right night.
Max: You can’t stay.
Melanie: Why not?
Max: We’re sort of busy.
Melanie [chuckles]: Right. You’re shooting pool, playing darts, and guzzling beer. And THAT’S your definition of “busy”? Wow. America ... what a country!
Max: We’re all kinda bonding. And girls aren’t welcome.
Melanie: Since when are girls not welcome? Come here. Let me check your pulse. Ooh, there’s Philip. I see an opportunity to take advantage of the fact that he’s Stephanieless. Excuse me, Max.
[She jumps in Philip’s lap]
Melanie: Hi handsome!
Philip: Ouch. What’s the matter? Did they run out of chairs?
Melanie: No. I like this seat best.
Philip [nudging her out of his lap]: Hey Max, did you lose something [points to Melanie.]
Melanie: Fine, be like that. Brady will be happy to see me. Hey Brady, whatcha doin’? Uh oh, what’s that? Are you drinking beer?
Brady: It’s root beer, Melanie. Both me and Lucas drink root beer when we’re at a bar. Looks closest to the real thing.
Melanie: Whew. That’s good to hear. Wanna give me another lesson in shooting pool?
Brady: Sorry kiddo. Not tonight. Rain check.
Melanie: What’s with everyone tonight?
Brady: We’re having a boy’s night out.
Melanie: Guys actually do that?
Max: We do tonight. Come on. [Max walks Melanie to the door.]
Melanie: You don’t have to push me.
Max [pushing her out the door]: Bye. I’ll call you tomorrow.

Brady: You know, she can be pretty cute.
Philip: Right. As long as you ignore her personality.
Brady: No, I mean it. She’s a pretty girl. Kinda sexy too.
Philip: What???
Brady: You know what I mean. If you look past her annoying qualities, she’s quite adorable. She makes me want to...
Philip: Want to what?
Brady: Protect her.
Daniel: She’s a hot little bundle.
Brady: You say that about all women.
Daniel: And I haven’t been wrong yet. Hey, have you seen Nicole lately?
Brady: How about those Cubbies?
Philip: I never understood what Dad saw in Nicole when they were together. But since she’s been back in Salem, I can see why he was interested in her in the first place. She’s got this certain something.
Daniel [gesturing toward his chest]: But not as much of it as Sami does.
[The guys laugh.]
Philip: Or Chloe.
Daniel: Or Kate.
Philip: Okay, that just ruined the moment for me.
Max: How about Belle? I had a real crush on her when I was growing up.
Philip: Me too.
Max: At least you got to live out your fantasy.
Brady: I really miss Tink.
Daniel: I don’t know who you’re talking about, but I’d really like to meet this Tink. What’s her address?


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: Seems like the guys are getting all hot and bothered.
John: See, I knew that would happen if you let a woman enter the scene.
Dorkay: Where do we go from here?

To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: The guys are getting all hot and bothered.
John: See, I knew that would happen if you let a woman enter the scene.
Dorkay: Where do we go from here, Victor?
John: Seems like a good time for another guest lecturer.
Dorkay: Then let’s bring Abe in.


CHEATIN’ HEART

[Abe enters the bar and goes to sit with his brethren in blue. Please click the link to hear the song that’s playing on the Cheatin'’ Heart juke box: ]

Rafe: It seems like some of you have been married for a long time. Who’s been married the longest?
Lucas: I have.
Bo: Sorry, Lucas, but I think I’ve got you beat.
Lucas: Oh, I thought the question was, who’s been married the most.
Rafe: So Bo, what’s the secret to a long and happy marriage?
Roman: Hold on a second, Bo. I want to know why Rafe is asking. Does your question have something to do with Sami?
Rafe: I suppose so.
Roman: What ARE your intentions toward Sami?
Rafe: The real question is, what are her intentions toward me?
[The men laugh.]
Rafe: To be perfectly honest ... and because my tongue has been loosened by a couple beers, I’d have to say I’m a bit...scared. I mean, unpredictable is fun when you’re dating and all, but in a long-term relationship, well, I’m just not sure.
Bo: You’re right to be nervous, man. You need stability. You need trust.
Philip: Do you trust Hope? Completely, I mean?
Bo: We’ve had our ups and downs, our lapses, you might say. But yeah, I trust her completely.
Roman [to Abe]: You’ve been pretty quiet, partner.
Abe: I was just thinking about how much Lexie and I have had to overcome because of her infidelity.
Steve: How did you do it, man? How did you find a way to trust her again?
Abe: That’s just it...once trust is lost, you never get it back. Not completely. There’s always something in the back of your mind wondering if there will be a next time.
Bo: So how do you get past that?
Abe: I don’t think you do. What you CAN do, though, is learn to live with it as best you can. If you love each other, you learn to live with it.


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: Stop stop stop. Men don’t talk like that. They’d never open up to other men that way.
John: I agree. But the majority of our readers are women, and they like it when men show their sensitive side.
Dorkay: You’ve got a point, Victor. What’s next?
John: Well, since this last chapter was so serious, why don’t we do something a little more lighthearted in the next chapter?
Dorkay: Excellent idea. I can’t wait to see what you have planned!
John: You’ll like it. I guarantee!

To be continued ...

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: What’s next, Victor?
John: Well, since the last chapter was so serious, why don’t we do something a little more lighthearted in this chapter?
Dorkay: Excellent idea. I can’t wait to see what you have planned!
John: You’ll like it. I guarantee!


CHEATIN’ HEART

Rafe: Where did your dad go?
Brady: He and Marlena are heading back to Switzerland.
Rafe: Too bad. I was hoping to meet Sami’s mother.
Brady: So Rafe, what’s the story with your sister?
Rafe: What do you mean “story”?
Brady: I mean is she seeing anyone? Was she ever married...?
Rafe: As her brother, I would advise you to steer clear of Arianna.
Brady: Why?
Rafe: Let’s just say she gives men a hard time.
Brady: Well, if you had asked me before you got involved with Sami, I’d have told you the same thing...speaking as her stepbrother, of course.
Roman: Could everyone please lay off Sami?
Rafe: There’s lots of other fish in the sea besides Arianna, Brady.
Brady: Maybe so, but I’m getting a little tired of sleeping alone...I mean being alone. I’d like to meet someone.
Philip: Do any of you ever watch the Billionaire Matchmaker on the Brave Network?
Brady: I’ve seen it.
Max: Me too.
Philip: Would you consider going to a dating service like that?
Brady: Are you kidding me? The women they pick are all bimbos. All "T and A" and no substance.
Daniel: Really? What time does that show come on? I might want to TIVO it.
Brady: I’m looking for a woman of substance.
Daniel: Do you know the phone number for this Billionaire Matchmaker?
Roman: Daniel, are you saying you’re a billionaire?
Daniel: I'd rather not discuss the size of my portfolio. But I WOULD like to talk about this matchmaker.

[Daniel, Brady, and Roman launch into song. To watch the vignette, click the link:
]


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: That was hilarious, Victor. The Matchmaker song from Fiddler on the Roof. I’ve never seen anything like that in all my life. I’m sort of hoping never to see anything like it again.
John: I’m pleased that you enjoyed it. But it occurs to me that something’s missing.
Dorkay: I didn’t take it! I swear.

To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

John: Something’s missing.
Dorkay: I didn’t take it! I swear.
John: I mean from the story.
Dorkay: What’s missing, Victor?
John: We have an overabundance of testosterone.
Dorkay: So?
John: There needs to be a fight scene.
Dorkay: A fight scene? You mean a rumble like in West Side Story? Or a fight scene like in the old westerns? Where someone breaks a bottle of JACK DANIELS WHISKEY over someone’s head? Then someone else gets thrown over the bar and rolls into the mirror and it breaks into a million little pieces?
John: I was thinking about something a little more civilized. A little more modern-day.
Dorkay: OK, but who should be fighting? Oh wait, don’t tell me. Not Philip again?
John: Considering the ongoing Kiriakis-DiMera feud, I’d suggest Philip and EJ.
Dorkay: Hmmm, I like it. Let’s do it. Put up your dukes!

[Readers: Please click the link to listen to the music that’s playing on the Cheatin’ Heart juke box: or
www.imeem.com/people/tk4_0B/m...ut-for-a-hero/ ]


CHEATIN’ HEART

EJ: Shouldn’t you be home, Philip? I believe it’s past your bedtime.
Philip: Are you still here, DiMera? I thought you left long ago. Like I said, you’re not welcome here.
EJ: It’s a free country.
Philip: For you, I suppose it is. After all, your family doesn’t even pay taxes, do you? I mean, since everything you do is illegal.
EJ: Ah yes, and exactly what is it that Titan Industries manufactures?
Philip: Our business is completely legitimate.
EJ: Ha!
Philip: Why don’t we step outside and settle this like men.
EJ: That would be rather difficult since there’s only one man between the two of us. What’s got your panties in a bunch, little girl?
Philip: You son of a gun.
EJ: Philip, it’s so easy to get you riled up.
Philip: Don’t try me, DiMera.
EJ: Let’s see. Here...this should do it ... Don’t tell me you’re still holding a grudge because you think I was behind Stephanie’s disappearance.
Philip: I will NEVER forget that you kidnapped Stephanie.
EJ: I never touched her.
Philip: Just like you never shot ME!
EJ: See, it’s so easy to get your goat... just like falling off a rock. Get a grip, old chap. She’s fine now.
Philip: That’s not the point. How dare you involve my innocent girlfriend in something that had nothing to do with her.
EJ: Innocent? Does the name Jeremy Horton ring a bell? ... One. Two. Three.
Philip: You freaking bastage.
[Philip lunges at EJ and the other men grab Philip and EJ to stop them from brawling. Steve walks between the two groups. He gets in Philip’s face.]
Steve: It’s time for the both of you to grow up and stop behaving like little boys. [He walks over to EJ.] As for you...[He punches EJ hard in the gut.] ...Don’t you EVER, EVER mess with my baby girl again. You’ve done enough to me and my family to last 10 lifetimes. Now get out of here before I kill you with my bare hands.
[EJ smoothes out his clothing and walks very slowly to the door. As he reaches the door, he turns around and glares at Steve and Philip.]
EJ [calmly and quietly]: This isn’t over. [He exits.]
Steve [to Philip]: Are you okay, dude?
Philip: Yeah, I’m ... Did you call me “dude”? I thought you only say that to people you like.
Steve: Look, man, Kayla and me are going to California. The hospital she used to work for out West has offered her a job that she can’t turn down right now.
Philip: So you’re leaving Salem?
Steve: For a while. I need you to do something for me, man.
Philip: Name it.
Steve: I want you to take care of my baby girl while we’re gone.
Philip [smiles]: You don’t even have to ask.
[The two men shake hands.]


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: Love it! Steve and Philip finally found common ground in their hatred for the DiMeras and their love for Stephanie.
John: Love and hate: the ties that bind. I’m glad you’re pleased, Dick. But the sand in the hourglass has run out, my friend. That was Chapter 10. It’s time for me to go. My contract is up.
Dorkay: I know. Thanks for the help, Victor. On your way out, could you send in the final guest lecturer?
John [sarcastically]: Don’t go getting all choked up.
Dorkay: It’s not as if you’re leaving for good. I’ll see you on the other side of the camera.
John: Indeed you will, now that I finally have a decent storyline again. Good-bye, Dick.


To be continued....

[Kpatch]

NBC STUDIOS

Dorkay: Victor, have you got a minute?
John: The name is John. Oh, never mind. What is it you want?
Dorkay: The readers have been asking about the Matchmaker video. How did you find it?
John: Ah yes, the Matchmaker video. I knew I wanted to utilize the song from Fiddler on the Roof, and let me tell you, it is difficult to find MEN singing that song.
Dorkay: I can well imagine.
John: So I enlisted a couple of young neighborhood boys and asked them if they would create a video for me.
Dorkay: I haven’t the foggiest idea how to do one of those.
John: Nor do I. But they were quite amenable.
Dorkay: Are they expecting royalties?
John: I’m not finished with the story.
Dorkay: Oh. Go on.
John: I was expecting them to actually sing the song themselves, rather than lip synching. And believe you me, I was disappointed when I saw what they had done.
Dorkay: Really?
John: Indeed! But what’s done is done. So I emailed the video off to Molly to get her opinion.
Dorkay: And?
John: She loved it. She especially liked the young man in the background who was hiding behind a book and at one point joined in.
Dorkay: That was hilarious.
John: She said she couldn’t stop laughing.
Dorkay: Ah, I love the sound of Molly’s laughter.
John: You’re starting to worry me, Dick.
Dorkay: That’s a fascinating story, Victor.
John: Much more fascinating than the real story.
Dorkay: What?
John: Ah, I made it all up. The real story is boring.
Dorkay: Just what IS the real story?
John: I did a search on the Internet for “men singing Matchmaker.”

[Kpatch]

NBC BOARDROOM

Molly: Hi, Mr. Dorkay.
Dorkay: Molly! What are you doing here?
Molly: I’m on vacation, so I thought I’d pop by and see how it’s going.
Dorkay: Vacation? Didn’t you just start your new job like a month ago?
Molly: Y&R has a very generous paid time-off policy.
Dorkay: Must be nice.
Molly: So, I spoke to John last night and he says he wrapped up already.
Dorkay: HE wrapped up. But I’ve still got work to do.
Molly: Is there anything I can do?
Dorkay: I thought you’d never ask. Here. Take this pencil and start writing. We’ve got an all-important guest lecturer scene to do.


CHEATIN’ HEART

[Doug comes into the Cheatin’ Heart]
Doug: Bo! You’re still here? Hope’s been worried sick. She sent me out looking for you.
Bo: Is anything wrong? I didn’t have a vision, so I figured everything was okay.
Doug: Everything’s fine. She just got worried when she couldn’t reach you on your cell phone.
Bo: Oh that. We all agreed to turn our cell phones off so we could talk.
Doug: All?
Bo [gesturing to the other men]: Me and the guys.
Doug: Well, well, this is quite a collection of Salem’s most notable gents.
Rafe: Maybe Doug has the answer.
Doug: Oh, hello Ray.
Rafe: It’s Rafe.
Doug: That’s what I said. Answer to what? What’s the question?
Lucas: We were all wondering the secret to a successful relationship.
Doug: Oh, you mean a male-female relationship.
Daniel: Is there any other kind?
Doug: Well, there are business relationships, and family relationships, and...
Roman: We’ve been talking about the type of relationships that have been puzzling mankind since the beginning of time.
Doug: Well, the answer is almost as complicated as the question.
Max: What do you mean?
Doug: There are a lot of variables. The most important ones are the two main ingredients. The man and the woman.
Philip: You mean having the right chemistry?
Doug: Chemistry is usually physical. There’s also the emotional and spiritual components of a relationship.
Daniel: I’ll bet Julie was hot in her day.
Doug: Was? She still is!
Lucas: So, are you saying you have to agree on things?
Doug: No one agrees on everything, Lucas. But sometimes the way you disagree is as important as the way you agree. You have to avoid pushing each other’s buttons. You need to respect your partner’s opinion.
Steve: Yeah! Even when she’s wrong!
[The men laugh.]
Brady: Is there anything you would change about your relationship with Julie if you had it to do over again?
Doug: Do over? Oh no. I wouldn’t want to do it over. I don’t envy you youngsters today and I wouldn’t want to trade places with any of you.
Max: So, you wouldn't want to be...
Doug: Young again? Not a chance.
[Doug walks over to the baby grand piano. Click the link to LISTEN to the song he sings to the men. (See song lyrics below, if interested.) Then return to read the rest of the chapter.
www.imeem.com/groups/i8mzh9CX...more-gigi-sou/
If you can’t access that link, please click here, and ignore the first 25 seconds and last 15 seconds: ]


[The men applaud.]
Doug: Thank you, thank you.
Rafe: Can I buy you a beer?
Doug: Sure, if you’ve got six bits.


NBC BOARDROOM

Dorkay: You never cease to amaze me, Molly. I wouldn’t have thought you’d know the score from Gigi.
Molly: Gigi. 1958. Directed by Vincente Minnelli.
Dorkay: Liza’s dad?
Molly: Score by Lerner and Loewe. I studied up on French culture when my character on Days was supposed to live in France. Gigi is required viewing for francophiles. Are we done here?
Dorkay: Just about. But first, it’s closing time.


[Song lyrics:]

I'M GLAD I'M NOT YOUNG ANYMORE
From "Gigi" (1958)
Lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner, Music by Frederick Loewe


Poor boy! Poor boy!
Down-hearted and depressed and in a spin
Poor boy! Poor boy!
Oh, youth can really do a fellow in!

How lovely to sit here in the shade
With none of the woes of man and maid
I'm glad I'm not young anymore

The rivals that don't exist at all
The feeling you're only two feet tall
I'm glad that I'm not young anymore

No more confusion
No morning-after surprise
No self-delusion
That when you're telling those lies
She isn't wise

And even if love comes through the door
The kind that goes on forevermore
Forevermore is shorter than before
Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore

The tiny remark that tortures you
The fear that your friends won't like her too
I'm glad I'm not young anymore
The longing to end the stale affair
Until you find out she doesn't care
I'm glad that I'm not young anymore

No more frustration
No star-crossed lover am I
No aggravation
Just one reluctant reply
"Lady, goodbye!"

The Fountain of Youth is dull as paint
Methuselah is my patron saint
I've never been so comfortable before
Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore



To be continued.... Tune in for the finale.