Risky Business (Read 751 times)

[Kpatch]

~Prologue~

JAVA CAFÉ

Will: Hey Mia.
Mia: Hey Will.
Will: Wanna go to the movies with me on Friday night?
Mia: Okay.
Will leaves. Chad arrives.

Chad: Hey Mia.
Mia: Hey Chad.
Chad: Wanna go to the movies with me on Friday night?
Mia: Okay.

Gabi has overheard everything and approaches Mia after Chad leaves.
Gabi: Up to your old tricks again, I see.
Mia: It’s none of your business.
Gabi: I could make it my business.
Mia: You’re just jealous.

kpatch: Cut!
Director: What do you mean “cut”? You’re not allowed to yell “cut”! I’m the only one who gets to say “cut.”
kpatch: Then say it … I beg you!
Director: What? Why?
kpatch: Because this is the worst sh** I’ve ever written. I want a do-over.
Director: I can’t argue with you there.
kpatch: Well?
Director: Okay, okay. Shouting: Stop tape!
kpatch: Thank you!
Director: We have our whole film crew lined up and ready to go. Time is money, you know. When will you have a rewrite for me?
kpatch: I’ll have something for you by tomorrow.
Director: It had better be good.
kpatch: It will be. I promise. … I’d like to say a word to my readers.
Director: Whatever. We’re closing down the set for today.

kpatch: Readers … please forgive me. I tried to write a good summer story for the teen set, but it’s just not possible. Please tune in starting tomorrow to this same thread where I will post the start of a story that I guarantee you will enjoy.


To be continued weekdays...

______________________________________
Copyright © 2010 kpatch. All rights reserved.

[Kpatch]

Readers: Please click the link to listen to the song while reading the first chapter:



The Plot
Caroline is babysitting for Ciara, Johnny, Allie, Theo and Sydney at the Brady Pub because ...

-Hope, Bo, Justin, Rafe, Roman and Abe are at a law enforcement convention.
-Lexie, Daniel, Chloe, Carly, Nathan, Stephanie, and Melanie are at a medical convention. Vivian and Gus are secretly there too.
-Brady, Philip, Kate, Victor, Maggie, Adrienne, EJ and Stefano are at a business convention.
-Sami is at a convention for single mothers.
-The teens are in Cozumel, Mexico during yet another school break.
-Nicole and Arianna are on assignment for the TV station and do not appear in this story.


THE BRADY PUB

The children are at the Pub, coloring, playing with dolls, stuffed animals, toy trucks and toy airplanes. Caroline comes out of the back room with her purse and a suitcase.

Caroline: Kids, I need your attention for a minute.
The children stop what they are doing and look at Caroline.
Caroline: I just got a call from my daughter -- Aunt Kimberly -- in California. She’s sick and she needs me to be with her. I’ve been calling around trying to arrange for a babysitter for you, but everyone is out of town. That said, you’re going to have to be your own babysitters. Ciara sweetie, you’re in charge. I’m going to turn on this Shrek 4 video. It’s on a continuous loop. I sure hope you like it. Be good.

Caroline turns the “Open” sign to “Closed,” walks out and locks the door. The children stare at each other with their mouths open.


To be continued....

[Kpatch]

A CAB ON THE WAY TO THE MEDICAL CONVENTION AT THE MARRIOTT MARQUIS HOTEL ON BROADWAY IN NEW YORK CITY

Stephanie: Nathan, I have something I need to tell you.
Nathan: Shoot.
Stephanie: I’m having a baby.
Nathan: Cool.
Stephanie: It’s your baby.
Nathan: Huh? I thought you were on the Pill. How did that happen?
Stephanie: You’re a doctor. You should know biology.
Nathan: Ohhhhh. Gotcha.
Stephanie: Is that all you have to say about it?
Nathan: Hmmm. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. Look Steph, I promise to love that baby like it’s my own.
Stephanie: Dum-dum, it is your own.
Nathan: How can you be so sure?


MARRIOTT MARQUIS HOTEL, BUSINESS CONVENTION

Victor, Brady, Philip, Kate, Stefano, EJ, Maggie, and Adrienne are standing near Ballroom A, reviewing the agenda for the business conference.

Maggie: What an impressive lineup of speakers!
Victor: Very impressive indeed.
Stefano: Let’s see. There is billionaire Warren Bumpit, MicroHard CEO Gill Bates ...
Victor: Ah, my boyhood friend Donald Grump is here.
Philip: So is Martha Skewered.
Kate: I hate her guts. Ooh, but I’ve always wanted to meet Jack Squelch, former CEO of Colonel Electric.
Brady: Look at this. There are two tracks available for the conference.
Adrienne: You don’t say.
EJ: It appears that one track is for legitimate businesses, and one is for illegal activities.
Stefano, EJ, Victor and Kate go into the conference room labeled “Illegal Activities,” while Brady, Maggie, and Adrienne go into the room for “Legitimate Businesses.” Philip stands between the two doorways trying to decide which room to enter.

To be continued ...

[Kpatch]

BALLROOM B, THE MEDICAL CONFERENCE

Melanie: I’m so excited. This is my first medical conference.
Carly: Well, that’s not exactly true.
Melanie: Huh? What do you mean?
Carly: I mean you sort of were at a medical conference once. You were conceived at one.
Melanie: You really ought to have a filter.
Carly: Pardon?
Melanie: You don’t need to say everything that comes into your mind, you know. Some things are better left unsaid.
Carly: I still don’t understand.
Nathan: So Steph, what are you gonna do while we’re in the conference?
Stephanie: Wait for you in our room.
Nathan: All day?
Stephanie: I’ll be wearing your favorite teddy. See ya later.
Carly: What are you doing, Daniel?
Daniel: I’m buying a condom from the vending machine. Gotta love New York! Hey Nathan, can I buy you one?
Nathan [looking longingly at Melanie]: Sure.
Melanie: Wow, what a great lineup of guests they’ve got.
Carly [looks at the roster]: Let’s see. Ooh, Dr. Oz. I’ve always wanted to meet him.
Melanie: Also Dr. House, Dr. Demento, Dr. Doolittle, Dr. Wu, and Dr. Patient Confidentiality.
Daniel: That’s not a doctor’s name, kitten. That’s the topic of the presentation. They’re doing a presentation about doctor-patient confidentiality.
Lexie: I think I’ll skip that one and see if Stephanie wants to go shopping. Bloomies is having their semi-annual clearance sale.


To be continued ...

[Kpatch]

THE BRADY PUB

Caroline has just left and the children are staring at each other with their mouths open wide.

Allie [shaking her finger at the other children]: Close your mouths! You’ll catch flies.
Johnny slides off his chair, turns off the Shrek 4 video, goes over to the jukebox and selects B17.

Readers: Please click the link to listen to the song he selects:

Johnny starts dancing and singing to the music, and the other children join him for about 30 seconds.

Johnny: What do you want to do now?
Ciara: I wanna play with Tommy Bear.
Allie: Oh grow up.
Ciara: Wanna play Go Fish?
Theo: Yeah!
Allie: That’s for kids.
Johnny: Well, you’re a kid.
Ciara: Aces and Queens are high.
Theo: What does that mean?
Ciara: I don’t know.

The kids sit at a table and start playing cards. Ciara deals until the deck is completely finished.

Theo: What do we do now?
Ciara: You stare at your cards for a while and pretend they’re talking to you.
Theo starts laughing.
Allie: What’s so funny?
Theo: One of my cards just said a bad word.
Johnny: Something stinks. Theo, did you just poop?
Theo: No, not just. But I think I know who did just poop.
All eyes turn toward Sydney.
Ciara: Who’s gonna change Sydney’s diaper?
Johnny: Not me. You do it.
Ciara: She’s your sister, not mine.
Allie: Sydney, you’re disgusting. Go stand in the corner.
Sydney’s lower lip starts trembling and before long, she’s in an all-out cry.
Allie: Jeez, you are such a cry baby.
Johnny: Oh give the kid a break. It’s not like any of us never pooped in our pants.
Theo: Come on, people. Let’s get back to the card game.
Allie: Ciara, I don’t know what’s in your hand.
Ciara: I don’t know what’s in your hand either, Allie.
Allie: I know what’s in Theo’s hand. He’s holding his cards backwards.
Ciara: Ooh, ooh, I have an ace. And a queen.
Allie: Surprise surprise.
Ciara: What’s that supposed to mean?
Allie: It means, Miss Card Dealer, that you dealt yourself a pretty nice hand.
Ciara: Are you accusing me of cheating?
Allie: If the shoe fits.
Ciara: I am not cheating! You believe me, don’t you, Theo?
Theo: Uh huh.
Allie: Ha!
Ciara: Take that back or I’m telling.
Allie: Will not.
Ciara: Will too.
Allie: Will not.
The two girls start pushing and shoving each other, pulling hair, and pretty soon, they’re rolling around on the floor.
Theo: Girl fight!
Johnny: Jolly good show!


To be continued ...

[Kpatch]

BALLROOM C, LAW ENFORCEMENT CONFERENCE

Hope, Bo, Rafe, Justin, Abe, and Roman are seated at a table, drinking their coffee when the keynote speaker takes the stage.
Clint Eastgood [squinting at the crowd]: I’d like to demonstrate a really cool way to hold a gun. It would really make my day to have a beautiful member of the audience come onstage with me. [He looks at Hope.] How about you, beautiful?
Hope winks at him and sprints onto the stage. Clint positions himself behind Hope and puts his arms around her, takes her hand and clasps it around the gun.
Hope: Ooh, this is a great move. Are you feeling lucky, hunk?
Bo is watching this and fuming with jealousy. He stands up and draws his gun.
Bo: Drop it punk!
Roman, Abe, and Justin wrestle Bo to the ground.
Clint: Who the hell is that?
Hope: Just my ex. Pay no attention to him. He’s been under a lot of stress.
Clint: Thank you for your assistance, Detective. You can leave the stage and I’ll see you later. Right now, I have a clip from one of my movies I want you all to watch very carefully. Roll tape.

Readers, please click the link to view along:


Clint: Now, I want everyone to follow me. We’re going to Central Park to re-enact that scene.


To be continued ...



Video clip edited for kpatch by kazz

[Kpatch]

THE BRADY PUB

Theo: I’m tired of playing cards.
Allie: What do you want to do next?
Johnny: Let’s ask Sydney.
Allie: She won’t like it. She hates everything.
Ciara: How about ... hmmm. I know! Let’s play “When do you think you’ll get SORAS’d* and how old do you think you will be”?
Johnny: I think I’m gonna be SORAS’d next year and I think I’m gonna be 17 like my big brother Will.
Allie: Did you know that you could get SORAS’d and then de-SORAS’d?
Johnny: Jeez Allie, where did you hear that?
Ciara: I’m telling your mom you said “jeez.”
Johnny: So?
Ciara: My mommy says it’s a bad word.
Johnny: My mommy says bad words all the time.
Theo: When do you think you’ll get SORAS’d, Ciara?
Ciara: I hope it’s soon. I wanna be SORAS’d to 25.
Johnny: 25??? That’s like dead. Why 25?
Ciara: Because, then I’ll be the right age for Uncle Philip. He’s dreamy.
Allie: Ew. He’s your uncle. And mine.
Ciara: So what? I’m related to practically everybody. I have no choice but to marry a relative.
Allie: You’re not related to Theo.
Ciara blushes.
Allie: OMG! Did you see that? She blushed. She likes Theo!
Johnny [in a sing-songy manner]: Ciara has a crush on Theo.
Johnny and Allie: Ciara and Theo sittin’ in a tree ... K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Ciara runs out of the room and into the kitchen.

Johnny: I’m hungry.
Allie: You’re always hungry.
Johnny: Well, aren’t you hungry too?
Allie: I guess.
Johnny: Hey Ciara, get back here. You’re in charge. Make us something to eat.
Ciara comes back.
Ciara: OK. What do you want?
Allie: Cheesy mac.
Johnny: Yorkshire pudding.
Theo: Balony sandwiches.
Sydney: Applesauce.
Ciara: OK, I’ll be right back.


LATER ...

Johnny: I’m still hungry. How long does it take to make Yorkshire pudding?
Theo: I’ll bet she can’t cook. My mommy says her mommy is a bad cook.
Johnny: What do you suppose is taking Ciara so long?
Allie: I don’t know, but she’s been gone a long time.


To be continued...

*SORAS = Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome

[Kpatch]

A HOTEL ROOM AT THE MARRIOTT MARQUIS

Gus: Madam, perhaps you should give up on your plan to get Chloe Lane to eliminate Carly Manning.
Vivian: Me, give up? Don’t be such a negative Nelly, Gus. I have another plan. Here’s what I want you to do.


BALLROOM D, THE MARRIOT MARQUIS HOTEL

Sami walks into Ballroom D, where the Single Mothers conference is being held. Dozens of TV monitors around the room are simultaneously playing the wire hanger scene from Mommy Dearest and the walls of the conference room are draped with oversized posters of Donna Reed. She looks at the agenda.

Sami: Wow, this should be great. The keynote speaker is Brittany Spears, and there’s going to be a presentation by Octomom. Can’t wait!


SPRING BREAK IN COZUMEL, MEXICO

Will: Hey Mia.
Mia: Hey Will.
Will: Wanna go snorkeling with me later?
Mia: Okay.
Will leaves. Chad arrives.

Chad: Hey Mia.
Mia: Hey Chad.
Chad: Wanna go snorkeling with me later?
Mia: Okay.

Gabi has overheard everything and approaches Mia after Chad leaves.
Gabi: Up to your old tricks again, I see.
Mia: It’s none of your business.
Gabi: I could make it my business.
Mia: You’re just jealous.


HALLWAY OUTSIDE DANIEL AND CHLOE’S HOTEL ROOM

Gus has posted a sign on Daniel’s hotel room door that says “Pajama Party in Progress. If you’re not Daniel, Carly, or Melanie, keep out.” Chloe walks up to her and Daniel’s hotel room and is about to put the key card in the door when she sees the sign.

Chloe: “Pajama Party in Progress. If you’re not Daniel, Carly, or Melanie, keep out.” Hmmm. I’m not Daniel. I’m not Carly. I’m not Melanie. Oh no. I’m not invited!

Chloe’s lower lip starts trembling and before long, she’s in an all-out cry. She runs off.


To be continued ...

[Kpatch]

THE BRADY PUB

Johnny: I’m still hungry. How long does it take to make Yorkshire pudding?
Theo: I’ll bet she can’t cook. My mommy says her mommy is a bad cook.
Johnny: What do you suppose is taking Ciara so long?
Allie: I don’t know, but she’s been gone a long time.
Johnny [shouting in a fake English accent]: Woman! Get out here. Now!

Ciara comes running out of the kitchen.
Johnny: Where’s my food? You didn’t bring my food! He starts to cry.
Ciara: Oh, I forgot about the food. But look what I found in the treasure box under Grandma Caroline’s bed.
Allie: A video disk.
Theo: Ooh, I hope it’s Hanna Montana.
Johnny grabs the video.
Ciara: Hey!
Allie: Hay is for horses.
Ciara: Johnny’s being mean.
Allie: He always gets mean when he’s hungry.
Johnny goes to the DVD player and pops in the disk that Ciara found. It starts to play. Click the link to see what the kids are watching.



Allie: Ew, that’s disgusting.
Theo: Turn it off.
Ciara: Yeah, turn it off. Wait a second. Is that Uncle Philip? Leave it on a little longer.
Johnny: I gotta go to the bafroom.


To be continued ...

Video clip edited for kpatch by Kazz.

[Kpatch]

BALLROOM A, THE MARRIOTT MARQUIS HOTEL

Former New York City Mayor Rudy JewelryOnMe: Welcome to the final day of our conference. How’m I doin’?
The crowd cheers.
Mayor JewelryOnMe: We have a great treat today. We have attendees from the medical, business, and law enforcement conferences assembled here today to discuss a case study with you. I would like to introduce the Honorable Mayor of Salem, Abraham Carver, to present the case to you.
Abe: Thank you Mayor JewelryOnMe. We recently had a head-bashing mugger who was victimizing powerful men, myself included. We mobilized the law enforcement community, the business community, and the medical community to assist in the case.
Mayor JewelryOnMe: How long did it take to solve the crime?
Abe: Actually, it’s still unsolved, but our crack detective Hope Brady is very close to the perp. Very very very very very very very very very very very very very close.
Hope stands up and waves to the crowd.
Mayor JewelryOnMe: If the case is still unsolved, should we even be talking about it in public?
Abe: Sure. Why not?
Mayor JewelryOnMe: I guess they do things differently in Salem.
Abe: As an example of how the medical, police, and business communities worked together on this crime, I would like to introduce the panel behind me. We have Victor Kiriakis, who put up the reward money. Hope Brady, our cracked detective. And a team of top-notch medical professionals who treated the vics. There’s my wife, the hospital administrator Lexie Carver. And head surgeon Daniel Jonas. Intern Nathan Horton. Dr. Carly Manning, whose role remains a mystery. And Melanie Kiriakis, our nurse in training. We discovered that a key to getting the victims to the hospital alive was to administer mouth-to-mouth rescuscitation at the scene. Nathan and Melanie are going to demonstrate, with Nathan playing the part of the victim, and Melanie playing the first responder.

Nathan lies on the floor as Melanie cradles his head, tilts it back and begins administering mouth-to-mouth. Nathan responds almost immediately and the two begin kissing. Philip, who has been watching from the audience, is appalled, disgusted, mad as hell, and can’t take it anymore. He gets up and heads for the hotel bar.


To be continued ...

[Kpatch]

THE BRADY PUB

Theo: What do you wanna do now?
Allie: I know. Let’s put on a show!
Johnny: Yea! Hey Allie, let’s do that number that we rehearsed.
Sydney: Not that again.
Johnny: Huh?
Sydney: I’ve been sitting here keeping my opinions to myself for what seems like Days, and I just can’t do it any longer.
Allie: Oh shut up, you little troublemaker. No one wants to hear what you have to say.
Ciara: I do.
Theo: Me too.
Sydney: Thank you Ciara and Theo! You know, you all have been sitting around whining that you’re bored and hungry...
Johnny: I almost forgot. I’m still hungry.
Sydney: Then go make yourself something! You’re not helpless. You’re all a bunch of whiny do-nothings like my mother. I hope you get SORAS’d real soon because I want a different bunch of kids to grow up with.
Theo: Don’t you want to be SORAS’d, Sydney?
Sydney: Hell no. I’ll just wind up a hot mess like my mom and all the teenagers and adults in Salem. I’d much prefer to stay a baby, no matter how many times I get kidnapped.
Johnny: That’s only because you’ve gotten a better storyline than anybody else.
Theo: Yea, and tons of screen time.
Allie: Pay no attention to her baby babble.
Johnny: Come on, Allie, let’s sing.

Readers, please click the link to LISTEN to Johnny and Allie perform.



To be continued....

[Kpatch]

HALLWAY OUTSIDE A MARRIOTT MARQUIS HOTEL ROOM

Chloe knocks on a hotel room door. Philip answers the knock. He’s holding a flask and is pretty inebriated. Chloe enters the room and Philip closes the door.

Chloe: Philip, something awful happened.
Philip: No sh!t.
Chloe: Daniel and Carly and Melanie are a family. They had a pajama party and I wasn’t invited.
Philip: Maybe you weren’t, but I’ll bet Nathan was.
Chloe: Huh?
Philip: If you think that was bad, you should plade traces with me. I was just humbiliated in front of hundreds of people.
Chloe: Humbiliated? What are you talking about? What happened?
Philip: Wy mife and Dr. Hatehim Dorkton were kissing on the stage.
Chloe: What???
Philip: In front of everyone. They were kissing. You know ... Lips touching and rubbing.
Chloe: Oh my gosh.
Philip: I don’t think Melanie has unresolved feelings for young Dr. Kildare anymore. It looked to me like they were well on their way to getting their feelings resolved. Very resolved.
Chloe: Oh Philip, that’s awful. What are we gonna do?
Philip: Same thing we do every time our fragile egos get crushed.
They stare at each other for a moment. Then they start kissing and ripping each other’s clothes off.


HOTEL LOUNGE

Rafe: Where’s EJ?
Sami [hanging up her cell phone]: How should I know? I guess he’s in his conference. What about you?
Rafe: We’re on a break.
Sami: I wish we were back together again.
Rafe: No, I mean a break in the conference. They’re having a 10 minute bio break.
Sami: Oh.
Rafe: You look upset. Who were you trying to call?
Sami: The speaker at the parenting breakout session gave us an assignment today.
Rafe: What kind of assignment?
Sami: I’m supposed to call my kids at least once a day while I’m away from home.
Rafe: Sounds simple.
Sami: You’d think. But I can’t get hold of anybody.
Rafe: I’m sure everything is fine. They’re with Caroline, right?
Sami: If the kids were with anyone but my grandmother, I’d worry about them. But at least I know they’re safe and being well cared for.


To be continued. Tune in for the finale...

[Kpatch]

THE BRADY PUB

Ciara: I need the magenta crayon, Allie.
Allie: It’s mine.
Ciara: Is not. It’s my great grandma’s. It’s for all of us to use.
Theo: Ciara’s right. Didn’t your mom teach you about sharing?
Allie: No.
Johnny: No.
Sydney: No.

There is a noise at the front door and voices are heard outside.
Ciara: What was that???
Johnny: Shhh.
Voice #1: That’s funny. Ma doesn’t usually lock the door.
Voice #2: The Pub isn’t usually closed for business this early.
Voice #3: I hope everything’s okay.
Voice #2: Stand back. I’m going to shoot the lock off.
Voice #1: No need, Abe. Ma gave me a spare key.
The door opens.

Ciara: Daddy!
Theo: Daddy!
Sydney: Sami!

Sami, Bo, and Abe greet their children.
Bo: How’s my little angel?
Ciara: Just fine!
Sami: Where’s grandma Caroline?
Allie: I don’t know.
Ciara: She’s with Aunt Kimberly.
Bo: She’s on the phone with Aunt Kimberly?
Sami [picking Sydney up]: Whew, someone needs a diaper change. We’d better get you home.
Bo [loudly]: Hey Ma, we’re baaaaack.
Sami [loudly]: We’re picking up the kids.
Abe [loudly]: Thanks for babysitting, Caroline.
Bo [loudly]: I’ll call you tomorrow, Ma.
Sami: Ready to go, kids? Come on.
Abe: Come on, Theo. Let’s go see Mommy.
Bo: Let’s go home, little one.


The End

[fluffysmom]

Cute story. Ciara you are a naughty girl...but at least you have great taste!