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Post by Kpatch on Feb 5, 2011 21:45:37 GMT -5
Chapter 1
THE HORTON RESIDENCE
Molly: I came as fast as I could, Mrs. H. You sounded frantic on the phone. What’s wrong?
Alice: They’re missing!
Molly: What are?
Alice: The ornaments! I went to the attic to get the box of ornaments and they’re gone!
Molly: You climb up there all by yourself?
Alice: Of course! I’ve been doing it for 70 years.
Molly: Why don’t you call one of your grandchildren to do it?
Alice: If I waited for one of my grandchildren to do it, it would never get done.
Molly: I thought you loved your grandchildren.
Alice: I adore them. Every one of them. That doesn’t mean I’m blind to their faults. Oh for heavens sake child, stop getting me off topic. The ornaments are missing!
Molly: That’s not a problem, Mrs. H. I’ve got my car. We can just drive over to SMallMart and pick up some new ornaments.
Alice: Molly dear, you don’t understand. These ornaments are special. They’re hand-made. Some of them are antiques.
Molly: Hand-made? By who?
Alice: Whom. Mostly by me. It was a tradition started by my mother-in-law. She made Tom’s ornament, mine, and our children’s. I made the rest of them. Now do you understand why I’m so concerned about the ornaments being gone?
Molly: I do! They’re irreplaceable. We just HAVE to find them!
Alice: Exactly.
Molly: Do you have any idea what might have happened to them?
Alice: Well I know I didn’t misplace them.
Molly: That could only mean one thing.
Alice and Molly in unison: They were stolen!
To be continued…
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Copyright ©2009 kpatch. All rights reserved.
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Post by Kpatch on Feb 5, 2011 21:46:29 GMT -5
HORTON RESIDENCE
Alice: Now do you understand why I’m so concerned about the ornaments being gone?
Molly: I do! They’re irreplaceable. We just HAVE to find them!
Alice: Exactly.
Molly: Do you have any idea what might have happened to them?
Alice: Well I know I didn’t misplace them.
Molly: That could only mean one thing.
Alice and Molly in unison: They were stolen!
Molly: Who could have done such a dastardly thing?
Alice: It could only be someone who is heartless and callous.
Molly: EJ???
Alice: Why would HE care about the Horton ornaments?
Molly: Maybe he’s jealous because no one wants to be part of his family.
Alice: Perhaps. But I don’t see him going to the trouble of stealing our ornaments.
Molly: I think we may need to call in the professionals.
Alice: A doctor?
Molly: No.
Alice: A lawyer?
Molly: No.
Alice: I’m proud to say that I have two sons who are doctors and one son who is a lawyer.
Molly: No, I mean a detective. Like Bo.
Alice: Of course. Bo!
Molly: Why don’t you call him. Here.
Alice: What’s this?
Molly: My cell phone.
Alice: Cell phone??? Is that something that Salemites use when they’re in jail?
Molly: No. It’s a wireless device.
Alice: Oh, like my cordless phone.
Molly: It’s more like an Xtreme cordless. I’ll dial Bo for you. [She hands the phone to Alice.]
Alice: Bo dear? It’s Alice Horton. Fine, fine. How are my darling Hope and Ciara? Good good. And Shawn, Belle, and Claire? That’s wonderful. And how is your darling mother? Do give her my love. And your sisters? How are they?
To be continued …
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Post by Kpatch on Feb 5, 2011 21:47:13 GMT -5
THE HORTON RESIDENCE
[Bo and Roman arrive.]
Bo: Hey Mrs. H.
Alice: Bo, darling. Roman, dear. Can I make you some tea? I have some fresh donuts in the kitchen.
Roman: I’d love some donuts!
Alice: Help yourself, dear.
Bo: So your ornaments are missing?
Alice: I hope you didn’t say anything to Hope. She would be devastated.
Bo: You asked me not to say anything and I promised I wouldn’t.
Alice: Thank you my darling.
Bo: When was the last time you saw the ornaments?
Alice: Last January. When I packed them away.
Roman: Whmpfhph.
Alice: Roman, I’m surprised at you. Didn’t Caroline teach you not to talk with your mouth full?
Roman: Sorry Mrs. Horton. These donuts are gooo-ood.
Alice: There’s more. Eat all you like.
Roman: Thanks. Did you pack away the ornaments yourself, or did someone help?
Alice: Help? Ha. No. I did it myself.
Bo: Is there anyone you can think of who might want to steal the ornaments?
Roman: Just a minute, little brother. Let’s make a list of suspects. Did you bring the “white board”?
Bo: The white board?!? You gotta be kidding me. Get a grip, Roman.
Roman: Okay, nevermind the white board.
Bo: Mrs. H, is there anyone you can think of who might want to steal the ornaments?
Roman: Maybe someone who’s jealous of the Hortons and their heartwarming Christmas tradition?
Alice: I think everyone is jealous of us. But most people have been married to a Horton at one time or another. So most everyone in Salem has their own handmade ball.
Roman: That’s funny. My ball says “Made in China.”
Alice: That’s because I own a factory in Beijing filled with Chinamen who I pay 25 cents a day to make the ornaments for me.
Roman: What da ...?
Alice: I’m teasing you Roman. Of course I make them by hand. The reason your ball says Made in China is because it’s not authentic. Just like you. You’re not a Horton and as far as I know, you were never married to a Horton.
Roman: Oh, you’re right! I forgot. Will bought me the ornament and wrote my name on it using glue and some glitter.
Alice: Copycat. I mean, how sweet of him.
Roman: After he found out he was a Horton, he wanted his whole family to know the joy of being a Horton.
Bo: Remember the day he had glitter all over himself? You were starting to worry about his sexuality.
Roman: Let’s not go there.
Alice: Can we get back to the case, please? Can you find my ornaments?
To be continued...
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Post by Kpatch on Feb 5, 2011 21:49:06 GMT -5
THE HORTON RESIDENCE Bo: Is there anyone you know of who might be trying to pull a fast one on you, Mrs. H? Alice: A fast one? Bo: Yeah, like a prank. Alice: Well, there is someone who delights in being a practical jokester. My granddaughter’s husband. Roman: Who? Bo? Bo: No, not me. Roman: Doug Williams? Bo: She’s talking about Jack Deveraux. Alice: That’s right. Jack. Roman: When was the last time you saw him? Alice: Over Labor Day. At Bo and Hope’s backyard barbecue. Bo: Hmmm. What do you say, bro? You up to a trip across The Pond to see ole Jack? Roman: If it’s on the City’s nickel, sure, let’s go. SALEM SPECTATOR, LONDON BUREAU Jack: Well well well. What are you Yankees doing here? Bo: We’ve got a couple questions for you, Jack. Jack: I’m usually the one who conducts the interviews. Roman: Where were you on the night of ... um ... where were you … um ... Help me out Bo. Bo: Let’s cut to the chase. Did you take Mrs. H’s Christmas ornaments? Jack: Say what??? Roman: They’re missing. Jack: The ornaments are missing? Stop the presses! This is front-page news! Roman: And we have reason to suspect you took them. Jack: Me?  No no no. No way I would ever touch those. In fact, I’m not allowed to even handle them. Jennifer is the only one who can touch the balls. She knows how clumsy I am and she’d rather break my balls than let ME break them. Roman: Looks like we made a trip for nothing. Bo: Long as we’re here, how about going to the Pub across the street and raising a pint. Roman: I like da sound of dat, little brother. Jack: Wait up. I’ll join you. To be continued... |
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Post by Kpatch on Feb 5, 2011 21:50:18 GMT -5
THE HORTON RESIDENCE
Molly: What did Bo find out?
Alice: They have a lead.
Molly: Excellent!
Alice: In London.
Molly: Wow. That’s like Sherlock Holmes stuff. Wait a second. London? Don’t tell me they suspect Jack Deveraux!
Alice: They don’t really suspect him. They just wanted a little vacation.
Molly: Oh good. I found out something too.
Alice: Did you? Tell me, dear.
Molly [powering up her laptop]: Check this out. It’s ebay.
Alice: What bay?
Molly: ebay.
Alice: Is that a tributary to the Salem River?
Molly: Ha! No, it’s an Internet auction site. Look at what happens when I search for “Horton Christmas ornaments.”
Alice [gasping]: Julie and Doug’s balls! Addie! Tom! Mine! Mickey, Bill, David, Scotty, Marie, Tommy, Mike, Jennifer, Lucas, Jessica, Melissa....
[Please click here to watch the video: ]
Tune in for the finale and find out the name of the grinch who stole the Horton Christmas ornaments ...
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Post by Kpatch on Feb 5, 2011 21:51:47 GMT -5
THE HORTON RESIDENCE
Alice: Did someone steal my ornaments and then sell them on ebay?
Molly: Looks like they’re trying.
Alice: How much do they want?
Molly: $100 a piece!
Alice: I wouldn’t take a penny under $150! Who is this person who’s selling my ornaments?
Molly: They go by the name of DaysGrinch. Let me see if I can figure out who owns this account...
************************************************** *****
Every actor
Who worked in DOOL-ville
Liked Salem a lot...
But the Grinch,
Who lived just north of DOOL-ville,
Did NOT!
The Grinch hated actors! The whole DOOL cast!
Sometimes it seemed he hoped the show wouldn’t last.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his budget was two sizes too small.
But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or his shoes,
He stood outside his office, hating the Actors,
Staring down from on high with a sour, Grinchy frown
The Executive Producer despised the whole town.
For he knew every actor down in the DOOL-ville he trounced
was busy now, cashing their paychecks before they could bounce.
For, this week, he knew
All the cast and the crew
Would do something
He liked least of all!
Every Actor down in DOOL-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, and hang their Christmas ball.
But wait! But wait! The balls could fetch major coin.
So much so “I could rehire Deidre Hall.”
They’re antique. They’re sentimental. So ebay he did join.
************************************************** ******
Molly: Unfrickingbelievable!
Alice: What is it, dear?
Molly: Dorkay. The Executive Producer. Dorkay is the Days Grinch!
Alice: He stole my ornaments???
Molly: You betcha.
Alice: And he sold them???
Molly: Have no fear, Mrs. H. I’ll take care of it. I’ll get you back your ornaments.
And she did. And she did.
Molly left and returned. A severe scolding and then some. Dorkay got what he deserved.
Now the balls were back right where they belonged.
In plenty of time for Christmas and the ceremonial hanging of the balls by the whole Horton throng.
Alice: Are they all here? All of them?
Molly: Yes. I got back every one.
Alice: Bless you, my child. And to all those we love, near and far, may the blessings of Christmas be with you now and all the days of our lives.
The End!
Happy holidays and a healthy, joyful new year to one and all!
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Post by ghoulgirl on Mar 4, 2011 0:48:37 GMT -5
jkjpatch this was GREAT! I loved it.
You are such a clever and fun writer. I love to read your stories! Thank you so much for sharing them with us!
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Post by melly on Mar 8, 2011 22:59:08 GMT -5
Bahahahaha! LOVE the glitter comment...so nice to see Alice again! Thanks, kjkpatch!
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Post by fluffysmom on Apr 27, 2011 22:06:13 GMT -5
It's great to read a story featuring Alice. Your glitter comment may be coming true soon! Very cute story.
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No no no. No way I would ever touch those. In fact, I’m not allowed to even handle them. Jennifer is the only one who can touch the balls. She knows how clumsy I am and she’d rather break my balls than let ME break them. 
