Chapter Six
Kim was just putting Jeannie down for her afternoon nap at her parents' house when Stephanie began to cry. That set Jeannie off. Kim's daughter let loose a deafening wail, adding to the cacophony.
"Well, neither of you is lacking in the lungs department," Kim muttered, as she picked up Jeannie and tried to calm her. She was trying to figure out how to handle both babies, but Kayla walked into the room and saved her the trouble.
"I'll get Stephanie." Kayla walked over and lifted her daughter out of the crib.
"Thanks," Kim said. "I was wondering if I was going to have to take up baby juggling."
Kayla laughed, and Kim smiled. It was such a change from the tension that had dominated their relationship over the past few months. Certainly, there was good reason for it. Kim still was not comfortable with Kayla's relationship with Shane; he was her ex-husband for goodness sake and the father of her son. Kayla should have known he was off-limits.
As for Shane, Kim figured the relationship was fueled largely by a desire to avoid the emotional upheaval he had experienced during their years together. Shane had to know Kayla could never love him the way she had loved Steve. Yet for Shane, that was probably an attraction. He had always avoided attachments and suppressed his emotions, building walls to keep anyone from getting close to him. With Kayla, he could profess his love, but would never have to open his heart to her -- not the way he had opened it to Kim.
Kim really did want to hate him, but she couldn't. He was a good man, responsible, and a loving father to his children. As for the divorce, she bore as much fault as Shane for the collapse of their marriage. She had lied to him about Jeannie, and he had responded by pushing her away. Then she had walked out and filed for divorce. That had been nearly a year ago. She couldn't expect Shane to spend the rest of his life pining for her. She had to have expected he would move on. She just never expected it would be with her sister.
But if the choice was losing her sister and best friend or accepting Kayla and Shane's relationship, Kim had to choose the latter. As hard as it was for her to watch, she had to admit that Kayla and Shane did seem to care about each other.
She glanced at Kayla, who had managed to silence Stephanie by bouncing her up and down. The baby was now smiling gleefully. Kayla, however, was not smiling. She looked tired and tense.
"How are things going at the lab?" Kim asked. She had managed to get Jeannie silent once more.
"Same stuff, different day." Kayla's tone matched her frustrated words. "We can't get permission from the FDA to test anything, and we're running out of time."
Kim knew what Kayla meant. Bo. He had the virus and had to be getting sicker by the day, but they did not even know where he was.
"I wish Shane were here. He'd have some idea about where to search." Kayla spoke and then froze. "I'm sorry, Kim. I wasn't thinking."
"No, it's okay. We can't exactly pretend that Shane Donovan doesn't exist, can we?"
"No, I guess not," Kayla said as she looked down at Stephanie. Her expression had changed from frustration to concern. Kim figured she knew why.
"No word from him since he left?" That had been three days earlier.
Kayla shook her head and laid Stephanie back in her crib. "No. Not a word. I guess that's how it goes."
"Sometimes," Kim said, commiserating. She had spent enough time as an ISA wife to remember the lonely nights and the worrying.
Where was he? Was he safe? Was he even alive?Kayla placed her hands on the side of the crib. "I know being in the ISA is dangerous. I just thought I could handle it, even after what happened to Steve." She shook her head. "How did you get used to it?"
"The danger?" Kim asked and Kayla nodded. Kim thought for a moment before answering. "The honest answer? I didn't. You can't get used to it. You just have to be positive and pray for the best. And try not to let him think you're worried, because that will only make it harder for him when he's gone."
"I guess that's the best you can do," Kayla said. "That's what I told myself, except when Shane left. . . . He seemed so strange, so distant."
Kim remembered watching Shane with Andrew that morning. She had seen him say goodbye before leaving on other missions, but there was something in his eyes that had been different this time. "You picked up on that too?"
"So it wasn't just with me?" Kayla looked at Kim expectantly.
"I guess not," Kim said slowly. She could not actually describe what she had seen. It wasn't worry or fear. The only time she had ever seen him openly show those emotions were when the children were in danger, times like when Andrew was kidnapped and when Eve ran away. There had been something hesitant, almost reluctant about the way he acted, like he really did not want to leave. However, Shane had been reluctant to leave on missions in the past.
This time had been different.
Kayla sighed and turned toward the door. "Maybe we just imagined things. It had to be different this time, considering how much everything's changed."
Kim nodded as she lowered Jeannie back into the crib. "Maybe." She turned and followed Kayla back to the living room.
As she did, it hit her. That look on Shane's face. She
had seen it before. On Stefano's island, when Shane had confessed about what he had done and, later, at the family Christmas party. The situation with her family had been so awkward during that time and Shane, who was usually so confident and so sure of himself, had seemed lost, uncertain about himself and what would happen. That same look of uncertainty had been on Shane's face as he said goodbye to their son.
Kim shivered. Worry and fear would have been better. Those were probably common on ISA missions, but they would come from Shane knowing the dangers he faced. Uncertainty was worse. Not knowing the dangers and possibly doubting himself. Those were things Shane could not afford to feel. Uncertainty could be deadly.
