A/N - I am back for my second update of the day. I am scaring myself with this frequency. I am so much slower than this normally. I guess I shouldn't question it, just enjoy it while it lasts.
Thanks again for all the comments. I am glad you enjoyed Melanie's little fairytale for Parker. I had fun envisioning his little world.
MrsM - What questions do you have? I have been known to throw out a few hints.
So...people in other circles I frequent know me as the ANGST WHORE. (Lovely huh? LOL) But I guess the name fits. I love to be tormented emotionally by a story. So in honor of my love of torment - I am breaking what was supposed to be the final piece of this chapter into two parts. Angst is best served in courses.
As always excuse the typos - I am writing faster than my Beta can keep up at this point.
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Chapter 3 pt 4“Is he sleeping?” asked Maggie watching Melanie walk down the stairs, with the baby monitor and dirty bottle in her hands.
“Yeah I just put him down,” said Melanie as she joined Maggie on the couch, putting the items on the coffee table in front of her. “I still think we need to go back to using the video monitor.”
“We were getting a bit obsessed with it I think. We would spend all our time just watching him sleep.”
“I know but I worry. What if an intruder gets in or something?”
“Well the intruder would have to walk right by us to get up the stairs. Unless he is scaling the side of the house like a superhero.”
“Stranger things have happened.” Melanie shrugged skeptically. “Did Victor make it home okay? He seemed kind of upset.”
“Yes. Henderson made him some tea. He complained the whole time, but I got him to drink it.”
“You’re so good with him. It’s cute.”
Maggie and Victor had been spending an increased amount of time together the past year. Always quickly explaining their camaraderie as being the cordiality of inlaws. No one believed them, of course, they just all played along allowing them to exist in their bubble of denial.
“I think we have come to an understanding.”
“Philip always said one of the best things about us getting married, besides the obvious of course, was that Victor got to have you in his life.”
“What a sweet thing for him to say.”
“You know Philip thinks the world of you,” Melanie said smiling fondly.
“And I feel the same way about him. I feel so blessed that I had you both with me here in this house.”
“I bet you didn’t count on a baby though.”
“No, wasn’t expecting a baby in the house again, but it truly has been lovely,” said Maggie folding her hands in her lap.
“He is such a little angel.”
“Yes he is Melanie. I’m sure Chloe misses him terribly.”
“I was wondering when you were going to bring her up.” Melanie squirmed uneasily in her seat.
“I think we need to talk about what happened today,” stated Maggie in a more serious tone.
“Maggie, I know I disappointed you, but I had to do what I thought was right. I owed it to Parker and to Philip.”
Melanie hated that she and Maggie weren’t in agreement on this matter. She didn’t want Maggie to think she was a bad person.
“I’m just concerned that you may be confusing what you want to be right with what is truly right.”
“Chloe can’t be allowed to hurt Parker again,” insisted Melanie.
“She’s getting treatment. She has to be given another chance. She’s his mother Melanie.”
“Just because she’s his mother doesn’t mean she can’t do real damage. How can you sit there and try and convince me I’m wrong about this? You know all the things that Chloe has done to Parker.”
“She had PPD. It wasn’t her fault. Women can recover from this condition. You’re a nurse. You know this.”
“The PPD may go away, but what about the other stuff?”
“What other stuff?”
“Never mind.” She hated keeping things from Maggie, but some things were better left unsaid.
“Tell me Melanie,” pressed Maggie.
“Maggie I really think I said too much. It doesn’t matter anyway, you obviously have made up your mind. You think I can’t take care of Parker. Don’t you think I am doing a good job with him?”
“You’re great with him. You’ll be a wonderful mother someday, sweetheart. But Parker isn’t yours.” A knot formed in her chest at Maggie’s words. She loved Parker just as much as Chloe that had to count for something.
“He just might be after today.”
“Why are you being like this? This is not you Melanie. Where’s your compassion?”
“I have tons of compassion, for Parker.”
“What about for his mother?”
Truthfully, Melanie didn’t care all that much about Chloe. She tried not to even think about her. Except when it came to Parker. She would smile and pretend, make up stories about a beautiful princess, because no child deserved to live with the truth that their mother was a tad unhinged. If Melanie had her way, Chloe Lane would be out of her life for good. Every time she saw her face, she pictured her wrapped around her husband. It didn’t matter that Chloe technically had him first. He loved her since high school, probably for years after. It was Melanie that Philip made vows to, giving her his heart and his name. One look at Chloe and she was reminded how it was all taken away. But for Parker, Melanie swallowed her resentment and tried to find some good in Chloe.
“Do you know I don’t remember my mother? The woman I thought was my mother. Trent always told me she died when I was a baby, I’m not even sure if she ever existed. I’ve never seen a picture and I have no memory of her.”
“That’s very sad,” said Maggie gently.
“As far as I know there are no pictures of me under the age of six. I guess Trent never bothered to take any until he needed them. You see sometimes the men needed a visual aid before they accepted their payment.”
“You were six?” she asked, a look of horror crossing her face.
“He made me wear this red fluffy dress. It had all these ruffles, white tights, black shoes,” Melanie continued unable to meet Maggie’s eyes. “My hair was all in Shirley Temple curls. You see this particular man had a thing for little orphan Annie. We went to this fancy hotel. Trent said we were going for cake and ice cream. Instead we ended up in a hotel suite with this balding man in glasses. He wanted me to sit on his lap or something. I remember being so scared that I ran and hid under a couch the whole time. It took them hours to coax me out.”
“Oh Melanie.” Maggie held her close, tears shining in her eyes. Melanie sat stiffly in her arms as the terrible memories flooded in.
“Trent was furious after that stunt. He made sure I learned my lesson after that. Only time he had to resort to violence. I’m a quick learner. No more hiding.” She got up and walked to the window, picking at the beaded tieback on the curtain. “The first time he left me alone with one of them I was ten. After the man was done, he locked me in the apartment in the dark, to wait for Trent to come back. I was scared of the dark. I pounded on the door and screamed for help, but no one would hear me. I screamed for so long, I lost my voice.”
Melanie had never told anyone that story before, not even Philip, and Philip knew pretty much everything about her past. She couldn’t bear him knowing that her first time was so young. He would really see how unworthy she was of him, and he never would have loved her.
She preferred to imagine that night with Philip as her first time. The way he looked at her in the park, the things he said, the feel of his lips as he kissed her gently, the warm summer breeze tickling her skin. He had made her feel so wanted and so very cherished, as if she were the only woman in the world he wanted to be with.
The motel was skeevy and the sheets were rough, but Melanie still could remember how his eyes looked in the shadows of moonlight that slipped through the curtains. It was the first time Melanie had ever kept her eyes open during sex. At first she was just checking if he were real, if it indeed was truly happening, that she, Melanie Layton was actually spending the night with Philip Kiriakis.
As he kissed and caressed, her body warmed by some fire within, she opened her eyes to watch him, to memorize what it felt like to be touched by someone that knew more than her name, by someone who actually cared. Melanie finally came to understand the term “making love” that night. As he kissed every inch of her, and held her so tightly at times she felt like they were one being, she wrapped herself in him, relishing his scent, his taste, his touch, never wanting him to let her go. Always wanting to feel that safe.
Even after things came to a messy end the very next day, her heart shattered, her wishes left ungranted, Melanie still knew that one part of her would never change.
She would always love this man.
“Melanie that’s awful. Trent had no right to do that to you. He was a monster. But Chloe would never hurt Parker in that way.”
She unfolded herself from the past and wiped at the tears falling down her cheeks.
“She already left him alone in the dark once.” How long did Parker have to scream until someone heard him?
“Oh sweetheart, it’s not the same. I promise you that nothing will happen to Parker, we won’t let it.”
“You just want me to get over it. As if it were no big deal, like she forgot to pick him up from daycare or something. I promised Philip I would take care of his son. I already let him down so much. I can’t risk anything else,” she said turning toward Maggie.
“I don’t like to see you hurting yourself like this Melanie. Hoping for things that can never be. I think it’s time you let go and move on.”
“You want me to turn my back on Parker?”
She couldn’t believe how everyone seemed to believe it would be such a simple thing, just to walk away. Parker had quickly become a huge part of her life, just like his father.
“I will be happy to take on more with him, so that you can get on with your life. Wouldn’t it be nice to go to school full time? Or to travel?”
“Nathan said something similar to me the other day.”
“He’s worried about you. As am I. And Brady and your father.”
“You’ve all be talking about me behind my back?” Her face reddened in embarrassment at the thought of all the secret meetings her so called loved ones must have had about her. She knew they doubted her, but she had never realized it was to such a great extent.
“It’s been nine months. It’s like you’ve kept everything the same and now you’re being the perfect stepmom to Parker. It feels like you are sitting around expecting him to walk through the door at any moment.”
“It could happen. He promised me he would come back,” she said softly.
“Oh Melanie! You can’t keep on like this. It’s not healthy.” Maggie rose to her feet in distress.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re so young. You haven’t even begun to explore all the possibilities life has to offer. Before the accident you were leaving Philip, planning a new life, but you haven’t let yourself do any of those things. Nathan told me about Baltimore.”
“I can’t go to Baltimore.” As if running away would ever set her free.
“You could if you just let go.”
“I made promises.”
“Melanie can you please be honest with me?”
“I am being honest.”
“Look at me,” she said grabbing Melanie by the arms and turning her around. “Why can’t you go to Baltimore? Why can’t you move on?”
“I don’t want to talk about this. I have to go to class,” said Melanie as she tried to struggle from Maggie’s grasp.
“Tell me Melanie.” Maggie pleaded, still holding Melanie firmly by the arms.
“Nathan and I are not gonna work,” she said looking at the floor, trying to hide her tears from Maggie.
She pushed past Maggie, escaping toward the stairs, her vision blurred with tears. Not looking where she was going she bumped into the end table, causing a picture frame to fall to the floor. Face up, covered in shattered glass, was Philip’s smile. It was their wedding photo. She had broken the frame before, in a fit of anger over his infidelity. She had chucked the thing clear across the room, nicking the paint on the wall before it hit the hardwood floor in pieces. The frame had been replaced, the picture restored to its place on the end table. All the pictures had.
“Just say it Melanie,” said Maggie from across the room.
She stared down at the broken frame, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. “I still love Philip,” she finally said her words choked with tears.
Maggie came up behind her and took her in her arms.
“I love him so much Maggie, that it hurts,” she said holding tightly to Maggie as she cried. “I’ve done everything to make it right. Graduated, kept all our plans, all the hospital stuff, took care of Parker. Why isn’t it enough? Why won’t he come back Maggie? I’ve tried everything.”
“I know sweetheart,” said Maggie as she wiped the tears from Melanie’s face with her hand.
“He promised we would never be over.”
She eyed the shattered picture on the floor over Maggie’s shoulder. Philip’s face frozen, trapped behind shards of glass. It didn’t seem possible that this could be the only way she would ever see him smile again.
“I know. Let it out.”
“He said he would never leave” she squeezed her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop. “I miss him so much.”
“Just let it all out,” soothed Maggie.
As Maggie stroked her hair and held her close, she finally did.
