A/N: Thanks for the well wishes. I am feeling better. ODing on cranberry juice.
Ok so we are at part one of Chapter 5. These next few chapters are pretty important to me. I hope you will enjoy what is in store. Thank you for reading and all of your kind comments,
I will be posting in the discussion thread after the update, because I want to share a few things about this one.
myhourglass.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=authorsficchat&thread=2776&page=6#74527Please excuse the typos..I was out of it while editing this.
Thanks to all my sounding boards, you guys are so helpful. And thanks to Zippy for helping me stay true and honest.
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Chapter 5 pt 1 - February 2011It had been hours she’d been like this, cuddled next to him in bed, their heads sharing one pillow, with only a small lamp illuminating the room. Someone had turned off the television, probably Maxine, she always said that every mind needs moments of peace, constant stimulation wasn’t good for anyone. Melanie of course disagreed, wanting Philip to always be surrounded by the sights and sounds of life, and more importantly she didn’t want him to be alone. With Marcel fired, there had been no one to stay the night with Philip. The nights were always the worst. Dark and shadowy, dangers swift and sudden, starlight offered no protection from the perils of the night.
Melanie had stepped away for just a little while, maybe an hour, to go see Chloe, and look what happened. The night encroached and fed on Philip, mocking Melanie for even leaving him alone and vulnerable. Not that she truly believed if she had been in the room, that Philip wouldn’t have gotten sick. Infection is the persistent enemy of the bed ridden, but she couldn’t help but feel that if her focus has been on Philip and not Chloe things might have been different. Maybe she would have noticed the signs sooner, and the germs wouldn’t have seized his body so quickly.
Less than twelve hours and Philip’s organs were already starting to shut down. His body was too weak to fight the assault and function normally. Sepsis. The word his doctors were bandying about in hushed tones. Melanie was a nurse, she didn’t need to strain to hear their discussion. She knew what was happening to her husband. Something she had fought vigorously to prevent. Philip was constantly rotated to prevent bedsores, his muscles were worked out at periodic intervals to prevent atrophy. He was meticulously groomed and cleaned to prevent any bacteria from taking hold. Yet one had, somehow, despite all of their efforts.
She kissed Philip’s forehead, as she moved closer to him, her arms wrapped around his upper body. He was still so warm. “Stay with me baby,” she whispered her eyes heavy with fatigue.
Sleep would be impossible however, it always was. Her body relaxed and her mind was transported, to that night, and to Philip, lying motionless on the ground, bloody. She couldn’t manage to sleep without seeing those images. In her dreams he never moved, he never made it to the hospital, he was dead. At least when she was awake, she knew that it wasn’t true, that Philip was still here with her. It wasn’t that she never slept. She managed to grab moments here and there, when her body forced itself to shut down, but she never felt rested when she awoke. There was never any peace since that night. Except for when she was with him. In his bed, feeling him beside her, the rhythm of his breathing, holding him close, she managed to relax and to even sleep sometimes.
Philip shifted beside her, his slow movements jarring Melanie from her thoughts. He had brought his arm up over his chest, resting it on top of her own. It almost felt like an embrace. The last time they had been in bed like this, before the accident, was the night she found out he had slept with Chloe. They had a special night planned, dinner and dancing at Chez Rouge, followed by a surprise that Philip had planned for her.
He came out of the bathroom in black dress slacks, his pale blue shirt unbuttoned, his hair falling in his face, damp from the shower. She had just finished her hair, the curls cascading down her back. She was slipping into her short black dress when he stepped beside her.
“We’re going to be late. What took you so long in there?” Melanie asked as she slid her arm into her sleeveless dress.
“It takes time to perfect this look,” he said his eyes crinkling as he smiled.
“Yeah right. I swear you take longer in the bathroom than most women.” She ran her fingers through his damp hair affectionately before tugging him closer by his open shirt and placing a quick kiss on his lips.
“Who cares if we’re late? I rented out the private room at Chez Rouge. We can arrive any time we want.”
“I know but I want to hurry up and get to my surprise. Help me with my zipper.”
“Yes my love,” he moved her red hair aside, and planted a feather soft kiss on her shoulder, before focusing on her zipper.
When his motions stilled, Melanie twisted to look at him. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re wearing the blue.”
“You like?” she asked suggestively.
She felt Philip run his hands across her bare back, his thumbs following the column of her spine, stopping just beneath the clasp of her teal blue bra. “You know it’s my favorite.”
“You can enjoy imagining it under my dress all night. Now zip me up so we can go.”
“I never had much of an imagination,” he said turning her around and sweeping her up into his arms. “I’m going to enjoy you in this right now.”
“What about our reservations?”
“If you really wanted to eat, you should have known better than to wear my favorite lingerie,” he said, his voice laced with desire as he adjusted her in his arms.
“Philip –“ He leaned in and kissed her fully cutting off her words as he carried her over to their bed.She wiped the tears from her eyes. It was the last time they were truly happy together. Life had changed dramatically after that. She never did get that surprise.
“I promise we will have that again. Just come back to me.” She planted kisses on his cheek, and along his jawline hoping this time he would stir, that he would respond to the feel of her lips against him.
“Hey Melanie,” said Daniel Jonas as he entered the room.
“Hi dad.” She abruptly sat up, attempting to change from the intimate position she was just in, praying her father hadn’t heard any of what she had said. She hadn’t been expecting any visitors.
Daniel walked over and pulled the chart from the foot of the bed. “How’s he doing?”
“Doesn’t seem to be any improvement yet.” Philip looked flushed, completely covered under sheets and a homemade quilt that Maggie had made decades ago.
“In about an hour we’ll start him on dialysis. We still need to keep an eye on his lungs though.”
Melanie ran her hand over the blues and greens of the quilt, liking the softness of the cotton fabric on her skin. “He’s going to pull through this.”
“Sweetheart we can put a little cot in here for you. You don’t have to squeeze into that bed,” said Daniel as he sat in the chair beside the bed.
“I like being close to him.”
“Melanie –“
She cut him off before he could continue. “Can we not do this again? I know you don’t like me being Philip’s primary care nurse. You think I’m too close to be objective.”
“Yep I do.”
“And you’re right. I’m not objective, but I can handle it.”
“I’m not convinced you can. You look so tired. I’m worried about you.”
Melanie reached over and grabbed her father’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t be.”
“Let’s do this,” said Daniel sitting up straighter in the chair. “You go home and sleep in your own bed for just a few hours and I’ll stay here with Philip.”
“I’m not leaving him dad.”
“You’ve got to get some sleep. You’re going to make yourself sick. Just a little rest. How about in the on call room?”
“Stop worrying about me. I’m fine.” She absently stroked Philip’s hair, letting the silky spikes run through her fingers. She had been keeping his hair short for the past few months, after letting it grow past his shoulders. It was just getting too hard to manage at that length. So she buzzed it off herself, not quite salon quality but Melanie thought she had done a pretty good job.
“Melanie this is too much. It has been months. You spend almost all your time here and when you’re not here you’re taking care of a baby. How much longer are you going to go on like this?”
“For as long as it takes for Philip to come back to me.” She kissed Philip on the forehead before she climbed out of the bed and walked over to the window, opening the blinds. The sun had come up.
“What if –“ Daniel started.
“Don’t say it. I don’t want talk like that in front of him.”
“What if it takes years?” he asked lowering his voice. “Would you really spend your whole life taking care of Philip?”
“I would do anything for him. He’s the love of my life.”
It felt good to finally say the words out loud. She had always felt foolish for feeling so strongly for Philip, especially in their early days when he was clearly in love with someone else. But nothing seemed to shake the feelings for Philip from her heart. Not even when she was scared as hell, running to Nathan, because suddenly everything with Philip had become too real. She had never stopped loving him. He had always been everything she had ever wanted, even when she fought like crazy for him not to be.
“You’re so young sweetheart. How do you even know that?” asked Daniel turning to face her in the chair.
“I watched him die that night.” The words caught in her throat as she remembered him on the wet ground, not breathing. So very still. “After that I just knew I didn’t want to spend my life without him.”
“It is just guilt. It’s killing you.”
“What if it were Chloe in here instead? Would you just walk away from her?”
“I don’t want to talk about Chloe.” Daniel got up from his chair and walked over to where Melanie was leaning on the window sill.
“I know you love her and pretend not to anymore. You have to still care about her. You can’t just shut feelings off.”
“Chloe killed anything we had the night she slept with your husband and got pregnant with his baby.”
“So you’re telling me you don’t care at all. If she needed you. You would what? Just turn your back on her?”
“This isn’t about Chloe. This is about my twenty year old daughter holding on to something that may not be real.” Daniel pulled Melanie into his arms and held her close.
“Philip’s coming back to me. I know it,” she said as she hugged him tighter.
“I know it too. My son’s fighting his way back to you, to all of us. He’s no quitter,” said Kate as she walked through the door, her long brown leather coat flapping against the shopping bag in her hand as she moved.
“Kate,” said Daniel curtly, releasing Melanie from his hug.
“Daniel,” said Kate, never looking him in the eyes, instead walking directly over to Philip’s bed and taking a seat in the chair. “Any change?”
“He still has a fever. He’s having some kidney failure so we are going to start dialysis.”
“It’s going to help. Take some pressure off his body so he can fight the infection better,” said Melanie trying to reassure Kate as well as herself.
“How did this even happen?” asked Kate taking Philip’s hand. “I know he has a risk of pneumonia and he has fought that before. But this? It’s like his body is under attack.” She leaned over and ran her hand along Philip’s cheek, watching him closely.
Daniel’s tone turned professional. He smoothed out his scrubs as he walked over to Kate to address her questions. “Philip is relying on tubes for his nourishment and other bodily functions. Even under the most sterile conditions germs can get into the body. We’re thinking maybe his stomach plug could have been an entry point. Although it could have been anything really. He has constant visitors. One of us could have brought something in.”
“So how do we beat this Daniel? Drugs?”
“He’s on antibiotics and we are trying to replenish his fluids intravenously, keep his blood pressure steady. I don’t want to lie to you Kate. We are fighting a major battle here.”
“Good thing Philip was a Marine. He can handle any battle that comes his way,” said Melanie.
“That’s right sweetie. Philip is strong.”
“I’ve got to check on some other patients,” announced Daniel as he turned to leave. “Think about what I said Melanie and please go get a little rest.”
“Bye dad. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Melanie took a seat on the foot of Philip’s bed as she watched Daniel go out of the door. “I thought you were going home Kate.
“I couldn’t stay away. I brought Philip some new pajamas.” Kate pulled them out of the bag and handed them to Melanie.
“Their silk Philip,” said Melanie turning to show him. “Your favorite.”
“You look tired. Still not sleeping?”
Melanie leaned across the end of the bed, her hands rubbing Philip’s leg as she talked. “Here and there.”
“I told you to go get a prescription.”
“I need to be alert for Parker.”
“I’ll take Parker for a night. You take a pill and get some rest.”
She leaned her forehead against Philip’s leg for a moment. She felt him move slightly beneath her. “I’m fine. Seriously.”
“Maggie told me you’re still sleeping on the couch.”
“It’s just easier. Right in the center of things.”
“What about sleeping in one of the other bedrooms. Or you can stay at the mansion or with me.”
“I doubt Stefano wants me as a roommate.”
“He lived with Nicole.”
“Thanks for the offer but I want to stay close to Maggie.”
“When I thought Roman was dead, I couldn’t sleep on his side of the bed for months.” Kate looked down and sighed. “I would pile clothes, books, whatever just to fill the space he left.”
“Must have been hard losing him,” said Melanie quietly. She couldn’t imagine having to endure life without Philip. Having him in the hospital had been hard enough.
“It was. When someone is such a big part of your life sometimes its hard to cope with sudden changes. I think the mind tries to protect itself from pain.”
“I’m not crazy. I just have a lot going on,” said Melanie running her hands through the front of her hair. “That’s why I haven’t been sleeping well. When things slow down I’ll be fine.”
“You mean when Philip wakes up. Philip probably hates you’re doing this to yourself. Don’t you baby?” Kate asked Philip stroking his hair. “He’s burning up.”
Melanie got up and grabbed a cold compress from the bedside table and placed it across Philip’s head. “Hopefully this medicine will kick in soon. We’ve just got to give it time.”
“Good thing I never tried to get rid of you,” said Kate grabbing Melanie’s hand. She released it quickly, running her hands through her hair, looking almost self-conscious for initiating the gesture.
“What?”
“Let’s not play coy. You know how protective I am of my children, especially Philip. I have to keep all the cheap gold digging sluts at bay. They swarm him like flies.”
Melanie returned to her seat at the end of the bed. “I’m not after Philip’s money.”
“I know that now. But I’m sure it’s no surprise to you that I didn’t approve of you for Philip.”
“You faked it pretty well.”
“I actually was hoping you would leave him at that altar,” chuckled Kate as she took off her coat and leaned back in the chair.
Melanie opened and closed her mouth in shock. She couldn’t believe any mother would want to see their child hurt in that way. Even Kate.
“I thought he would be better off. Every woman in his past had left him broken and looking foolish. I wanted to avert disaster.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.” Melanie couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt, knowing she too had been a member of that exclusive club of women who had hurt Philip Kiriakis. She had never wanted to be a person that could break his heart, but she had.
“Believe me, if I had known about all that nonsense with Maggie’s grandson, I would’ve come after you.”
“What I did to Philip was unforgivable.”
“So when I learned about all that business with Chloe. I was sort of relieved. I thought you had done my job for me and extricated yourself from my son’s life. I knew there was no way you would take him back. Of course I would have to deal with Chloe again but I can handle her in my sleep.”
“Your brownie plan was such a raving success,” said Melanie sarcastically.
“Did you know the day of the accident Philip came to see me? He told me you had served him with divorce papers. He was devastated, drinking heavily. He kept going on and on about how love is a lie and that he was doomed to live his life alone. That it was payment for all of his sins.”
“He felt cursed.” Melanie knew the feeling all too well.
“Exactly. I thought we were heading for another Chloe level meltdown. I hadn’t seen him that low since that bitch destroyed his life when he was in high school. You were firmly on my hit list. Because yet again I was forced to help my son pick up the pieces after another unworthy tramp had broken his spirit.”
Melanie watched the tears spill from Kate’s eyes and she couldn’t help but react with tears of her own, imagining Philip in such pain. Even though he had hurt her terribly, she still never could bear to think of him hurting. It had been such a strange condition loving and hating Philip Kiriaks all at once.
“Philip had hurt me. He wasn’t the only one in pain.”
“I didn’t care about you and your petty emotions. My son was a mess,” said Kate bitterness and pain evident in her voice. “So I told him he would find someone better. Someone truly worthy of his love. And that he was better off without you. Then he said something that broke my heart. He said that I didn’t understand that you were the only person that had ever looked at him like he was a good man. Like he was someone special, good enough to give your whole life to, to start a family with. He said every time you looked at him he felt truly loved. Like he was your everything.”
Melanie got up and kissed Philip tenderly, his lips motionless under her own. “My Philip,” she whispered as she looked at him, his face so peaceful despite the war raging within his body.
“When I found out you caused the accident I wanted you dead. Victor literally had to contain me because you were going to be over.”
Melanie sat down next to Philip on the bed, facing Kate, trying to stifle the tears that had started to fall uncontrollably. She drifted back to a conversation she had with Bo that night, before it all went wrong.
“I won’t feel better until he is back here with us.”
“Same here, kiddo. But this is going to work. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. He could’ve already been at the hospital.”
“He’s lost so much blood, Bo.”
“He’s strong. He’s a fighter. No way in hell he’d leave you like this.”
“I don’t want to lose him.”
“You won’t. I promise you that.”
“I need to go tell him something.”
“When he come’s down. They’ve already started.”
“I don’t like this. Make them stop Bo.”
“Melanie it’ll be fine trust – oh my God.”
“Philip!”
“Bring it down! Bring it down!”
“Help him! Philip! Philip!Their words replayed in her head like echoes in a tunnel, hollow and distorted. A horrifying nightmare that she could never shut off, it never stopped. Over and over she relived it. She had done this to him.
“I watched you with Philip those first few days in the hospital. Never leaving his side, so involved in his treatment, standing up for him when the doctors were trying to give up on him,” said Kate as she looked over at Philip, wiping at the tears on her face with a tissue.
“He’s my husband.”
“You impressed me. Still kind of thought it was just guilt so I kept an eye on you.”
Melanie looked down at her feet, unable to meet Kate’s eyes. “So you tolerate me because I’m nursing your son.”
“I tolerate you because you love my son.”
“Always have,” she responded quietly.
“I overheard you in here with him once. It was late and you were sitting in the bed next to him just talking.”
“When was this?”
“A while ago. I heard you tell him you need him to wake up and come back to you. You said you needed him to open his eyes and look at you like he used to. Then what you said next…let’s just say you won me over.”
Melanie closed her eyes, remembering that night. Philip had been comatose for about two months and she was so scared that he wasn’t going to hold on. All the doctors had kept telling her the longer he stayed in the coma the less likely he would ever recover. She couldn’t accept that. She remembered sitting in the dark with him that night, holding his hand, pleading with him to come back to her.
“I told him he needed to open his eyes and look at me again because no one ever looked at me the way he did. That he made me feel so cherished and loved, like I was actually a good person, good enough to be with him. When he looked at me I felt like I was special like I meant everything to him.”
“Thank you for that. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for him, to be loved completely.”
“I just want him back Kate.” They both turned to look at Philip. He remained, motionless except the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. “I’d do anything to make that happen.”
“I know you would sweetie.” She rubbed Melanie’s knee in comfort. “Love that is true will come back to you. Believe that.”
“Is that from a fortune cookie?”
“Something my mother used to say. I’ve never forgotten it.” Kate looked down at her phone. “Looks like I’ve been summoned.”
“Stefano missing you?” asked Melanie with a small smile.
“No. It’s Victor. He wants me at the mansion and you too. Says it is important.”
It wasn’t like Victor to send early morning text messages, or any text messages for that matter. Melanie suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Something was wrong. Fear consumed her as she tried to figure out what it could possibly be.
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