felineflash
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Toujours dans mon coeur, Maman.
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Being
Feb 15, 2012 23:09:27 GMT -5
Post by felineflash on Feb 15, 2012 23:09:27 GMT -5
Chapter 93 - Loss
Philip had just poured himself a drink from the tray he’d brought out onto the terrace when he heard a noise behind him. He peered into the darkness, and Brady emerged. “What are you doing out here? It’s freezing,” Brady remarked.
“Is it?” Philip asked, looking over the rim of his glass, “It’s too stuffy inside, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.”
“Yeah,” Brady sighed as he sat down, “it’s pretty damn close to freezing. You think it’s wise to be sitting out here in the cold when you’re sick?”
“Probably not,” Philip shrugged, suddenly realizing how exhausted Brady seemed. “You OK? What was up with Nicole?” The blood drained from Brady’s face, and he took a ragged breath. “What?” Philip asked forcefully.
“She…lost the baby,” Brady stammered.
Philip stared at him in disbelief for a moment before he uttered a guttural “Damn it! Damn it!” He put his head in his hands and again muttered, “Damn it,” he looked up at Brady, “where is she, at the hospital?”
“No, no, she was released--”
“And you left her alone?”
“Of course not,” Brady countered angrily. “She’s with Chloe. She’s going to stay with Chloe for…I don’t know. Awhile.”
“Oh,” Philip softened. “Good. Chloe will know what to do. What about EJ? Does he know?”
“No,” Brady said slowly, “she didn’t want to tell him over the phone. She wants to wait until he gets back…”
“So he’s on his way, right? I mean, he knows something’s up--”
“No. She wants to wait,” Brady said hesitantly.
“What?” Philip cried. “So you call him, tell him it’s an emergency and he’s got to come home now. He’s not supposed to be back for another week. He needs to be here now.”
“Philip, it’s Nicole’s call, and she doesn’t want to tell him. It’s not up to you, me or Chloe, it’s up to her. There anything non-alcoholic on that tray?”
“Club soda,” Philip answered absent-mindedly, shaking his head. “Damn, Nicole. Damn. You poor thing.”
Brady poured himself a soda and sat back down, “She’s…it’s been a long day. Emotionally draining. She’s devastated. But…she’s with the best person to be with right now. Like you said, Chloe knows what to do,” he rubbed his face, “I was a little…surprised to hear that you broke up with her.”
“I’m sure she told you the whole story,” Philip grumbled.
“Actually, Nicole did. Gossiping helped her…relax a little, get her mind in a better place,” he paused as Philip began coughing and sipped his soda until the fit had passed, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
Philip stared at him for a moment, then said, “What? I thought you’d be thrilled. You can win her back now.”
“Not gonna happen. Aside from screwing up royally, the reality is I’m not the guy for Chloe, and she’s not the woman for me. We found that out the hard way.”
“Right,” Philip snorted. “That great love story was just a figment of everyone’s imagination.”
“No,” Brady answered, “it was real. But it was…too bright, too perfect. We just kept floating on that cloud of perfection and never tried to understand each other as people. We just…kept basking in the glow of that new, amazing love, and never saw the flaws. And then one day that cloud evaporated, and we came crashing down, and all we could see in each other were flaws. We’d never learned to let the relationship grow. The two of you, on the other hand…”
“Are over,” Philip said flatly.
“That’s your fault, and you can fix it,” Brady pointed out.
“You think? You think I can break up, make up, break up, make up with her, and everything will be just fine? I don’t think so. Besides, she’s better off without me,” Philip snapped.
“How so? What’s so bad about you? Aside from the obvious, of course,” Brady chuckled.
Philip glared at him, “You really can’t help yourself, can you? You just love to rag on me about the leg…what the hell is your problem, man?”
“Do…what? What the hell are you talking about, Philip?” A shocked Brady asked.
“You are constantly commenting about my leg. I lost my damn leg, alright? I really don’t need you to remind me day and freaking night, bastard.”
“Woah, back down there, dude. I never said anything about your leg. Where the hell are you getting that from? I was joking with you…remember jokes, Philip? Remember when you had a sense of humor?”
“You’ve been ‘joking’ about the leg ever since you came back,” Philip remarked sullenly.
“No way, man, I have not.”
“Right. In the hospital? What was that?” Philip asked.
“What’d I say?”
“I don’t remember,” Philip snorted.
“Seriously, man, if I said something that made you think that…it was totally unintentional. Like I told you this morning, I’ve got nothing but respect and admiration for you, Philip. And I would never, ever even dream of making light of what you’ve been through. I know what it’s like to have to learn to walk again, I know it’s not easy.”
Philip coughed again, then nodded, “Maybe I misread it,” he admitted quietly. “I’ve been feeling…I don’t know, sometimes…” he shrugged, “never mind.”
“You didn’t answer my question. Why’s Chloe so much better off?”
“Because,” Philip answered defensively.
“Oh, that’s rich. That’s a really good answer. Is that what you tell people as the CEO of Titan? ‘Because’?”
“Because I’m a mess. She’s just better off.”
“Good God! Philip Kiriakis is human! It’s a travesty!” Brady exclaimed sarcastically.
“Shut up.”
“You know what, Philip? You are a mess. But so am I. So is Victor. So is Kate, so is Chloe, so is everyone else in this town, on this planet. Deal with it. But deciding that Chloe’s better off without you? Bad idea. Deciding for her that she’s better off? Even worse. You may be the CEO of Titan, but you’re not the CEO of Chloe,” he finished his soda and stood, “I’m going to bed, it’s been a real nightmare of a day. I’m going to see Nicole in the morning…if you want to come…”
“I…really don’t think I should, yet. I’ll send her a note, and I’ll see her soon. I mean that. It’s just…this…it’s just something I have to…digest. It’s too…with Belle, and the baby, and the choice I had to make…” he broke off.
Brady put a hand on his shoulder, “I understand. I’ll tell her you’re sick, you probably should stay home anyway. Philip,” he said quietly, “she really values your friendship.”
“And I value hers, Brady. I really do,” Philip nodded. “Good night.”
“Night,” Brady nodded as he went into the house.
Chapter 95 - Curve Ball
Chloe led Nicole and Pookie into the hotel room and tipped the bellhop for bringing up Nicole’s bags. “OK, Nicole, sit down. Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?”
“No,” Nicole mumbled. “Or…maybe. I don’t know. I want to take a shower.”
“Well,” Chloe said kindly, “Why don’t you go ahead and take a shower, and I’ll feed Pookie and get us some food. Do you want some soup, maybe?”
“Honestly, I’m not hungry.”
“I know, but you should really eat something, you know? How about some chicken soup?”
Nicole laughed bitterly, “Chicken soup for the soul, huh?”
“It’s food. It’ll help you feel a little better, relax you a little bit. OK? Let me help you with your stuff,” Chloe replied as she dragged Nicole’s bags into the bedroom and they unpacked the necessities. “Call me if you need me for anything, OK?” Chloe told her as she left the room.
Fifteen minutes later Nicole emerged in a fuzzy robe and fuzzy slippers, her hair still damp. She sat down at the tiny table as Chloe laid out the food. “So this is going to make me feel all better, huh?” She asked as she stared at the soup. “Pass the vodka.”
“Nicole,” Chloe said gently, “Try a little. You should eat.”
“I’m sorry, Chloe. I can’t. I just…I can’t.”
“It’s OK. Would you like some tea or something?”
“I told you, vodka. Pass the vodka. Come on, there’s no reason to stay sober anymore,” Nicole snapped.
“And I just don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” Chloe said gently.
“Oh, Chloe,” Nicole sobbed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. You and Brady…I don’t think anyone’s ever been so kind to me in my entire life. And I’m yelling at you, and I don’t mean it…I just…” she breathed deeply as the tears came, “I still feel her. I still feel her…but she’s gone, she’s gone and…” she rose her chin and forced a smile, “alone again. Story of my life.”
“You’re not alone, sweetie. I’m here. You’re not alone,” Chloe came around the table and put her arms around her friend.
“No offense, Chloe, but…it’s not the same. I…I had love, for just a little bit, I had it all. Everything I didn’t even know I wanted! But hey, what comes around goes around, right? I was crazy to think that I deserved a shot at happiness, after everything I’ve done, I deserve every bit of this.”
“That is not true, Nicole. It’s simply not true. We’ve all made mistakes…”
“And karma’s a bitch,” Nicole freed herself from Chloe’s hug and got up from the table. “Where’s Pooks?”
“She fell asleep on my bed…”
“Good. She’s wise, that dog. It’s a wonder she hasn’t run away yet. I mean, dogs are an excellent judge of character, and me being what I am…”
“Stop, Nicole, please. You did not deserve this.”
“I was going to be a mother. I was going to have someone who loved me…because…I was going to be a good mother. I was going to be the best mother, Chloe,” Nicole whispered.
Through her own tears, Chloe said, “You can still do that, Nicole. And I know that you’ll be the very best mother ever…”
“No. I’m not meant to be a mother. I thought we’d come to that conclusion already, God and me, but then he had to go and throw me a curve ball. Because I needed to be punished, taught a good lesson…” she broke off, sobbing uncontrollably as Chloe cried as well, hugging her friend as tightly as she dared. After a few minutes, she composed herself and said, “I’m sorry. I just…I just hurt so bad…”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Nicole,” Chloe told her firmly.
“I do, because I just want to be alone. I just want to try and sleep, try and think…I have to figure out how to tell EJ…I know you’re trying to help, and you’re doing a really great job, you are. But I just need to be alone right now. I need to…say goodbye to her. Do you…do you understand?”
“Of course I do. Just call me if you need me for anything…I mean anything, OK? To vent, to cry, a hug, if you want to punch someone…I’m right behind that door,” Chloe replied sadly as Nicole slowly walked to her room and closed the door.
Philip let himself in and made his way to the kitchen. He was surprised how late it was, it was as if the day had just passed him by. Time flies when your brain’s cooking. He was startled as he came through the door by Henderson, who was entering through another. “Hey,” he managed to get out before he had another coughing fit.
“Did I see you sitting outside with Brady?” Henderson asked and Philip nodded, still coughing. “You do realize it’s nearly freezing, don’t you? Are you alright, Philip?”
“Yeah,“ Philip shook his head, “I just got some bad news about a friend. And it was stuffy in here,” Philip told him when he’d finished coughing. “No big deal, I didn‘t get hypothermia.”
“Still, I doubt sitting out in the cold was doing you any good,” Henderson pointed out as he handed him a glass of water. “I suppose you still have a fever?”
“I’m thinking that’s a very good probability,” Philip groaned, taking a sip of the water, “thanks.”
“What was the diagnosis, by the way?” Henderson asked as he sat at the table with a glass of wine.
“Bronchitis. Courtesy of Ciara. Oh, and I’m not crazy.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” Henderson chuckled. “I believe I’ve already told you that, sir.”
Philip squinted his eyes at him, “Oh, come on, don’t pull that ’sir’ stuff with me now. You’re off the clock.”
“Indeed I am,” Henderson smiled. “Does Dr. Johnson know about your sitting out in the cold all night? She may change her mind regarding your sanity.”
“It wasn’t Kayla who declared me sane, it was Dr. J. The shrink,” Philip explained.
“Oh, yes, the other appointment. How did that go?”
“We kept it short, as you know, because I felt like crap, but we talked. The main reason I wanted to…you know, talk to someone is because the nightmares are back. Every night since the fire. Sometimes more than one a night,” Philip coughed some more.
“And? Did you tell him about that?”
“Yeah, I did. He thinks the fire just…brought stuff up. From Afghanistan. You know…it’s crazy. I mean, I’ve been in situations since Afghanistan…I, well, you know, basically shipwrecked with Shawn and Belle, thinking we’d lost Claire; I’ve been in a plane crash, I’ve been shot, I’ve been knifed…it’s like I’m a magnet for this stuff. But that fire…” he stopped, inspected the table’s wood grain, “I was never afraid those other times, not for myself, anyway. But that fire, I…I thought I was going to die. And then I look at this house, and it’s like nothing ever happened…and Melanie comes up to me today and spews this goodwill toward man bull…and…it feels like it was such a non-event, but…it scared the hell out of me, Henderson. It really did.”
“It certainly wasn’t a non-event. The danger was very real.”
“Yeah. But it’s over. And I need to get over it, but I can’t. I can’t shake it. I just can’t shake that fear,” Philip shrugged. “So I’m not crazy, but…I’m sick as a dog.”
“Then I recommend bed rest,” Henderson nodded firmly.
“Yeah, that’s the plan. I called Dad this afternoon and told him I’m taking the rest of the week off. So yeah, I guess I’ll go to bed,” he backed away from the table and headed towards the door before stopping and turning to face Henderson, “thanks again, Henderson, I mean that, for helping Chloe that night. For getting me out of here. Thanks. Good night.”
“Good night, Philip, and you’re welcome,” Henderson smiled.
Chapter 96 - People Like Us
Philip simply could not sleep. Every time he started to nod off, he’d start coughing. He’d already taken the maximum amount of the cough syrup Kayla had prescribed, so there was nothing more he could do about it. And to make things worse, his ankle itched. An absolutely maddening itch, that would not go away. He tried to think about something else, but it was no use, his ankle itched, and he had to find a way to stop it. And so he set out to find a wire hanger, which was surprisingly hard to find in the house. When did Joan Crawford move in with us? He’d searched literally every room on the first floor, finding only wooden hangers. Hours had passed. And his ankle still itched. Is it really possible that there’s not one single wire hanger in this house? Really? He rounded out his search in the laundry room, where finally, he found a wire hanger with the dry cleaning. Of course, in the most obvious place. I’ve been wandering around here all night when I should have just checked here first. After straightening it and blunting the ends with duct tape, he shoved it down his cast and…Finally. Relief. And now he really couldn’t sleep.
He decided to compose his note to Nicole, which also proved to be an arduous task. He discarded the first version, which he felt was too formal and cold. He started the second version, telling her how truly sorry he was for her loss, and that he was there for her no matter what she needed. He wrote that he knew how painful this was, and how he remembered how Belle…God, Philip, make her feel worse. With that, he tore up version two and began version three.
Dear Nicole,
I am so sorry for your loss, I know how painful this is for you. Please know that I’m here for you, whatever you need. If there’s any way I can help at all, I will. Please remember that.
Yours,
Philip
It still didn’t seem quite right, but he couldn’t find the right words. Maybe they’d come to him when he saw her in person, but for now, the words on the stationary were true, so he folded it and tucked it into an envelope. Time to think about something else. He went into the media room and settled on the couch, where he remained for hours until Henderson, clucking his tongue, turned the lights off several hours later.
“Hey!” Philip exclaimed, surprised.
“Oh, sorry sir,” Henderson apologized, “I thought I’d forgotten to turn the lights off last night.”
“What are you doing still up?” Philip asked, stretching.
“It’s seven in the morning, sir,” Henderson replied as he opened the drapes and let in the light of a grey day. “Have you been up all night?”
“Guess I have,” Philip said as he got into the wheelchair, “got into some stupid movie. I’m going to try and get some sleep now,” he handed Henderson the envelope, “Henderson, can you wait a couple of hours and have this delivered for me, please?”
“Certainly, sir,” Henderson nodded.
“Thanks,” Philip told him as he headed to his bedroom, feeling not the slightest bit tired.
Nicole was already awake and just clicking off her cell phone when Chloe came out. “Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Better, I guess. Still cramping,” Nicole answered.
“I thought you’d still be sleeping,” Chloe remarked. “Did you have anything to eat?”
“Not yet, I was waiting for you. I actually woke up pretty early, and brought Pookie out to do her business. Philip sent this,” she handed Chloe the envelope. “Sweet of him. And I just got off the phone with EJ.”
“Did you tell him?” Chloe asked as she read Philip’s note.
“No. Not over the phone, I can’t. But…he’s coming home early. He’ll be here tomorrow. So…that’s when it ends, I guess.”
“Nicole. You don’t know that.”
“No, Chloe, I do. Without this baby…without the baby, EJ and I don’t exist.”
“That’s not true, Nicole. He loves you, you know that. And you love him,” Chloe said as she put her arm around Nicole.
“People like us…like EJ and me, we aren’t meant to live happily ever after, Chloe. You know that as well as I do,” Nicole said quietly.
“No, I don’t. I don’t even understand what you’re talking about.”
“People like EJ and me, we don’t…we don’t marry for love. We’re manipulators. We marry to get ourselves ahead. We marry for money, for power, for anything but love. I thought we could have it all, but in the end, we’re just two pretty shady characters who just happened to procreate. It didn’t work out. Honestly, do you really think that EJ and I could have married and raised a family, had a house with a picket fence and 2.5 kids with me in the kitchen and him in his easy chair reading the paper? It’s a ridiculous thought. We use people. We used each other. And we’d just keep on doing that, gobbling up whatever good there is about our relationship and spitting it back out. We’d never last. And we won’t last now, once he knows, he’ll leave. It’s not an irrational fear I have, Chloe, it’s fact. He has no use for me now,” Nicole told her as she swiped at her tears.
“Give him a chance, Nicole. He might surprise you, you know?” Chloe said gently.
“I wish you were right. I really, really do. But you’re not. I should’ve trusted my instincts. I knew after the hospital lockdown that he wasn’t the one, no matter how much I wanted him to be. I knew he wouldn’t…couldn’t…slay my dragons. No one can. I am my own dragon slayer, and I really suck at it.”
Dragon slayer…I’ve heard that before. “Dragon slayer? What do you mean?” Chloe asked, eyebrows raised.
“Doesn’t matter. There’s no such thing,” Nicole sighed. “Look, I took a pain killer not too long ago, and it’s really knocking me out. I think I’m going to go lie down for a bit. Go ahead and have breakfast without me.”
“Do you need anything? Are you sure you don’t want me to bring you some breakfast?” Chloe asked, concerned.
“No, no. Just do whatever you’d normally do. Go out, have fun, whatever. I’m just going to sleep. I’m fine, really. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Nicole, I am worried about you. I want to help.”
“You have helped, really,” Nicole smiled wanly. “But right now, I just want to sleep, and you can’t help me do that.” She took Chloe’s hand and said, “I’m OK, really. Thank you. I love you, I really do. You’re a good friend.”
Chloe watched as Nicole, followed closely by Pookie, went into her room and closed her door. She sighed deeply, wondering if there was anything she could do to help Nicole when her phone rang. She looked at the screen…it was Philip. Is this going to be good or bad? She clicked on, “Hello.”
His voice sounded terribly hoarse as he said, “Hey Chloe, it’s Philip.”
“I know it’s you, Philip. Did you think I deleted you from my contacts?” Great, now I sound like I’m sixteen.
“I don’t know,” he answered. “Maybe.”
“Don’t you think that would be a bit immature?” She pointed out, but couldn’t help asking, “Why? Did you delete me?”
“Of course not,” he coughed out.
“You sound horrible. Are you OK?” Let’s get back to acting like adults, why don’t we? Before I have to go watch the latest episode of Hannah Montana or something.
“Yeah, I’m just sorta sick. Look, I was calling to see how Nicole's doing. I didn’t want to call her and disturb her…I know she’s probably…I know Belle was really…” He started to cough, “Excuse me,” and coughed some more, then he was back on the line, “Sorry. I just didn’t want to disturb her. I know Brady’s supposed to see her later…”
“She’s sleeping right now, but she did get your note. That was nice of you, Philip.” This is so damned awkward.
“Good. So. Um. How are you?”
“Fine. You?”
“OK. Kinda sick,” he replied.
“I can hear that.” There’s so much I want to say to you, Philip…but not on the phone, not when I don’t know where I stand.
“Well…I guess I’ll let you go. Tell Nicole I’ll come see her when I’m feeling a little better,” he broke the silence.
“I will,” she said quietly. “Take care of yourself, Philip.”
“Yeah,” there was a long pause, then finally, “Chloe?”
“Still here.”
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, then hurriedly added, “I guess I’ll see you around. Bye.”
“Bye, Philip,” she whispered, clicking off and staring at the phone. You…you…argh. What are you sorry for? Damn it, Philip.
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