Collateral Damage (Read 56,474 times)

[jwsel]

Chapter 54

Steve heard Shane stomp out of the room. All Steve wanted to do was get up and go after him, but his body once again betrayed him. He felt Kayla's hand on his face and heard her voice saying, "Just lie still, let me look at your lip."

He looked up at Kayla. Her eyes were filled with tears, but Steve refused to acknowledge them. He pushed her hand away and stood up. "Just leave me alone, Kayla," he spat. I don't need your help and I damn well don't need your pity." He did not bother hiding the anger he felt.

"I'm not leaving you alone, Steve," Kayla said in that familiar determined voice.

Steve whirled around. "I told you before, I'm not a child and I'm not an invalid. I can survive Donovan's sucker punch. I've survived much worse. Just leave me the hell alone."

"Fine, you can survive it," Kayla said. "But you don't need to bleed all over the place in the process. So let me take care of your lip." She reached for his arm again.

"Don't," Steve said, pulling his arm away. Without a word he stalked into the kitchen, looking for a towel for his lip.

He heard Kayla come in behind him, and he watched as she went to a drawer and pulled out a first aid kit. Just the fact that Kayla seemed so comfortable in this house angered Steve. "I guess you have this place scoped out, huh, Sweetness? Preparing for the day you became the lady of the manor?"

He saw Kayla flinch at the jibe, but she remained silent. She walked over to him with gauze in her hand. "Just stand still and let me take care of this."

Before Steve could move, Kayla quickly placed the gauze on his lip. "Owww!!!" Steve exclaimed as the antiseptic hit the cut on his lip. He tried to jerk away, but Kayla had a hold of his head and wouldn't let him. In that moment, Steve flashed back to all the times Kayla had doctored his various wounds in their early relationship. He should have remembered never to let her near him with a medical kit when she was upset.

Kayla dabbed at Steve's lip and then applied a small bandage, all without saying a word. When she had finished, she stepped back and finally spoke. "Are you going to listen to me now and let me explain?" she asked in a quiet, but firm voice.

"What's to explain, Kayla?" Steve said, stalking around the room. "I heard everything just fine. You love Shane and he loves you. My return from the dead seems to have messed up the perfect romance."

"No, your death messed up the perfect romance," Kayla said softly. Steve could hear the emotion in her voice. His sarcastic response died in his throat. As angry as he was, he did not want to hurt her anymore. He stopped pacing and let Kayla talk.

"What I said before is the truth, Steve. When I thought you were dead, a part of me died too. I knelt beside your coffin and all I wanted to do was crawl inside and be with you. I didn't know how to live without you. But I had to. I had Stephanie, and I had promised you that I would be strong for her and make you proud of me."

Steve could see the tears falling freely down her face as Kayla continued. "So that's what I tried to do. I tried to live a life without you that I had never expected. You need to understand that Shane and I never planned on anything happening between us. It just did." Kayla turned to face Steve again.

"Okay. So it just happened. But you can't tell me that Mr. ISA didn't know exactly what he was doing. You were hurting and lonely, and he took advantage of that. He used that to get you into his bed." Steve spat out the words bitterly, the very thought nearly killing him.

"I never slept with Shane," Kayla said. "I wasn't ready to be with him like that and he understood that. But I'm not going to lie to you anymore, Steve. It would have happened eventually."

Steve remained silent. He was torn between rage and hurt and guilt. Rage at Shane for taking advantage of his wife. Hurt at Kayla having misled him and, yes, for having moved on with her life. Guilt at the fact that, if he had been more careful, if he had just walked away from that stupid Jencon case, he would have never been taken from his family and Kayla would have never been in a position to be vulnerable to Shane's advances.

"So where does that leave us now, Kayla? You can't tell me that your feelings for him changed that quickly, baby. So why are you with me now? Out of pity? Obligation? Some misguided sense of loyalty?" There. It was out in the open now. Steve held his breath, waiting for Kayla's response.

"What do you mean where does that leave us?" Kayla asked in an incredulous voice. "You're my husband, the love of my life. Don't you know that by now? After everything we've been through -- Jack, Marina, your supposed death -- somehow we are still here together. That's where this leaves us -- together."

"You're in love with another man, Kayla," Steve yelled out. "That doesn't exactly spell happily ever after."

"I'm not in love with Shane. I'm in love with you," Kayla yelled back. "Don't you get it? The only reason I could feel anything for Shane is because you were dead. I buried part of my heart and soul with you, and the moment I saw you again was the first time I'd felt whole since you left. Whatever Shane and I had died as soon as I saw you. You've had all of my heart since the moment I fell in love with you, and that's something that will never change."

"Then why didn't you just tell me the truth, Kayla? If you have no feelings for Shane anymore, then why didn't you just tell me when I kept asking about your life while I was gone?" Steve's frustration was back. "Why did you and Shane play me for the fool?"

"I never wanted you do find out like this, Steve. I knew I had to tell you, but I just got you back and I just wanted some time with you." Kayla paused. "And I felt guilty, all right. I had just found out that while I was trying to move on with my life, the love of my life was trapped in hell. I should have known that you were alive. I should have felt it."

"You still should have told me. You should have trusted me," Steve said, refusing to back down.

"I know that. But I was scared." Kayla's own frustration began to show. "And call me crazy, but I had this funny feeling that when I told you about my relationship with Shane, it might upset you. I know it was selfish, but I just wanted to hold on to that happiness for a little while."

Steve watched as Kayla took a deep breath and then walked back over to where he was standing. She cupped his face in her hand and looked into his eye. "I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you everything sooner. But I love you with all of my heart. . . . And you can't tell me that you don't believe that -- not after everything we've been through."

Steve closed his eye for a moment, wanting nothing more than to take her in his arms and forget everything that had happened today. But he could not forget what he heard and what he saw. And he could not forget the lies. He took Kayla's hands from his face and pushed them away. "I never thought you would lie to me, Kayla, but you did. And now I don't know what to believe anymore."

He let go of her hands and turned to walk out of the kitchen. He could hear Kayla call his name, but he didn't turn around and just kept walking.

[MrsM]

Oh Steve you stubborn mule! Listen to your wife!!

[DancingDays]

Wow. Sooooooo good!!!!!

PS. I've got to find my thesaurus. I'm having trouble coming up with different ways to say "awesome."

[jwsel]

Jun 12, 2012 8:07:34 GMT -5 MrsM said:

Oh Steve you stubborn mule! Listen to your wife!!

He should, but I'm not sure we would have much story if he did that? This is a soap, after all.

Jun 12, 2012 9:28:21 GMT -5 DancingDays said:

Wow. Sooooooo good!!!!!

PS. I've got to find my thesaurus. I'm having trouble coming up with different ways to say "awesome."

Thanks. Hopefully, we can keep coming up with ways to make you want to say that.

[jwsel]

Chapter 55

Kim had come downstairs just as Steve turned the corner of the main hallway. She saw a red welt on his jaw and he had a small bandage on the edge of his lip.

"Steve, what happened?"

"Ask your sister and her sugar daddy." He scowled as he marched past her.

I guess the truth is out, Kim thought. Steve was never the calmest man under the best of circumstances. Given the current situation, Kim should have expected a volcanic explosion. She shook her head. Time for Kimmie to come help her Sis pick up the pieces.

She found Kayla sitting at the table in the kitchen. She seemed to be counting the grains in the wood. Without saying a word, Kim walked over to the teapot and fixed two cups. Earl Gray for her; orange blossom for Kayla. Shane must have ordered that special, because Kim knew his disdain for the stuff. She looked out the window and saw the nanny was watching the children outside. Once the tea was ready, Kim carried the two cups over to the table and set the orange blossom in front of Kayla.

"Thanks," Kayla said.

"Guess I don't have to ask what happened." Kim took a seat next to her sister. "Steve's jaw told me everything I need to know."

"Shane shouldn't have hit him," Kayla said angrily. "And Steve wouldn't even listen. He's trying to make this into something sordid."

"You've got to give Steve time," Kim said. "He knows you love him. He's probably just as angry at himself as he is at you and Shane"

"That doesn't make it any easier."

"No, I guess not." This was hard for Kim. She had been the outsider to Kayla and Shane's relationship for so many months that sympathy was difficult to muster. But then she looked at how forlorn Kayla looked, and some of her bitterness slipped away. "I'm sorry. I doubt there's any easy way to handle this."

Kayla shook her head. "I guess not. I haven't done the husband returns from the dead thing before."

"Trust me," Kim said. "It's not easy." She thought back to that moment when Shane had walked into their bedroom while she was in bed with Cal. "At least Steve remembers who you are."

"Thank goodness for small favors," Kayla muttered. "Mine's just been traumatized."

"I'll try to talk with him again." Kim sighed as she thought about her lack of progress with Steve so far. "Maybe this incident will convince Steve he needs to open up."

"I doubt it. He's just angry, and now he can be even more angry at Shane for hitting him." She scowled. "Shane shouldn't have done that. It just made everything worse." Kayla looked at the doorway. "I should go and find Steve."

"No," Kim said. "Give him some time to think so he can calm down. Then let me have a crack at him. The last thing you want to do is give him more time for the anger to simmer."

Kayla nodded and then set something on the table. Kim looked closer and realized it was Shane's ring. Kayla picked it up and stood up from the table. "Guess I'd better finish what I started."

Now Kim really understood. Steve had seen the ring when Kayla was trying to return it, and that had prompted the argument. Kim felt a little heartsick for Shane. It had been a major step for him to open himself enough to give the ring, much the same way it had been a major step in her relationship with Shane for him to give Kim his mother's cameo. Kim had returned the cameo when Jeannie was born, but she had not returned it personally. That had spared her seeing the hurt on Shane's face. Kayla would not be so lucky.

Kim looked down at the untouched cup of orange blossom tea while Kayla started for the door. Before she could leave, Kim turned toward her sister. "Kay . . . I know things haven't been the best between us for the past few months, but . . . if you want to talk at all, I'm here for you."

Kayla stopped and gave a sad smile. "Thanks, Sis, I may really need it."

[fluffysmom]

I really liked Kim trying to comfort Kayla despite her own hurt from Kayla and Shane's relationship.

[MrsM]

I am glad that Kim is there for Kayla, even though she is feeling those feelings.

[jwsel]

Chapter 56

It took Kayla a while to find Shane, and the more she walked around the estate, the more she pictured Steve's bloody lip. So when she finally spotted Shane walking aimlessly amidst a clump of trees, her anger had returned. "How could you?" she yelled. "How could you hurt him like that?"

Shane stopped walking and looked at her. In a calm voice, he said, "I only wanted to incapacitate him. A punch to the liver hurts and the target is disabled, but I didn't hit him hard enough to cause any lasting damage."

"Lasting damage?" Kayla could not believe what she was hearing. "A few days ago, he could barely walk. You could've grabbed him in a headlock or something."

Shane sighed. "No, I couldn't. Steve was too out-of-control. If I got him in a headlock, he would have forced me to cut off the oxygen flow to his brain until he went to sleep. If I put him in an arm-bar, he would have forced me to break his arm." Shane turned away. "I just wanted to stop him before he hurt anyone, especially you."

"Steve would never hurt me, Shane," Kayla said, still angry. "You don't need to protect me from my own husband. You should have just left him alone."

"Maybe not intentionally," Shane said. "But the way he was, the way he was swinging so wildly, he could've easily missed me and hit you. If you're so worried about him, think about that. What would've happened to him if he wound up hurting you by accident?" Shane shook his head slowly. "There was no other way. I wish there had been, but there wasn't."

He turned and ran his hands through his hair, a sign that Kayla recognized as one of frustration. The anger left her. She knew Shane was hurting and knew that he probably was telling the truth when he said he had not wanted to hurt Steve. Kayla also had to admit that Steve had been pretty out-of-control.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I know you thought you were protecting me, but hitting him just made things worse."

Shane turned to her. "He's not in his right mind, Kay. What happens if he loses control and I'm not there?"

"That won't happen, Shane. I already told you, Steve would never hurt me." Kayla thought back to her talk with Steve. "Besides, he's more angry at you than at me, really."

"Fine, if that's what he needs to do, I can handle it."

That was so much like Shane, she thought. Always ready to step into the line of fire.

There was a long silence between them, as Kayla tried to figure out what to say next.

Shane spoke first. He slowly looked around at the trees, almost wistfully. "You know, when I was a boy, this is where I'd come to think. I'd just climb the highest tree and sit there for hours, just thinking." He looked back at her, with a sad half-smile. "Sometimes I'd think about the future, how I'd have great adventures and, one day, I'd have a family of my own. A wife. Kids. Everything would be so good, so right."

This was probably the most open Kayla had ever seen him, and she stepped forward. "Shane, you can still have that."

He shook his head. "You say that, but we both know it's not true. The two of us worked because we knew the limits of what we could give each other; because of what we'd lost. You got that back." He paused. "Me? That's not going to happen and there won't be anyone else who's willing to accept those limits."

Kayla had to admit there was some truth to that. What had she said to Shane when they were in the mountains? That she feared that she would never be able to love anyone because they would expect her to stop loving Steve. She reached out and took his hand. "I wish I could make this easier for you."

Shane laughed weakly. "Ah, the irony. That's what I've been saying to myself ever since we found him. I was going to make this easy for you. I'd just stay out of your way and let you and Steve work things out." He looked at her. "I'm sorry. I guess I made a mess of things."

Kayla thought back over the past few days and how Shane had disappeared for long stretches. She had assumed he was avoiding her to prevent her from having this talk after her callous comment to him in the stables, after she had told him their relationship was meaningless. That was probably one his reasons, but she should have known that wasn't all there was to it.

Earlier, she had told Steve that her love for Shane had died, but that was only partly true. They still had a bond, a friendship, and even a love of a sort. She could not really explain it. It was nothing like the love she had for Steve, but she cared for Shane deeply, and she hated that her happiness had come at such a price to his.

"It's not your fault, Shane, and I guess I've been rather selfish not to think about how hard this is for you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he said. "All along, I said I just wanted you to be happy. So go be happy, Kay. I don't need your pity."

"Dammit, Shane Donovan," she felt her anger rising with her voice. "Why do you make it so damn hard for people to care about you? You helped me through a terrible time -- a beyond-terrible time," she said. "And I'm grateful to you for everything you did for me and Stephanie."

She reached into her pocket with her free hand and pulled out the ring once more. She suspected this might be the only time they really had to talk. She doubted Steve's anger toward Shane was going to diminish, especially if he was using Shane as the lightning rod for his pain, jealousy, and guilt. And Kayla knew she needed to make her relationship with Steve her top priority. She opened up Shane's hand, placed the ring in it, and closed his hand around it. This time, he took it.

"You're a good man, Shane Donovan. You're a good man and you deserve to be happy." She gave his hand a squeeze and let go of it.

Shane opened his hand and looked down at the ring. Then he looked at her and she could tell that he couldn't have masked his emotions even if he tried. He looked so wounded, so in pain, that she was reminded of how she felt when Steve died. Then he nodded and said, "I'll do my best to make this easier for you."

With his other hand, he reached out and brushed her cheek like he had done so many times before. Then, as if he suddenly realized what he had done, he jerked his hand back. "Sorry," he said. "Force of habit, I guess." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll do my best, Kay, but I can't just pretend I don't care. I can't just flip a switch and stop caring about you and Stephanie."

Kayla understood exactly what he meant, but she knew better than to say anything further. She gave him a slight nod and then turned around and headed back to the house.

[MrsM]

Poor Shane. That has got to be so hard.

[fluffysmom]

It's so heartbreaking for Shane. I liked him opening up about his dreams as a boy and how he doesn't think they'll ever come true.

[jwsel]

Chapter 57

Steve was back at the pond on the estate grounds staring vacantly out at the water. Somehow this spot had become a place of refuge for him. I could use a little refuge right now. How had things gotten so screwed up so quickly? But that was not the real question. He knew the answer to that one. The real question was how to fix them, if it could be fixed at all.

"Steven?" he heard Kim's voice call out. Great. Just what I needed, somebody trying to get into my head. He looked up at Kim but did not respond, hoping she would take the hint that he was not interested in talking. He turned back to the pond knowing that his hope was likely in vain.

As expected, he soon felt Kim sit on the bench next to him. Deciding to address the issue head on, Steve turned to her and said, "Look Kim, if you are here to try and get into my head again, I'm not interested. I've got other things on my mind and it's really not a good time."

"I know. I heard." Kim said evenly, her voice betraying nothing.

"You heard?" Steve could not resist asking.

"I talked to Kayla. She's pretty upset, you know."

"I know, but maybe she should have thought of that before she decided to lie to me about her little romance with your ex-husband." A sudden thought ran through Steve's head. "He is your ex-husband, right? I mean he wasn't cheating on you like Kayla was chea. . . ." Steve stopped.

"Kayla wasn't cheating on you, Steve. She thought you were dead."

Steve stood up and started pacing. "I know that, all right. Shane told me, Kayla told me, and now you told me. Everybody thought I was dead and buried. But I wasn't dead and buried. I was in hell while my wife was cozying up to another man. No, not just another man -- Shane."

"I know."

Something in Kim's voice caught Steve's attention. He stopped pacing and looked down at her, "Yeah, I guess you do, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. But I also know how lost and alone Kayla was after you died. And I know from personal experience how that kind of loneliness can make you look for someone or something to ease the pain."

"You're talking about your relationship with Cal, aren't you?"

Kim nodded. "Yes, I am speaking of Cal. I'm not saying the situations or relationships are exactly the same. But I remember how everybody kept telling me I had to move on and live my life, and I remember wanting to do just about anything to stop feeling all the pain. Cal was a mistake on so many levels, but he took away some of the pain I felt when I thought Shane had died, and I can't deny that."

"So Kayla was just using Shane to deal with the pain?" Steve asked.

"I can't answer that question, Steven. Only Kayla can. But I know that whatever I thought I felt for Cal ended when Shane returned. Shane never understood that; not really. I'm not sure he ever forgave me for being involved with Cal while he was gone." Kim paused. "There were a lot of other things that happened after that, but I sometimes think that was the beginning of the end for us."

Steve's eye narrowed. "So I should just accept that Kayla was in love with Shane, but now she isn't? I don't know if I know how to do that."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do or what to feel, Steve. I'm just offering another perspective from someone who's been there. How you choose to deal with this is up to you. But you need to remember that there's a lot at stake and ask yourself if your pride is worth losing everything."

Kim got up from the bench and put her hand on Steve's shoulder. "I may be Kayla's sister, but I'm also your friend. If you want to talk -- about anything -- you know where to find me." Steve simply nodded in response and watch Kim walk away.

Steve turned back to the pond, thinking about Kim's words. He remembered when he and Shane had been in Italy looking for the survivors of the Loretta. He had tried to talk to Shane about Kim, tried to tell him how Kim had never stopped loving Shane, and had only turned to Cal out of loneliness. Shane had shut him down cold. Steve let out an ironic chuckle as he remembered how he had felt Shane was being an obstinate ass who was too stubborn to realize he was throwing away something special. Guess the shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it Johnson?

Steve had no idea how long he had been staring at the pond when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Kayla walking up the path towards the house. His first instinct was to call out to her, but he did not. He just watched her walking slowly up the path with her head down. Suddenly she stopped and turned in his direction. Their eyes met for a moment before Steve looked away.

Steve kept his head down as he could hear Kayla's approaching footsteps. "This is a beautiful spot," Kayla said softly as she stopped and stood next to him.

"Yeah it is. And just think . . . it all could have been yours," Steve said, unable to stop himself.

"Dammit, Steve. Do you really think I care about any of this stuff?"

"Come on, Kayla. Let's be real here," Steve said, as all those long-buried insecurities came pouring out. "On the one hand you have Master Donovan, the man with all the money, the houses, the estates. He can give you anything you could ever want. On the other you have Steven Earl Johnson, ex-pool hustler, ex-cop, currently unemployed with limited prospects. Why wouldn't you be thinking about what you could have had if I'd stayed dead?"

"Because the only thing that has ever mattered to me is you," Kayla said angrily. "Haven't I proven that to you enough? All the money, all the houses, all the stuff in the world doesn't matter if I don't have you. And if you don't understand that by now, I don't know what else I can do to prove it to you." Without another word, Kayla turned and began walking back to the house.

Steve remained where he was and let her go. He knew she was right; she had never cared about material things. He was the one that always felt like she deserved more. But he could not help how he felt and he did not know how to make that feeling go away.

[MrsM]

Steve you ass!!!

Great chapter! Full of soapy goodness that the show is severely lacking right now!!

[DancingDays]

This is ripping my heart right out.

I LOVE IT!!!!!!

[fluffysmom]

So many emotions...love it!!

[jwsel]

Chapter 58

It was late by the time Kayla finally headed up to the bedroom. She and Steve had barely spoken since she had walked away from him at the pond earlier in the afternoon. He had returned to the house in time to help feed Stephanie her dinner and eat something himself. After dinner, he had spent the evening playing with Stephanie and ignoring Kayla, except when absolutely necessary. When Stephanie had begun yawning, Steve had quietly picked her up and followed Kayla upstairs where they had put her to bed. As soon as Stephanie was asleep, Steve had turned and left the room without a word. Kayla had left, too, but had not seen him since.

Pausing at the bedroom door, she took a deep breath and slowly opened it. She stepped inside and saw Steve already in bed. His eye was closed, but she could not tell if he was asleep or just pretending. She walked across the room and into the adjoining room to check on Stephanie. Her daughter was sleeping soundly, clearly oblivious to all the turmoil going on with her parents.

Turning from the crib, Kayla eyed the small bed in the room. Maybe she should just sleep in there tonight. Steve was clearly not ready to forgive her yet, and she doubted he wanted her in their bed. She walked back into the bedroom to get her nightgown. As she reached for it on the chair by the bed, she looked again at Steve. This time his eye was open and locked on her. She held his gaze for a moment, wondering if he would say anything.

He did not, but he also did not turn away. Kayla picked up her nightgown and went into the adjoining bathroom. As she got ready for bed, Kayla knew she would not be sleeping in Stephanie's room. She had spent too many nights alone in her bed and she would be damned if she would voluntarily spend another one alone now. She had known that this would not be easy. Steve was hurt and angry, and she understood that. But if he wanted to shut her out, she was not going to make it easy for him. She had vowed that she would not let this tear them apart and she planned on keeping that vow.

Shutting off the light, Kayla exited the bathroom and walked towards the bed. She could again see Steve's eye open and he watched her approach. Without a word, she pulled back the covers and slipped into the bed beside him. She dared to hope for a moment that he might turn and take her in his arms as he had every other night since he returned. But he did not move.

Sighing slightly in disappointment, Kayla turned on her side to face Steve. He began to stir and she was sure that he was going to turn away from her. But, to her surprise, he turned on his side to face her. Their eyes met, each searching for something in the other. Kayla wanted to tell him to talk to her, to share his hurt, his anger; anything to break down this wall of silence between them. But she did not. Instead, without thinking, she reached out and stroked his cheek and softly spoke.

"You said you didn't know what to believe anymore. Well I do. I believe that we were meant to be together . . . forever. I believe that you love me and, that no matter how angry or hurt you are, you know that I love you. So, if you can't believe anything else, believe this -- I'm here in our bed because there is nowhere else that I want to be . . . and I'm not going anywhere."

Steve did not respond, but she did not expect him to. Pulling her hand away from his cheek, Kayla gave a small smile and rolled over. As the events of the day caught up with her and she drifted to sleep, Kayla knew there was one more thing she believed -- they would survive this just as they had survived all other challenges placed before them.