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Post by slyn11 on May 22, 2014 0:05:01 GMT -5
A/N - I demand a cookie! I posted again so fast. You know what that means? IT'S SUMMER!!! Yeah..slower days, less work, and way less students. In other words prime time to write.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Thanks to all my sounding boards and my beta team. I couldn't do this without you guys.
I will have to go back and figure out what chapter this is...but it is the final piece of it and that means after this we are moving on to a new one. Only two more left (I know it doesn't feel like it because I've been posting in segments...but if you were reading this all at once, you'd see that it was one long chapter.) Okay I'll shut up and get on with it.
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She had been jittery all morning and obviously avoiding eye contact with him. Maybe the shower had freaked her out and she wasn’t letting on. Things had gotten weird between them in there, primarily because of him and his staring and his need to randomly reveal the jumbled thoughts in his head. He thought it would be fun, another milestone in his sexual journey with her. She had come in with her tousled hair, swollen lips and her body covered in the marks he’d left on her. The sight of her aroused him and suddenly all he could think about was her wet and quivering in his arms. Once she was in the shower with him however everything changed, all the lustful urges left his body as he stared at her beautiful porcelain skin covered by water. As if he were once again a teenager, he stood there awestruck and a bit uncertain about what to do now that he had her so close.
Even now with the shower long behind him he still felt unsure about his next step. What if he was making the wrong move? His actions now had more consequences than ever, and one misstep could destroy people he cared about. Things weren’t life and death so perhaps he was being a tad overdramatic, but there were the far reaching impacts of his choices to be considered. Chloe needed him in more ways than he cared to dwell on at this point. He now knew that having her released from the hospital wasn’t going to be a romantic reunion for the two of them, there were very real obstacles to conquer before they could come anywhere near that. Then there was Melanie, his illness had taken a toll on her, the effects marred her face, dulling her skin, creating dark circles under her eyes. He might be on the mend, but she didn’t seem to be, and he knew that was because he was still gone in her eyes.
Fatherhood needed to be his top priority, and he was trying to let it be, but there were so many things to consider. He felt displaced, no home, no job, a wife he didn’t know, Chloe feeling more foreign with each passing day. He wanted to plant roots and be there for his son, create that stable family for Parker that he never truly had in his own life. But how did he start building that future when he didn’t even really know who he was anymore?
Maybe he needed to reconsider therapy, not with Kali that was out of the question, but with another doctor that could fill him in on all he had forgotten. With the missing pieces of his life restored, perhaps then he could get himself headed in a positive direction, set a course for his future.
“Okay that didn’t come out right.” He felt like he could jump out of his skin. "Man this is so hard," he said roughly running his hand through his hair.
"Let's just skip it,” she suggested casually. “Go see your father. Celebrate your birthday."
He looked at her when he heard the brightness of her tone. It sounded false to his ears and now that he saw her face he knew it was. Her eyes didn’t match her words.
It would have been so easy to follow her lead down the escape path she had created. He could go see his father and leave the uncomfortableness that had settled between them behind. But Philip was tired of being a coward. The time had come to own up to every aspect of his life, starting with being completely honest with Melanie.
"No, it can't wait. I've dragged this out long enough,” he said squaring up his shoulders.
"I know what you're going to say,” Melanie said before he could begin. “That what happened between us was a mistake, that you only love Chloe, and that I'm in the way.” She let out a breath and leaned back into the couch cushions, staring off at something across the room. “There I did it all for you, so no need to stress yourself over the big goodbye speech."
"Look Melanie, that's not..."
"No need to explain.” She cut him off. “I get it. We'll fake it for nine months for the cameras and your dad, but your heart will be with her and I'll just be this inconvenience you have to bear." Still she refused to look at him, but Philip couldn’t take his eyes off of her as he watched her rapidly blink back tears.
Finally he tore himself away and leaned back into the couch the way she did. He too turned his focus to a spot on the wall across the room. "You have it all figured out I see. Not only psychic but a mind reader too."
"I've always been able to read you, practically since we met." So sure of herself, she said it like there was no disputing the facts, as if he were a college course that she’d aced.
Philip smiled, his eyes still transfixed toward the opposite wall. "You must be getting rusty or I really am a far different man than I used to be because you are so wrong with all of this."
Out of the corner of his eye he could see her shaking her head. "I'm not wrong."
On a sigh he shifted to face her. "Yes you are. I'm not giving a goodbye speech, but I do want to talk about the future."
Finally she looked at him with cold blue eyes. The tears were still there making her eyes shine like glass but they were somehow frozen in their spot unable to fall beyond the boundary of her lashes.
“Can this wait until later?” she asked. “It’s a little early to be hit with a grenade.”
“Are you always such a Debbie Downer?”
He couldn’t help but be amused by her. He hadn’t even started talking and she was already imaging the worst. Granted much of their interaction over the past few weeks had been on the emotional side, but it wasn’t all bad.
“What?”
“It’s an expression, means you’re being all negative.”
“I know what it means. It just brings up memories.” A smiled played at her lips, but she wouldn’t let it fully form. “You called me that on our first official date.”
Philip frowned. “What were you depressed about that night?”
“Nathan Horton.”
“Sorry I asked,” he grumbled.
Even on their first date that guy somehow had been a factor. If he ever met up with him Philip swore he was going to punch him in the face. He didn’t need his memory to recognize a jackass when he saw one.
“He had just dumped me after he caught me almost kissing you in the Cheatin Heart.”
What the hell? Were they in junior high school? Who does that? “He dumped you over a kiss that didn’t even happen?”
Melanie raised her shoulders with her response. “There was a little more to it than that. Basically I admitted I had feelings for the both of you.”
Philip didn’t even bother to hide his shock. “And he didn’t fight for you? He just let you go?”
Yeah that dude definitely was going down one day. Unreal that he would just walk away from Melanie so easily, as if she weren’t worth the effort. He was insulted for her without even knowing the specifics.
“I don’t get why you’re acting all surprised. Isn’t that what you’re about to do to me right now? Let me go.” Her lower lip trembled and it took all of Philip’s concentration not to reach out and still it with his thumb.
“I can’t do that,” he admitted bowing his head so he wouldn’t have to look at her lips.
“Right because of your father, but I know you want me out of your system so…” Her voice trailed off gradually fading into silence.
“I need to apologize,” he said taking a chance and stroking the side of her face gently. “What I said to you in the bathroom came out all wrong.”
Leaning away from his hand, she positioned herself into the farthest corner of the couch out his reach. “I think your meaning was pretty clear actually. You thought you could screw me out of your head so you could move on to Chloe without any lingering lustful feelings.”
Like he had been kicked in the stomach he flinched. “I didn’t mean it like that exactly. I meant I was surprised by our chemistry. I thought we had pent up attraction that would be relieved after we uh...”
“Look last night and this morning was one thing,” Melanie interrupted. “We shared something.”
“Shared something? Don't you think you’re understating things a little?” he asked.
How could she sum up their time together in such vague terms? He had opened himself up to her in a way he never had before, and he would bet his life she did the same. Sure there had been lots of sex but the closeness he felt toward her afterward, the connection he still felt, was far more than a tidy euphemism for a one night stand.
“You know what I mean Philip. Emotions were running high and we got caught up, but now it is a new day and I get that you feel awkward around me.”
Maybe he was reading things all wrong, maybe he was the only one that came out of the experience feeling closer and more connected, since she was so willing to chalk up their time together as something that happened in the heat of the moment.
“I don't feel awkward at all. Do you?”
Her answer to this question meant far more than he was willing admit. Almost like he needed to be validated by her response, if she was uncomfortable around him then maybe being with him meant less to her than he realized.
“A little,” she said quietly, glancing over at him. “I don't know what you're thinking about all this. I don't even know if I can touch you or do I keep being distant like I was before the party. When I get the urge to kiss you do I act on it?”
Good, she still wanted to kiss him. Philip let out a breath in relief as he took her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. “You don't need permission to kiss me Melanie. That's what married people do.”
“Even couples only pretending they have a real marriage?”
She tried to wiggle her hand out of his, but he held her firm, not letting her retreat.
“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. Our relationship.”
“We have a relationship now?” she asked with a surprised laugh, yanking her hand out of his. “Not so long ago you couldn’t even say that word without choking.”
He deserved that. Treating her like crap for weeks had taken its toll. Even as he tried to ignore her, he could at times see the contempt that passed across her face. Denying her and their marriage could be the very thing that would set him free from her. If he continued down that road he was sure she would soon come to loathe and resent him. It would be an easy way out of his father’s deal. No way would he be able to fake a happy marriage for nine months with a woman that detested him. All he had to do was hold fast to his denial and he’d be free. Too bad he couldn’t bring himself to do it. The very thought that Melanie could hate him made his stomach turn.
Hurting her had never been a part of his agenda even when he had treated her the worst. He had only wanted her out of his sight so he could focus on Chloe and Parker, so he could live in his protracted state of denial without any hints of the real world lurking beyond its borders. But she wouldn’t go. When she had kept her distance from him, avoiding his father’s house, opting to pass off her nursing duties to Marcel, she still was present in his mind. In fact, not seeing her in person, was worse for Philip, since his mind tended to be far more creative than the actual events of his life. It was like he said to her in the bathroom this morning, she was going to haunt him forever, he just knew it, unless he dealt with everything head on.
“Look I’m not proud of how I have been acting. I took my frustrations about my memory loss out on you, and that wasn’t fair. I saw you as a threat, as the enemy, but I know now just how wrong I was. You’re on my side in every way, and I appreciate that. The fact that I can trust you means everything to me.”
“Trust is so important,” she said almost under her breath.
“Yes it is," he said catching her eyes. "I don't think you'll ever get how much it means to me that I can trust you completely."
It felt like a weight had been lifted, the force that had been wearing him down since he came out of his coma suddenly had disappeared and it was because of her. No matter what happened next Philip knew with certainty that Melanie would be there for him standing by his side. An amazing combo of trust, friendship, love were all within this woman he married. She might be still a relative stranger, a month wasn't very long to truly know someone, but his instincts were strong about her, pulling him toward her since he first opened his eyes, and that part of him, the scary part he barely understood, the part of him that believed in miracles and destiny screamed to him that Melanie was someone he needed to have in his life.
Her skin had flushed pink and Philip realized he'd been staring at her while his mind had been racing. This was it, the now or never moment where he had to make the decision to embrace his future. Taking a deep breath to bolster his courage, he stood holding out both his hands hoping she'd take them. And she did, lightly placing her fingertips against his palms as she rose to her feet as well. She was uncharacteristically silent, simply watching him, waiting for him to proceed.
"I’m going to do something that scares the sh*t out of me," he admitted chuckling nervously.
Her blue eyes narrowed and her fingers twitched in his hands. He held them tighter, ensuring that she'd remain with him until he got it all out.
“Philip I don’t understand.”
“What you said to me last night out by the pool, you wanted me to give us a chance to let you in and I told you I couldn’t.”
She nodded her head slowly trying to follow his point. “I remember, you said you were afraid that trying with me would make you lose Chloe.”
“I was such a coward when I said that to you." Now his fingers were twitching and his throat began to tighten as his nerves threatened to send him fleeing back into denial. Then she squeezed his hands, pulling his focus down to their intertwined fingers, a visual reminder of their connection and trust and just like that he felt braver. "I was too afraid to embrace new things or any changes. I didn’t want anything to make me stray from my path.”
“To be with Chloe.” Her eyes fluttered, closing momentarily as pain passed over her face before she quickly righted herself and resumed watching him with open clear eyes.
Philip wondered how often she did that, mask her real feelings behind a facade of calm. It reminded him of Chloe and all the ways she tended to hide her true emotions, at least she used to, now she seemed to be a complete open book even if she didn't want to be. Philip pulled his thoughts from Chloe and focused on the woman in front of him, the wife he had chosen to ignore for far too long. He owed her this truth and he had to stop stalling and get on with it.
“Yes I thought my path was to be with Chloe and I'm not trying to hurt you by saying that. I just want to be completely honest with you."
"I know Philip. You've made your feelings very clear."
He detected the note of bitterness in her voice and the urge to change the subject was strong. He really hated that he was once again upsetting her, but running from the truth was no longer an option, for either of them. Sex had changed things, left them exposed and there was no turning back from the aftermath of their choices now.
"For weeks I've been running in circles, mostly around you, and then this morning in the shower it hit me, like hard. There's nowhere left to run. I'm stuck here."
"Stuck because of me?" she asked her eyes welling with tears. Philip ran his thumb along the freckles that peppered her cheek unable to stop himself from giving her some small comfort. She tensed at his touch and backed away from his hand. "I can't stand that you feel trapped by me. I don't want to do that to you, to make you feel..." she paused taking a breath, the tears finally spilling from her eyes. "I don't want you to feel hopeless. You should have a good life." Her voice quivered as she struggled to retain her composure. "I want you to be happy."
"I want that for you too. You deserve to be happy and loved and in a solid relationship.”
“So I was right all along,” she sniffled. “This is the goodbye speech.”
“Maybe it should be, and if I were a better man I could say it and set you free, but I’m a selfish bastard that somehow lucked up and married an incredible woman.”
“If you thought I was so incredible you wouldn't be leaving me for someone else," she countered.
"It's not that simple" Philip replied.
His heart and his head were so mixed up Philip wasn’t even sure he could begin to explain the inner workings of his mind to her. A straight forward I want her and not you no longer worked, not after they’d made love and he revealed the depth of his attraction to her.
"It kind of is. I'm not enough for you. You might think I'm nice and a good friend but I'm not who you want to be with.”
“I can’t be with her. Everyone has been telling me this, but I just didn’t want to hear it, but now it all is so clear. I’m married.”
“Married to a wife you don’t want.”
She dabbed at her tears with the sleeve of her pink sweater until Philip pushed her hand away and began to catch them with his fingertips. Just once he’d like to have a conversation with her that didn’t involve tears. There had to be a way he could make her happy and keep her that way.
“I never expected you, but sometimes good things come from unexpected places.”
Philip ran his thumb along the cleft in her chin the way he often did. Soon he knew it would become impossible to be in her presence without caressing her chin or kissing those pouty lips. He’d almost given himself away earlier in the bathroom when he started spewing on about how it felt to kiss her. It was the greatest escape getting lost in the feeling of her mouth against his, like an addict on the perfect high, he never wanted it to end. Even now when she was teary eyed and miserable he wanted to kiss all her pain away.
“You’re upset about Chloe.” She shook her head backing away. “And you’re grateful that Parker has a safe place with me. Nothing more.”
As much as he wanted to keep Chloe out of their conversation, to help Melanie realize that there were some things that were solely about them, he couldn't. Chloe was a part of their lives no matter which way he phrased it. After all that he and Melanie had discussed about his confused feelings and his hopes for a life with Chloe, he couldn't stand here and try to get her to believe that suddenly he was having a change of heart about all of that. And honestly he wasn't. His heart was still with Chloe, the difference was now he wanted to admit that there were other feelings inside him too. Melanie wasn't an idiot, all of her bragging about knowing him well was fairly accurate. Melanie could read him and he knew she was fully aware of his attraction toward her and that his weeks of dismissing her was more about him denying his feelings than any actual hatred of her. At least he thought she realized that.
There were times when Melanie came across so confident, sure about everything between them and all that he was trying to hide, but other times she was more uncertain, questioning things he thought were fairly obvious, like earlier in bed when she actually thought he wanted to keep her his dirty little secret and that he was somehow ashamed that he'd spent the night with her. Just when he had her all figured out she did something to thoroughly confuse him.
“This is not about gratitude. There’s something between us,” he said slowly approaching even as she continued to retreat.
“I’m a realist. I know you'd never choose me when you could have her.” Melanie seemed to be unaware of the tears streaming down her face as she busied herself straightening throw pillows and cushions.
“Melanie...” he said needing her to stop and face him.
“There’s nothing more to say Philip. It is what it is and I accept that.” She turned her back and headed up the stairs.
Philip couldn’t believe it. She was actually running away from him. He would have been amused if he weren’t so on edge about all he was attempting to say.
“I thought you understood how I feel about you. We’ve gotten so close Melanie. How can you deny that?”
She froze, her back still to him. “Having sex doesn't make us close. I made the choice to sleep with a man that wants someone else and I’ll have to deal with that.” Her shoulders drooped on that admission, as she slowly continued to climb the stairs.
“You slept with a man that wants you.” He called out from the base of the staircase.
“Philip don’t do this to me. I can’t handle you messing with my head.”
Her whole body shook as she hovered on the staircase as if she were considering her next move. Philip didn't waste any time making that decision for her as he took the stairs two at a time until he reached her pressing her back into the wall he surrounded her, trapping her with his body.
Melanie’s eyes darted to the left and right anything to avoid his eyes while she squeezed her hands into balls at her side. She was so tense, but Philip could see her pulse quicken and he could feel how she subtly leaned into him.
“I’m not messing with you,” he said a breath away from her face. “On Parker’s life I swear.”
She shut her eyes and crossed her arms, blocking him from coming any closer. “Philip just stop,” she pleaded.
“Don’t run from me okay?” He ran a finger along her exposed shoulder the only skin he could access. “I know this is hard but we have to face this.”
“You’re the one that’s always running,” she retorted, finally opening her eyes and flooring him with that beautiful shade of blue.
Melanie gripped the hair at the nape of his neck, running her fingers through it roughly, sending tingles through his body. Like an instant replay he flashed back to hours before when she was beneath him moaning his name, making his hair stand on end while he kissed every inch of her body. What he wouldn’t give to be able to do that right now, to strip her naked and lay her down on the stairs and enjoy her all over again. His body reacted to the mental image his groin tightening as he briefly considered taking a chance and making it happen. Philip shuddered bringing himself back from his aroused state. He couldn’t let sex get in the way of things, not when he was so close to finally speaking his mind.
“I’m not running now. I’m right here with you.” He shifted closer and put his arms around her waist. “Holding you.”
“Philip, you’re shaking,” she said sounding out of breath.
“So are you,” he said with a small smile.
Melanie looked away, biting her lower lip. “I’m scared about what you want to say to me.”
He let his forehead fall against hers. “I’m scared to say it,” he said quietly.
It was then she kissed him, soft and sweet, on his cheek and Philip’s knees almost buckled as if she had done far more. Bracing himself with his arm against the wall behind her he took a deep breath.
“Just tell me My Philip,” she said placing her hand on his chest, so near his heart.
Philip took that as a sign, the last ounce of courage he needed to proceed. Melanie was there ready and waiting, all he had to do was take the leap.
“When I saw you in our closet, standing there looking so beautiful, surrounded by all our things and it just felt…” he said against the curve of her neck “I don’t know. It’s hard to describe, but it totally hit me, in a way that it never had before, that this was my home and you were my wife. And for the first time I wasn’t afraid of those feelings. I actually wanted to feel it. I wanted to be in this house, with you looking at me the way you do and with Parker sleeping down the hall in a room surrounded by stars. It felt safe and it felt right, so I stepped into this life that used to be mine and I let myself feel everything. All the things I had been trying so hard to ignore and deny.”
Her eyes widened and a smile spread across her lips, leaving as quickly as it appeared, but Philip had caught it, a brief and beautiful sight like a shooting star. "But what about Chloe?" she asked.
"I'm married to you,” he responded, as if that said it all.
"That's not an answer,” she said dropping her hand and pulling away.
Panic gripped him like icy fingers around his heart and suddenly all he could see was how empty his life would be without Melanie around. It might have been totally selfish but he liked knowing she would pop up to ask about his physical therapy, or to check on his medications, or simply to rub his head. She made him smile, better than that she made him laugh, even when she wasn’t trying to be funny. Then there was that fire, the way she never backed down from a fight, how his at times nasty moods didn’t keep her at bay, the way her eyes flashed darker when she was about to let him have it. He’d only scratched the surface of discovering who she was and just the thought that he would never get to know her better was upsetting him more than he thought possible. No denying it now he was knee deep in a dilemma, actually chest deep if he were honest, because his heart was starting to feel the pull of two women instead of just one.
Never in his recollection had he felt this way, attracted and invested in two women, both so important to his life, losing either of them was no longer an option, yet he knew that neither Chloe nor Melanie would be eager to share equal billing in his life. There he went again trying to be diplomatic about things that were inherently undiplomatic, like multiple people had reminded him, he couldn’t have two women and he needed to stop fantasizing that he could. Which brought him back to the reality of his current predicament, making a choice and until this morning the idea of that had sent him running toward the cover of denial, then it hit him, there would be no choosing because the decision had already been made before he even opened his eyes. He had a wife and as much as he tried that wasn’t something he could ignore and now he realized he didn’t even want to.
"Yes it is. I already have a wife. Chloe and I can't have anything together right now."
If she could have faded into the wall she would have. That’s how far Melanie had retreated from him, when moments before they had been so close.
"But after the nine months..."
"Can you please stop talking about that?” He snapped. “I don't care about my father's deal. I need to know you. I can't just walk away without getting to know the woman I married. And if Chloe can't understand that, if she won't wait for me to do that..." He shook his head, unable to complete the sentence.
"You don't mean that Philip. I know how much you want to be with her. And it kills me, but if it means you're happy I'm going to try to handle it. Maybe we can be friends."
"I can't be friends with you. Not when you make me feel like this. Not when I know you're mine."
Before he could stop himself his lips were on hers tentative at first as he awaited her response. A soft moan, arms wrapped around his neck, drawing him in, her mouth opening to deepen the kiss. Encouraged, he pulled her close, his hands running up her back to twist in her hair. He put everything into that kiss, all that he was trying to say but failing to get her to understand. Maybe it would take action to convince her that all he said was real.
"Philip..." she said trying to break away from their kiss.
But Philip was a man determined and he wasn’t going to let her go until she truly understood. Capturing her lips in a kiss again, he attempted to swallow each and every doubt, only pulling back once he was satisfied that he accomplished his mission. Melanie swayed against him, a little dazed from their kiss. He couldn’t help but smile at the effect he had on her. It was nice to be so wanted.
"I know I'm not being fair asking her to wait and asking you stay when my heart is divided, but I need you in my life and I don't know how else to make that happen. My life is a mess and everything around me has changed and I barely know who I am anymore. And I thought being with Chloe would be the answer. We have so much history, I carry her in my heart, but she's not. She's as lost as I am.” Taking both of Melanie's hands in his, he faced her, the words flowing from his lips like vows. The full weight of it all hitting him in the center of his chest leaving him a bit breathless but otherwise strong, he was really doing it. Letting her see all that he had been hiding. “But you, my sweet little nurse, you have been my rock since I came out of the coma. You keep me sane, you hold me together and when I look in your eyes there's so much love reflected in them, the way you see me practically takes my breath away. I don't want to lose any of that. I know it's selfish but I don't give a sh*t. I need you with me, so please Melanie."
“Everything you said is what I’ve waited to hear for so long.” Melanie’s voice cracked but she didn’t look away. Her gaze steadily on him. “But how can I trust it after all the games you’ve played? I’m so scared you’re going to hurt me.”
He shook his head at her words, hating that she felt that way about him, but he knew he couldn’t refute any of it. He had given her every reason to feel the way she did with all of his actions now and before the car crash apparently. Hugging her tightly, because that was the first impulse that popped into his mind as he watched her blue eyes once again grow murky with pain because of him. Giving her comfort was all he had to offer her until she decided to let him be a part of her life completely.
“I know there’s so much more I need to do to earn your trust, but if you can just maybe try to a little bit right now. Please say you’ll give us a chance.”
“Us?” Disbelief colored her face as her eyes widened and her freckles seemed to pop from her skin. “Like together? Like a couple?”
God she was cute. He broke into a grin, his heart feeling lighter from her reaction. “Yes us together. I want us to get to know each other, as we are now. Think of it like a courtship. And maybe as time passes we’ll be more comfortable around each other. I’ll get to know you better and you won’t see me as a defective version of myself.”
“You’re not defective. I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t want you to feel bad about some of the things I said. I was upset and I lashed out at you.”
Philip tried his best to shrug it off, to not let her see how much her words still stung. He was determined to get past all of that stuff, so they could move on to a better place. So he had changed since the car crash, that didn’t matter any longer, now that he knew she still cared about him despite all of that.
“I did feel bad. It hurt at first to hear that you think I was a better man before, but after the night we spent together I’m over it. You only ‘think’ I was better before, but I’m pretty confident you’ll like this version of me even more.”
“Is that right? What makes you so certain?”
“The scratches you gave me on my back are a big boost to my confidence.” Winking at her he smiled wide, so happy to finally see a smile back on her face.
“Shut up!” She laughed batting at him lightly. “That was just passion in the heat of the moment, nothing more.”
“It was passion for me and even now in this very bright morning light it’s still there. I can see it in your eyes.”
“So full of yourself,” she said with a grin, rolling her eyes upward. “You act like you rocked my world. We’ve had sex plenty of times before.”
“It felt like the first time to me.”
“Yeah I know.” Her eyes clouded as she took a seat on the top step. “Not even making love can make you remember me. Everything we used to have is gone.”
A sadness fell over them and just like that the smiles from minutes before disappeared.
Philip sat down next to her. “Don’t say that.” He rubbed her head affectionately, before kissing the crown of it softly. “We still have the sunrise.”
“We missed it this morning,” she said looking toward the sunlight that shined through the window in the living room below them.
“Tomorrow we can watch it together.”
Philip smiled as he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against his side. Melanie let her head fall against his shoulder, and his heart soared from that simple gesture. At least she hadn’t run away. She’d heard him out and she was still there beside him, the way she had been since the hospital.
She raised her brow at him. “Mighty sure of yourself.”
“Actually I’m not. I’m really nervous about what’s going to happen between us since you haven’t even answered my question.”
She scrunched her nose at him. “I don’t recall there being a question asked. You sort of made a bunch of declarations then you started rambling about your skills in bed.”
“Oh. Right. I guess what I’m asking is for a second chance. I handled everything wrong from the minute I found out we were married and I want an opportunity to fix that. So what do you say?” Sucking in his lower lip feeling a little on edge he watched her awaiting a response.
For some reason he had expected things to go far differently. All of these weeks of her trying to get him to really stop and look at her and their life, where she was pretty much pleading with him to come back to her had led him to believe that once he ultimately did come back she’d be ecstatic about it. Right now she looked anything but. Philip was starting to feel like she might actually shut him down and reject all he was trying to give. As he thought more about it, he realized he might not be giving all that much. Deciding to move back into their house seemed like a monumental decision to him, but he could see how it would be far less so for her. To Melanie he should have been there with her and Parker all along and now after finally putting his feet firmly on the ground and removing his head from the clouds he couldn’t argue that point. Family had always been a priority to him and he’d let that slip to the wayside while he stubbornly forged ahead in a life he really knew nothing about. Looking back on all his choices now made him want to cringe. If only he had listened to some of the things he had been told, paused and reflected before acting, he might not be in the mess he was in now.
His thoughts drifted to Chloe, which they often did whether he wanted them to or not, and while he wasn’t going to flat out regret his decision to have her released from the hospital, how could he, it was a miserable place for her to be, he was however concerned about the consequences of what having her back in town would be. Beyond any of his fears about Parker’s safety, and the effect of the strain of being back in the real world on Chloe’s health, was the surprising worry standing before him now with red hair and shining blue eyes.
Losing his wife hadn’t been a consideration in anything he’d done, in fact he had purposely ignored her very existence for most of the time he was awake, but now he was sitting on the staircase in a house he couldn’t remember, feeling like he needed to pray to keep his wife in his life.
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You gotta let me know what you think! Next up we have some Chloe, a little Lucas, some Philip....
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