Being (Read 26,224 times)

[felineflash]

Hi y'all, I'm felineflash. Kpatch kindly invited me here and sweetly complimented me on this little Phloe fanfic, so I'll post it here and see what y'all think. This was begun a couple of years ago, you'll notice, as Morgan is still around at the beginning. It loosely follows the air shows of that time, then it kind of grew a life of its own. Characters' thoughts are in italics, unless I screw up formatting unintentionally. I'll post one chapter once a week, on Saturday nights. Mind you, I've got some situations at home, so if for reason I simply cannot post, I will inform. Thanks for understanding! And, so, here we gooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BE ADVISED: While this is far from smut, there are some "adult" moments.
~~~~~~~

BEING

Chapter One - The Pub

Morgan was rambling on and on as she sipped her coffee. A little less caffeine might be in order, Philip thought. He half-heartedly listened to her babble, throwing out a response here and there to make her think he was paying her the attention that he was not. The more she spoke, the more he wondered just why he'd let this whole thing go on as long as he had.

Oh yeah, she was cute. And she was sweet. And she'd told him that she thought she was falling in love with him. No one had said something like that to him since high school, since Chloe. Whatever Belle had said, he knew she was always thinking about Shawn.

And so here he was, pretending to pay attention as Morgan droned on. Man, I really screwed up this time, he thought dismally. There was an alternative, of course...being alone. But he was longing to be held, to be loved, to be satisfied.

Was it so terribly cruel to use her for that? If she wanted it, wasn't he being rather generous to give her what she wanted, while at least physically fulfilling his needs? Could he actually do that? Could he be with Morgan and pretend he was with Chloe?

With Chloe. That's what he wanted, and that was just another thing he'd screwed up lately. Maybe the apple really didn't fall far from the tree. It wasn't like Dad had a stellar romantic reputation.

But Chloe was with Lucas, and, like Dad, he had to make do.

"You done with that?" He asked as Morgan pushed her cup away.

"Uh huh. Philip, it's such a nice night, let's take a walk by the water before you bring me home," she looked at him with doe eyes, clearly worshipping him as if he were on some sort of pedestal.

You don't even know me, he thought. "I have an even better idea," he said, trotting out his best seductive tone.

"You do?" She asked coyly.

"Oh yes," he replied. Making do. "Let's go."

[ghoulgirl]

Welcome to the board feline flash! Looking forward to more. Great start to the story. There are an awful lot of Phloe lovers around here!

[Kpatch]

Welcome FelineFlash and thank you so much for posting the start of your story here. Phloe fans will adore it and everyone else will only love it.

[fluffysmom]

Thanks for posting Being here feline flash. It is an incredible story and I am glad that you are sharing it with us. I look forward to reading it all over again. Welcome feline flash!

[fluffysmom]

A new story for you to enjoy.

[sportsgirl]

Ooh, looking forward to more!!

[felineflash]

Sorry for the delay, Mom's in the hospital so I'm a little discombobulated.

Chapter Two - The Bedroom

“Mmm,” Morgan moaned as Philip pulled away from the kiss. She tasted like red wine and coffee, and it was pleasant, but not the same. As Chloe. Damn it, if he was going to do this, he was going to have to get Chloe out of his head. But that was the only way he could do this.

Morgan sipped her wine and looked at him with what he assumed were her “bedroom eyes”. A chill suddenly ran down his spine…My God, I think she’s a virgin. This wasn’t right, it wasn’t right to use people. But it was in his blood, using people. His parents did it to perfection. Another fine trait passed on from Mom and Dad. She was stroking his hair now. Now or never, Philip. Are you ready to spend another night alone? Are you ready for your nightmares? Are you ready for your regrets? Or are you ready to get busy? Morgan answered that question by unbuttoning his shirt. Yes, do it. This is what she wants. Give her what she wants. Take what you need. You are a Kiriakis, after all. The world is your oyster.

“Morgan…” he moaned. He’d almost called her Chloe. He’d come this close to it. Just close your eyes and pretend. She’s Chloe. You can pretend. Just like when I was wounded…pretend I’m somewhere else, that I’m not afraid I’m going to die here…that I’m not feeling any pain and I’m not hearing my own screams. Just pretend, Philip.

“I want you, Philip,” she whispered.

“Yes. I want you too,” he answered. He thought he sounded as if he was at a board meeting, but she seemed not to notice.

Just pretend. He took her glass from her and set it on the table. I’ll give her an out. I’m not Mom, I’m not Dad. People aren’t playthings. “Are you sure?” he whispered in her ear.

“Oh, yes…” she moaned, stroking his chest.

So maybe they are playthings. Fine. You want to play, we’ll play. He pulled her into another kiss, but she backed away.

“I’ll be right back,” she smiled, picked up her purse and sauntered into the bathroom.

“I’ll be here,” he droned. But I won’t. Not really. He undressed slowly, willing himself to go through with it. Pretend. It’s all pretend. He slowly removed his shoes, his socks, his pants…

Morgan slipped back into the room and stood in the doorway. She tried not to gasp at the shock of seeing Philip’s prosthetic leg. So that was why he limped. That was the war injury. Oh, God…she muffled the gasp as best she could, quickly ducking back into the bathroom.

Ouch. What the hell is that? Philip leaned back against the pillows, down to his black silk boxers, wondering what the hell he was doing, and what the hell was poking him in the ribs. He reached behind him and found a cell phone. Morgan’s phone. She must have had it in her pocket and it must have slipped out when she sat on the bed. Just then she exited the bathroom, fully dressed, when he could have sworn he’d seen a glimpse of her in her bra and panties just a few seconds before. This is some sort of weird dream.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie, I hate to…break the mood,” she said too quickly, not looking him in the eye, gathering her things. “My daddy just called me. He wants to see me right away, and you know since I’ve missed him so much and I just want to spend as much time as I can with him, I just…I can’t do this right now.”

“It’s OK. Your father comes first, I know that,” he pulled his pants back on. Saved by the bell. Only her phone’s on my nightstand.

“I’m so glad you understand,” she finally looked at him. Looked at his leg, looked away too quickly.

Wow, I think I’ve fallen off my pedestal. “Of course. Go be with your father,” he picked up her phone, “Oh, Morgan, you might want this…your phone.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, good one though. You think on your feet. I think on one.” Now I’m mocking her. I really am my father’s son.

“I’m…I’m sorry Philip. I didn’t know…”

“What, that I’ve got one leg? Well, now you do.”

“I am sorry, really…I just…give me time, OK?” She did look genuinely upset.

“No. There’s something else you don’t know. And you should. And this has nothing to do with tonight,” he took a breath. You’ll be alone. Maybe I belong alone. Maybe I deserve it. It’s better than living a lie. “I have to be honest with you, OK?”

“OK,” she mumbled, clearly ready to leave.

“When I told you I had feelings for you…I wasn’t being truthful. You’re pretty. You worship me. I like that, you stroke my ego. Or at least, you did. But Morgan, that’s all there is. Or was. You were right from the beginning…I got close to you to know what your father was up to. And then when Chl-”

“So you were using me? Even after you told me you had feelings for me?” Now she was angry.

Good. Be angry. Be hurt. Welcome to my world. “I’m trying to tell you that I don’t like using you,” he spat.

“Could’ve fooled me! Were you actually planning to make love to me tonight? Were you?”

I wouldn’t call it making love. Pretending. He poured himself a drink. “Making love…God you’re naïve,“ he snickered. “Did you actually think I would fall for your ‘phone call’?” He scoffed. “I’m a miracle of modern medicine, Morgan,” I actually sound like Dad. And I like it.

“I don’t know what you are. I thought you were something, someone, completely different.”

“But I’m not. I’m Philip Kiriakis. You just convinced yourself otherwise,” he sipped his drink.

“I was trying not to hurt you by making up the phone call. But obviously, you don’t have even half the heart I thought you did. So I’ll be honest. I can’t look at that,” she gestured to his leg, “it makes me sick.”

“Then by all means, don’t.”

“Why didn’t you even tell me about your leg?”

“I didn’t know it would make a difference. Besides, there was a lot more I never told you, but you wanted to have blind faith in me, so who was I to take that from you?”

“My daddy was right. You are a bastard.”

“No, Morgan, your father’s the bastard. A spineless one at that.”

“I’ll show myself out,” she started for the door. “I thought you were a good man, with a good heart. But you’re not. You’re as cold and evil as your father. The only difference is that at least he has all his parts.”

“Please do show yourself to the door. And Morgan,” she turned “Thanks for all your help. I couldn’t have kept tabs on your father without you,” he smirked.

“That’s all I was to you? Honestly?”

Honestly. What the hell, no turning back now, tell the truth. Be Philip Kiriakis. “Honestly.”

He drained his drink as he heard the front door slam. Henderson was going to love that. Well, that’s taken care of. Who knows, maybe Chloe feels the same way. At least Lucas is whole. Maybe that’s why she’s with him.

[Kpatch]

Sorry to hear about your mom. The both of you will be in my prayers. Please keep us posted.

Thank you for taking the time to post the chapter anyway. I love it. Love how you get into the characters' heads and the things they are saying aren't necessarily the things they are feeling. You have an awesome talent. Looking forward to next week's chapter.

[fluffysmom]

Feline flash - I Hope your Mom is doing better. I will pray for her.

Thanks for thinking of us during this difficult time. This was a great chapter. I enjoyed seeing Philip conflicted about using Morgan but ultimately telling her the truth. I am looking forward to more.

[felineflash]

Aw, y'all are sweet. Mom had an enormous bleeding ulcer that was surgically removed, and has been moved out of ICU (she'd lost A LOT of blood, and she's 83) to a regular room, and thinks her surgeon's hot. One must understand that my mom's a little old French lady, and she's been out of it until today, so when he came in to look at her incision and all, she said, "HELL...OOO!"

*ETA: Her surgeon IS hot.

[fluffysmom]

Feline flash - Thanks for the update. I am so glad to hear that your Mom is improving.

[MrsM]

Love that she is putting the moves on her doctor!!

[felineflash]

Oh, yeah, and she's quite the treat in that hospital gown, lemme tell ya.

[sportsgirl]

Your mom sounds like a HOOT... Hope she feels better soon and thanks for the great chapter. So glad Philip got to see the true Morgan!

[felineflash]

So my mom might be coming home this weekend, and if it's tomorrow, I will undoubtedly be pretty busy. Therefor, I'm posting this chapter early. Enjoy, I hope! Oh, and tell me, can you see my very own Felineflash in my avi? That's my Princess Petunia. Never know with photobucket.

~~~~~~~~

Chapter Three - The Horton Cabin

Lucas leaned against the doorjamb, listening to Chloe finish the lullaby she was singing to Allie. As the last note faded away, she kissed Allie lightly on the forehead and stood up.

"Thanks. She loves your voice," Lucas whispered as Chloe left the room. "I think she likes you too."

"Well, I like her. She's adorable," Chloe smiled, following Lucas to the couch and sitting beside him.

"So..." he said.

"So..."she replied. "Now what?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry there's not much to do out here. It is a good place to come to get away from all the craziness, though."

"True," she nodded. This felt so awkward, just sitting here next to him, realizing what they knew already...this wasn't going to work.

"Chl-"

"Lucas, we need to talk."

"That's exactly what I was going to say. Look, Chloe, you know that I really care about you-"

"But you're still in love with Sami. I know that," she smiled at him. "And you know how I feel about Philip."

"Hey, wait a minute...are you breaking up with me?" He asked.

"Aren't you breaking up with me? I beat you to the punch," she sighed. "this just isn't going to work."

"Well. That was easy," he exhaled. "Do you want to yell at each other awhile or something? This seems sort of anti-climactic," he laughed.

"Allie's sleeping," she grinned. "Besides, you probably need to save your voice for your next round with Sami."

"Sami and I are still through. I mean that. It's just too exhausting trying to stay with her," he paused, "You and I are still friends, though, right?"

She grinned warmly. Of course. Lucas will always be my friend. "Of course we are."

"Good. Very good. And I want you to know, I don't regret anything."

No regrets. I have no regrets. But I wouldn't do it over. "I don't either, Lucas. I'm actually glad it happened. It made me realize..."

"What you really want? Who you really want?" He asked.

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Then go for it. You know he still has feelings for you," Lucas looked into her eyes.

"He has feelings for Morgan. And she's in love with him."

"Oh come on, you think that southern fried college girl can hold a candle to you? You're Chloe Lane, the opera singer," he took her face in her hands. "You're gorgeous. You're caring. You're sophisticated. What more could a guy want?"

She grinned. "Thanks for that. But I think my opera career is over," she looked down.

"Why over?"

She sighed, "You know that auditioned for the Salem Opera. But thanks to Victor's malicious lies, they wouldn't take me on. Too much baggage."

"Yeah, but now everyone knows Brady's OK."

"They still don't want me."

"Who doesn't want you? The director? I think I have an answer to that," he said mischievously.

"Oh, and what do you propose I do? Grovel? Or do you have some other idea?"

"Oh yeah, I've got an idea. We get my mom to help," he said excitedly.

"Lucas, your mother hates me. Why on earth would she want to help me?"

"Because I'll tell her that the only reason I'm with you is because I feel sorry for you because you're down on your luck. And if you had a job..."

"And you think Kate could get me in? Lucas..." she looked at him incredulously.

"My mom has connections. She's very close with the director," he shrugged, "I think she slept with him."

"You're kidding."

"Wish I was. Anyway, you know my mom, she'll move heaven and earth to get me away from a woman she doesn't like. So we play her at her own game. What do you say?"

"Do you really think it would work?" Singing again. Being me. Finding me again. Finding Chloe Lane. Being Chloe again. Oh, please, let it work!

"Can't hurt to try, right? Are you in?"

Start over, Chloe. You can't just go home to Mommy every time you have a boo boo. "Yes. I'm in. As long as she never finds out the real reason. I don't need any more grief from Kate."

"Great. I'll call her tomorrow for coffee. You should be working again by the end of the week," he rose his eyebrow. "What about Philip?"

"What about him? It doesn't change anything," she said sadly.

"Chloe, you know, this is going to sound funny coming from me, after I just told you that Sami and I are over...but...you have to give it another chance. You know, even after everything with Sami, I wouldn't take back every time we got back together. If you really love someone...you have to try. Do you love him? Or do you still love Brady?"

Brady. Oh, yes, she still loved Brady, but he was not the person she'd married. She'd learned a lot about his dark side when he'd been under the influence of the drugs. "You know I'll always love Brady, but that's a chapter of my life that's done. He's not the man I married. But Philip is not the boy I fell in love with, either. He's changed..."

"He's been through a lot of hurt. But underneath all of that, he is still that Philip. And you know that, Chloe. Are you ready to fight for him?"

Fight. I don't want to have to fight anymore, I'm shell shocked already. I want to be Chloe again. But if I don't fight..."I don't know, Lucas. I don't want to fight a losing battle, no. I just don't think I could take any more pain. These past few years have been hell."